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Im think Im gay but I cant let her go.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by DreadingFuture, Apr 1, 2013.

  1. DreadingFuture

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    I have been with my current partner for several years and we recently had a son. A few months after he was born, when I couldnt take it anymore, I told her I think I might be gay. I was terrified of how she would react when I told her, because I knew it might mean the end for us. She seemed to take it well at first.

    Ill skip ahead and say its been several months since I told her. She asked me to move out yesterday.

    I am in agony every time I think about life without her. I basically hate life right now. I dont know how I will get through this. Even though I want to have sex with men, I feel such a deep connection with her that I cant stand the thought of giving it up. I love to hold her, to smell her, to see her smile while she's laying next to me in bed. I miss her whenever we are apart. I havent been very attracted to her sexually lately and have been fantasizing about men while I masterbate, but when we do have sex its not a terrible experience. I just feel kind of awkward. Sometimes its pretty good, but I always feel a bit fake.

    Every day feels like I am living in a nightmare.

    Im having trouble articulating everything I want to say. It is what it is.
    Thanks in advance for your thoughts.
     
  2. greatwhale

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    It doesn't feel good to be so conflicted...I know this well and I can only give you what I have experienced.

    It is possible to be romantic with both sexes but only sexually attracted to one. I think I fell into that category in the past, as I have had intense feelings for women, but the sex had indeed felt wrong...hard to describe, and bloody annoying as it doesn't jibe with that strong romantic feeling!

    It is tragic, there is no avoiding this loss...but your love for her must extend to and include her own happiness, she deserves that, as you deserve to live as you must be. I feel for you, I truly do, and there will have to be some time to grieve, but tragedy often results from doing the right thing.
     
  3. pinklov3ly

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    I'm so sorry, I know what you're going through must be really difficult. I've been in your shoes, so I know how you feel. I have kids, but am no longer with their father. It's very hard to let go and it's going to take some time. I've finally learned to let go of the relationship; I actually posted a thread about it. However, it hurts because we have kids. Just give her time to cope with everything. You're going to need this time to reflect on your life/future.