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Beside Myself! I Can't Forgive Him!

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by June Cleaver, Apr 2, 2013.

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  1. June Cleaver

    June Cleaver
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    The most unthinkable thing happened this weekend! Mike my partner crossed the line. We have a special connection and we are soulmates. Being trans with a male body still really sucks. So I understand his need for VA-JJ and gave him the don't ask, don't tell rule. I won't ask, please don't tell me. Your time is yours, your time with me is mine! And don't rub my nose in it!

    Well I caught wind that he had a plan to bring his first fuck home under the guise of she needs to talk to me in private about her 13yo being his. She is related to my last ex's sister who loves me along with the whole family. That it is a booty call and her family hates him and won't let him over there and he is too dumb to think of a motel. Anyway he last night was breaking me in on the idea that she would come over and they would need some time in privacy and I would have to watch her 4 kids while they talk. Oh I mean screw in our bed......

    I confronted him on the phone about it when I found out this morning after he had left. He stuck to the story he did not know what she was comming to talk about. Than I pressed it and he told me they had not been together for four years and he has needs. I said goodbye and hung-up.

    He is still at work and I have been stewing all day and he will be calling shortly on his break. He usuially calls home at 8 to check in and I will have to do more than say good bye and hang-up. I am still in shock and the cring has not started yet. We are over, I can't see how he could love me and do that when they could do it behind my back in a motel. June
     
    #1 June Cleaver, Apr 2, 2013
    Last edited: Apr 2, 2013
  2. TestingitOut

    TestingitOut
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    Yikes... Im sorry to hear this :frowning2:
    I really respect that you understood his desire to be with a woman, and I think its way more than fair that you told him it was ok to be with women as long as he doesnt rub it in your face. Bringing a woman over to sleep with in the bed you share is rubbing your nose all up on it, and its disrespectful to go against your wishes (which you were very generous about to begin with in my opinion) and then try half assed to disguise the real intentions of bringing the woman home. And what a slap in the face that you become the babysitter while they are off having sex... oh no.

    Also, its one thing to be in a relationship with you, but have sex outside of the relationship. Trying to get you comfortable with the idea of this woman around, strikes me like it might be more than just sex. But who knows.

    If I were you, id demand honest and clear answers when he gets home. Over the phone it might be hard to really have that talk. Id say on the phone that obviously you are upset and hurt and need to talk in person. Communication is incredibly important, and though it might be painful, its necessary in order to keep your relationship going. You say youre soul mates and in love and from every post of yours ive noticed, this relationship is incredibly important for you. Its not something you should throw out in a fit of rage, even if that rage is justified.

    To me the issue isnt about infidelity, since you gave him permission. Its about respect. And you should make that clear to him if you feel Im right about that. A deep conversation is needed, as are specific and clear expectations about sex with people outside the relationship in the future.
     
    #2 TestingitOut, Apr 2, 2013
  3. mojoe

    mojoe
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    I may not be the best person to receive advice from on this subject as I am young and inexperienced with relationships. I will say this though, Wow! you are one hell of an amazing woman. For you to openly allow him to sleep with other women who fit the more physical model of such tells me that you are very serious about your relationship, and that you truly are an incredible person. Quite a rare thing these days. I suppose that it may come with the territory of being trans, but to be able to let someone you love be physical with other people out of understanding and respect of his needs has to be difficult. I just want to reiterate how awesome of a person you are for that.

    I don't want to stir up any anger that you very rightfully have, but i must say that his actions are very disrespectful. That said, however, I want to echo DollaStoreSushi with the communication. It's quite possible that he's grown somewhat complacent with the whole situation. Maybe he doesn't quite realize how difficult it surely is for you or how much of a douche bag he was for throwing this in your face. If you're relationship with him is strong enough for him to sleep around with other women, I'm convinced that it's strong enough to survive this. Just talk, be open, and try not to be too angry, at least not yet. If he refuses to acknowledge the disrespect of his actions, by all means, be angry.
     
    #3 mojoe, Apr 2, 2013
  4. PeteNJ

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    June, I'm so sorry. You've given your man so much. And you're hurting so now.

    You need to look in your heart to know what to say, how to connect with him over this.

    I send hugs...
     
    #4 PeteNJ, Apr 2, 2013
  5. Xochipilli

    Xochipilli
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    Aww June. :frowning2:

    Not cool.

    What was he thinking? :/
     
    #5 Xochipilli, Apr 2, 2013
  6. June Cleaver

    June Cleaver
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    When he got home I took your advise and had a talk with him about it. THANK YOU for the great advise! It is not in my personality to get in a rage anyway. He laughed at me at first. He thought I was joking. This is the closest to drama there has been yet between us. He told me he loved me and only me and he would never do that to me. He also told me he has not yet been with anybody else and has not been talking sex with her at all, just about the kid that is 13 and may be his. Why he could not have just said that to begin with! They have not been in contact for 4 years till now. He also told me that when he does get with a woman, he will "fuck her and forget her" that he only loves me and I will never know. He looked genuinely shocked by this point and I was almost in tears. He then scooped me up and heald me like a man holds a woman and told me he loves me and I am the rock that holds his life together and he could not live without me. He was fighting back the tears at this point. He just heald me for the longest time and just kept saying I love you over and over and he never wants to loose me. Then that he has never before, and could never feel this way about anyone else not even his ex wife when they were in love. (they were high school sweethearts) He then apologised for hurting me, that it was all a lack of good communication. I accepted it.

    Near as we can tell is this was a set-up to break us up. She is part of my ex's family and when we (my ex's mom and sister who told me about it) were talking they did say they wanted my ex to still be with me. They hate his wife, he is my age and now married to a 20yo woman who has turned him against his family, and he is in trouble with a warrent now, and she is a pill head and has him addicted too. They told me I was the best thing he ever had and they want us back together is the bottom line.

    Also I have a trust fund so I always have money. Nobody but me and my family know about the trust fund because it is set to give me money automaticly every month. I learned not to tell people the truth about my money. Ken, my ex threw his winning lottery ticket away and his mom knows it. Ken thought it was a retirement check. Mike has no idea he won the lottery yet where money is concerned. I want to know he loves me not the money. I live a simple (to me) existance way below my means. People, not money are what is important to me and I don't flaunt it but do spend it on thoes around me. I am sure this is a good part of their motavation as well as I premoted his relationship with them. I don't interfere with my man's other relationships like family and friends. I also helped them out with money quite a bit when we were a couple.

    We have a great relationship completely. We have never fought, have a good sex life, and just fit together like a 2 piece puzzle. So everything is just fine between us. He was shocked to know how upset the idea was for me of him having sex with another woman because I kept the appearence when we discussed it in the beginning as though it did not bother me so as to not make him feel bad. I do understand he overlooks my wrong body. True love happens between souls not bodys and he is attracted to women's bodys only with the exception of me. I just pointed out how would he feel if I did it to him. He said he could not handle that and he would kill the guy. After the moment was over, I know now how deeply Mike loves me. We are soul mates, I should known better and trusted him. Thanks again for the good advise and support. I was a real mess yesterday and felt so hurt I could not think straight. It was a genuine shock to hear something like that. June
     
    #6 June Cleaver, Apr 3, 2013
    Last edited: Apr 3, 2013
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