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Married & not in 'love'. Looking for advice.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by indescribable, Apr 3, 2013.

  1. I don't even know how to start this so I'll just try to keep it simple and add the important parts..

    Ive known since I was 8 that I have had a attraction to both sexes but it wasn't until high school that I found out that it was something other people felt too. I had a best friend that was bi and we used to things with each other. We never had a 'relationship' because my parents were very against it so all this was very secretive. Even to this day they don't know about this. I think if my parents understood more or were more accepting we probably would of been together for a very long time because we just got along sooo perfectly and were together every single day.

    I changed schools and from then on till now I have only ever been with men. All the relationships end the same, I loose attraction, start to find them revolting, don't want them touching me etc etc and we break up. 5 years ago my husband and I got married because we unexpectedly fell pregnant, since then we've had a few children. Our sex is non existent these days, he wants it every day more than once a day if he could and I barely want it by choice once a month.

    Watching movies I have a very strong attachment to women and not as much men. I still do have a little but not as much as women. A few years ago I had these 'feeling' for a friends friend (female) but being married i ignored them and shoved them away somewhere. Then I had this crazy crush i guess you would call it on my daughters old kindergarten teacher (again another female) and now out of no where these feelings for my friends friend have come back again stronger than before. I'm trying to ignore them and its not working. She commented on a picture on my instagram and I had all these butterflies just seeing her name on my phone screen. I havent felt butterflies like that in a very very long time.

    I just want to sit here and cry. I am so confused. I love my husband he's done so much for us and I cant break this family up for silly feelings but I feel so wrong. But Im not in love with him where we are all lovey dovey towards each other anymore and he always puts me down because of it but i feel i cant help it. Help!?!?!?! :tears:
     
  2. Priiiide

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    You poor thing, I just want to point out that you say you can't leave your husband for silly feelings but at the same time you can't stay with him if you claim that you're not in 'love' you both deserve to love and be loved!
     
  3. Lexington

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    Before anything else, does your husband know about your bisexuality? Because that's definitely going to be the first place to start.

    Lex
     
  4. June Cleaver

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    If you want to stay in the marrage, then why not find a bi girl to swing with? You will get the girl you crave and he will get sex again. It is most straight guys wildest dream to get that.

    Or you can break the marrage and follow your heart. I feel you both deserve to be in love and be loved. When Mike met me he was married to his high school sweetheart and he was 36, I was single and 40. It happened quickly with us. He knew I was the one and I knew he was the one the moment our eyes met. I was in shock when he left a nearly 20 year marrage for me someone he knew a month or so. They had seperated for many years in the middle when she left him for another guy. I guess this time he left her for another guy. LOL! Now he did not get with me because he was gay, but he found the woman of his dreams where he least expected her to be.

    So you can start a new life and be extremely happy, we are. She is too with her new man and his kids are better off not to be living in a house with unhappy parents and now they get double gifts now. I also suggest you pray/ meditate about it and see what answer you come up with. June
     
  5. Yes he knows that I like girls too and that I have been with another girl and that if it wasn't for my parents I would of had a proper relationship with her. But at the same time I don't think he is very understanding because he always makes smart remarks. Im a very private person so I dont talk about my feelings a whole lot face to face with people.

    I have had a 3way before, with my friend and ex bf, we were all just friends at the time. It ended badly wasn't the right thing to do. I spent the next hour crying in the shower. I dont think it was what I wanted from the start. So I don't think I could swing, it doesn't feel right in this situation either. I would feel greedy and that other girl deserves better than that imo, she seems pretty amazing.

    I feel like if Im going to screw everything up and ruin everything we have together. Our family, our home, our life. I cant predict how things will go but if they went badly im so afraid that things will never be how they were before which obviously they wouldnt be. Im so undecided on how I am supposed to either get past this or choose what I need to do. :icon_sad:
     
  6. June Cleaver

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    What caused you to fall in love with him to begin with? I have found that when the relationship goes to the sarcastic remarks phase, it is over most of the time. With him making smart remarks and you getting upset, how is that effecting your children do you think? If you have a son I would hate for his example (his father) to always be downgrading you and him growing up thinking that is normal. Unhappy parents arn't good role models for a kid. Where as if you were able to fall back in love, or at least get some marrage counsuling to be civil in front of them might be a option. But face it you are probably not going to be happy until you find the real love you desire and he deserves happyness too.

    Now it won't be the same once you start a new life, it may be better and you are young enough to restart. In our case he says he has never lived in a spotless home before now, and rarely ate food in a restraunt to compare to mine and he has it every day. We worked through a problem last night and some of the things he said shocked me. He loves me deeply and I him. So I know for him he has never been this happy and did not think people could in the real world. That is almost exactly the words he used. As for me I also feel I am living in a daydream because I seemed to always end up with a abusive man that does not truely love me. The last one tortured me on a daily basis to the point death seemed like the only way out. You may give some things up, but you may get so much more in the bargin! If you wait 10 more years to find happiness, can you get those misreable 10 years back? Reflect on what you really want and make a plan and GET IT! June
     
    #6 June Cleaver, Apr 3, 2013
    Last edited: Apr 3, 2013