1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Should I tell him...???

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by clarkec1, Mar 31, 2013.

  1. clarkec1

    clarkec1 Guest

    Joined:
    Mar 26, 2013
    Messages:
    463
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    England
    Gender:
    Male
    This thread has been previously posted, but this time I want to make my story and question much clearer, it may be slightly long, but please read it all before you answer, thanks.

    Firstly, I'll let you know the details that you may need to give an effective answer. I am 13 years old and in year 9 of secondary school; I am bisexual but am mostly attracted to boys; I have have came out to all of my friends and am confident to tell anyone who asks. The only people have not told is my family, but I am fine with that and it is not a current concern.

    One more thing before I begin is that you are probably thinking that I am too young to know my sexuality and too young to be so concerned about this matter, but please here me out.

    My concern is this...

    I have greatly admired just one boy in my school for a number of months now. I can not put into words how romantically attracted I feel towards him. I feel as though we were made to be together, and that we should spend the rest of our lives together. Sometimes I feel like just screaming out to the whole world who I love. It is that bad that I have even created a playlist of songs which express how much I love him, and I mean every single word of every song in that playlist.

    The reason why I am on here though is because I have absolutely no clue what to do next. I do not know whether or not he is gay or bisexual, which just that alone is a massive problem.

    I do not want to know some ways to find out that though, as I am already working on it.
    I want to tell him how I feel but I just can't, it is extremely unlikely that we will ever go out. The reasons why are:

    - I do not know whether or not he is gay
    - I am in year 9 and he is in year 7
    - It probably just wouldn't work anyway

    They are the only three reasons but if I do tell him how I feel, then that could just ruin it forever, and he is the only person that I know that I have true emotions and feelings for.

    I am not considering asking him out at all, I just think that it may be worth telling him how I feel, but then it may ruin it all.

    Please, I do not to know how to know whether or not he is gay, I just want your opinion on whether or not you think I should tell him how I feel.

    Sorry for the length. Thank you x:help::thumbsup:

    I just need to add that I literally never speak or interact with him in any way, and I do not want answers that suggest me to become his friend first (sorry I sounded really strict then...) Thanks again!
     
    #1 clarkec1, Mar 31, 2013
    Last edited: Mar 31, 2013
  2. MichaelB

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2012
    Messages:
    421
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    England
    Firstly;

    Not at all! I've read many members post here that they knew they where gay/bisexual/transgender etc from a young age. The moment you're aware of it, it does become an integral part of your identity and your age doesn't question that, so don't ever worry about 'being too young' :slight_smile:

    This is a problem and I think a rather vital one, which you yourself acknowledge. I personally would avoid telling someone your feelings unless you knew their sexuality was compatible with yours. Imagine how you would feel if a girl declared her love and infatuation with you; it's a compliment for sure, but it puts the receiving person in an unfair awkward position. Take that as you will :slight_smile:

    This is a rather awkward situation though. He's 11 no? (trying to remember how old I was in year 7, I suck at working out school year ages), and you're 13. While that doesn't seem like a massive age gap, it rather is at this age (and beyond, really. I'm 18 and I wouldn't date anyone younger than 17, just because I know how much I've progressed in terms of maturity since I was 16. And it continues, I've read people on here who are 20+ that say they won't date anyone younger than 20 because of how much difference there would be in their maturity levels, which is fair enough, I obviously have more 'growing up' to do! :grin:)

    Anyway, the point I was making is that your difference in age is a problem and something that would make me weary in your position. When I was in year 7, I definitely wasn't thinking of relationships, sexuality or anything like that. The object of your infatuation may not be even thinking of relationships with the 'cultural norm', let alone same sex relationships. You may really freak him out. I'm not trying to sound harsh, but simply trying to make you aware of contextual information that you might not have considered.

    His maturity level will probably be way different to yours, because you have 2 years ahead of him in puberty levels.

    I know you don't want people to suggest it, but I think it's the best route of action if you really want to pursue it.

    Again, without sounding harsh, your infatuation is based entirely around your own experiences/desires etc etc, all the stuff that he doesn't share. Personally I think it would be abit creepy if you suddenly declared your undying love for a person you've never spoken too. Imagine how you would feel if you had some year 11 that you've never spoken to, suddenly took you aside and said something like 'I love you and I can see us spending our lives together' and it was the first time you had even seen him, ye know?

    In conjunction with that, you may realise that you two aren't compatible after all. Things tend to look nice from afar, but after seeing and experiencing it close up, you realise that it just isn't the same as what you thought it would be.

    So if I was you, I would definitely re-frame from telling him and possibly give yourself time to process your own feelings and give yourself time to mature.

    I know it sounds patronising, especially since I myself am still young, but you won't believe how much you will change in just a year alone at that age. You may think you're in love and it's the most intense you'll ever feel, but 6 months later and its gone. That's just how puberty works, at least for me.
     
    #2 MichaelB, Mar 31, 2013
    Last edited: Mar 31, 2013
  3. HasteTBomb

    HasteTBomb Guest

    Joined:
    Mar 31, 2013
    Messages:
    13
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Leeds
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    The guy above is completely right on everything. I know it is tough, I am going through a similar situation with my best friend, but unfortunately the age gap is a problem that cannot be fixed until you are both of a mature age.

    But perhaps you should get to know him as a friend... and ONLY as a friend. Find out what he likes to do and just hang out. Its better than nothing, but seriously, don't go over bored.

    :icon_bigg