I knew I was Gay since I was a kid.. Most boys my age were playing Star-Wars and GI-Joe outside while I would sit inside with the girls playing barbies.. My parents thought this as a problem and wouldn't let me buy barbies from the store and made me play with my brother's action figures instead.. I would be constantly teased by my aunt for wanting girl things, picked on by all the boys at my christian school and looked down apon by my parents, as time went on I noticed I had an odd attraction to Muscular, Manley men that the bible said was only for a Man and a Woman.. I used to stay up stressed about what god thought of me, if he still loves me or if this was just weird thoughts that would be gone soon... I branched into Middle school still worrying about myself, I would be the quiet one not interacting with people on the playground and when I did they would scream vulgar things at me. I assumed that being gay was bad and haven't found to accept that I am gay until this year (11th grade)... The year I found the guy I loved, but he wouldnt love me back.. I see myself as ugly since I am not even happy about the way I look.. But this guy made me feel special.. This guy in my Advanced Drama class was what I always dreamed of in a guy: Smart, Good looking, Muscular and Tough as Nails.. I gained the courage to buy him a bouquet the night before his big show and tell him I loved him.... But he said No, leaving my heart smashed and my roses on the floor. And here I am again... Huddled in my closet without even a window, My parents are homophobic (But thats a story for another time), My church does not allow gay people and my Crush wont even talk to me... I feel like I have been floating in this ocean of feelings my whole life and I dont know how to get out..
