My bf’s grandma lives in Italy along with most of his extended maternal family, he hasn’t seen her since he was young because her health began to prevent her flying and he was/is terrified of flying but this summer we’re going to make the trip to see her and the rest of his family. He came out to his family over 10 years ago to complete acceptance, but now we have found out that grandma is not entirely happy about having a gay grandson. It turns out that my bf’s mother told grandma that she must keep her opinions to herself and for 10 years she kept to that but for some reason she has now decided to end her silence. I have listened to what I’ve been told about grandma’s views and I can’t understand it. She believes that God has brought me into my bf’s life and by being in a romantic relationship with each other we are misinterpreting the gift of our friendship that God has given us. She’s happy that I am there for him and that apart from this “misinterpretation” I am a positive presence in his life, but she prays that we will understand the real meaning of God’s plan for our lives. I don’t know but I assume that she thinks this plan involves marrying women and producing children whilst remaining good friends, which is never.going.to.happen. Is it me or does this view make absolutely no sense? Why does she think that I'm good for him if she thinks I'm leading him to an eternity in hell? I have no religious relatives and this is something I just can’t relate to. My boyfriend is devastated, he had no idea that she didn’t approve, and I just don’t know what to do next. He’s not sure that he wants to go and see her anymore, but she is well into her eighties now and realistically speaking she could pass away before he sees her again and I think he will regret that if it happens. If we do go and see her, how do we act? Grandma doesn’t speak much English, and my Italian isn’t great, so he’ll need to act as the interpreter which may be difficult if I have to persuade him to visit her. I really don't know what to do for the best.
I think the two of you should go see her, he's going to need you there to support him. The older generation are very much conservative and trying to get them to change their views is impossible. However, if she sees how happy his is being with you then maybe she will give him her blessing. If not then it will be okay, don't let this precious time with his grandmother ruin his future outlook on life. There will always be people who dislike us for who we are and not just because we're gay. Our job is not care about what others think of us no matter who they are.
That's a tough situation! I'm from a really religious Catholic hometown so I can foresee a lot of these types of issues popping up when I come out. I think the main thing is to remember that our thoughts are the product of our experiences, themselves the product of our environment. His grandmother having grown up in a highly religious environment will likely have trouble ever accepting you as his legitimate partner. But it's OK! Because you guys know that her experiences dictate that response. You also know your feelings for each other won't change just because a relative doesn't approve. It sucks that y'all have to deal with a dissenter that y'all previously thought was on-board, but y'all can get through this. I'd go see her, enjoy her company as much as possible, and move on with life! This too shall pass.
