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How to deal with someone who makes excuses and lies

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Dakine, Apr 1, 2013.

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  1. Dakine

    Dakine
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    Basically I have a friend who I suspect is closeted and likes me like that. He is a very hot and cold person. When we get along we get along amazingly, but when he gets in one of his quiet moods its like our friendship doesn't exist for days, sometimes weeks. When he finally does talk (usually after I confront him on his silence) he makes up a bullshit excuse as to why he was quiet ( there are always easy to tell lies). My question is, whenever I confront him on the lie somehow it comes back on me, that I'm the asshole and then we really don't talk for some time.

    I know he cares deeply about me and I also think that his feelings for me cause him to go through these quiet spells. I'm almost convinced he is denial about his sexuality. For this reason I tend to give him the benefit of the doubt cause I know its a touchy time in life when u have to deal with your sexuality,, been there, done that.

    But I also can't keep being the enabler for his lying and excuses. He shouldn't get a free pass cause he is struggling, but like I've said if I confront him on it it makes things much worse. He just did it to me an hour ago and I haven't responded back to him. I know childish, but I just don't know what to say or do. I can't pretend that I don't know he's lying cause than nothing gets solved. I'm open to any ideas on how to handle this. Thanks
     
    #1 Dakine, Apr 1, 2013
  2. mojoe

    mojoe
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    hi again. Man I wish I had some really good, reassuring, and helpful. You've been a tremendous help to me and I feel as if I owe you that at least. Unfortunately, being in basically the same situation, I probably won't be of the most help. I suppose my reply will at least bump this thread and allow the opportunity for more people to view it, and hopefully yield a helpful response.

    I guess I will try my best though. So, knowing your friend really cares about you, how much are you willing to test that? I'm not saying that it would be the best idea, but maybe you could gently keep bringing it up. Maybe just reminding him, albeit subtly, that you know he isn't being truthful, could at the very least lessen his negative reactions over time. I could be totally wrong here, but maybe if you end up with him distancing himself from you more than he is close to you, he will realize how important you are to him and maybe he will get sick of that. Maybe, after long enough, he will get tired of doing what he does to you and stop. I could be totally wrong there and i beg you to allow other people to give their opinions before you do anything. But maybe it wouldn't hurt, at some point, to try and be a little more pushy. Okay, maybe that isn't the words I meant. Not pushy per se, but maybe just standing your ground more?
     
    #2 mojoe, Apr 1, 2013
  3. Dakine

    Dakine
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    Yah, I'm definitely not going to put up with his shit. If he brings it up I will tell him I know he is lying. Before I'd carry on like I believed him. The problem is, I'd we have a disagreement he does the silent treatment cause he knows it infuriates me. I've researched how to deal with the silent treatment and the best way to deal with it is act like it doesn't bother you at all, it takes away their power.

    But yah, I can't keep letting him do this. I just have to find a constructive way to deal with it
     
    #3 Dakine, Apr 2, 2013
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