I'm looking for advice for this, but it's more of a rant than anything, so yeah. Some background: My mother isn't accepting of homosexuality or marriage equality, even though she has had gay friends, my godfather is gay(Though I haven't seen him in like 14 years), and her ex-husband is bisexual(She didn't find that out until years later after her and my dad got married). She's actually religious, but she hardly brings it up to defend her views. She says that she believes in traditional marriage, just stating her reasons as it's tradition. I just don't understand her, I guess. Though the real issue is what happen last week. She was talking to one of her friends on the phone about how she doesn't support marriage equality or something a long those lines, I was just trying to block it out and ignore her. Well after she finished talking to her friend, she came up to me and ask "Since your step-sister posted the equals sign on facebook(you know to support marriage equality), did I?" I told her yes since she knew I supported it and she then raised her hand as if to back hand me in which I flinched. She didn't actually hit me, I just want to make that clear. Now I don't get mad often, but when I do, people say it's scary.(I guess it's because they hardly see me mad) I just became so pissed and said something along the lines of "I had to sit there and listen to how you "disprove" of gay marriage and when I simply say "Yes I do" you're going to do something like? She then said, I was only joking... In which I replied "It's something that you don't joke about with me-(I almost told her because I'm gay, but I caught myself)" She then realized how pissed off I was and didn't push it any further. Problem is, because of that, I think she now suspects I'm gay.:bang: I'm not ready to come out to my parents. A couple of days later she suddenly brings up how she has had many gay friends, but she thinks they all choose to be gay. She told me a story of how one of them was constantly called gay and was made fun of for being "girly". She said that he said "Well since everyone calls me gay, than I might as well be gay." Though the strange thing is, she was saying this in a comforting way, almost as if she was wanting me to prove her wrong. Of course I could say "It's not a choice", but I felt that answer would lead to her asking me if I was gay, so I just stayed quiet. Sorry guys:icon_sad: Then she totally does a 180 and posts some image on her facebook page about her views and how she doesn't like being hated on since she's not hating on them, just stating her views. In which I found very hypocritical of her since she "jokingly" almost back handed me for stating my views. I just don't know.... This is going on when I finally came out to someone, so it's just been crazy. I think it would be best if I just moved out (yes I'm 24 and still live with my parents, sigh), but since I can't drive and where I live, you need to drive to get around, it's pretty much impossible. I'll be able to when I'm finished with college, hopefully next year, but right now, I don't see it happening. Right now, I'm surprisingly calm about this, but it's been driving me nuts at some points. Ok I'm done, sorry for the essay.
I suspect the cat's out of the bag. Her behavior sounds a lot like someone that's in between denial, anger, and bargaining, which is exactly where she'd be if she were trying to make sense of it all. I'm not suggesting you take any affirmative steps, but I think she already knows... the anti-gay comments are a common almost-unconscious process that many parents go through when they first figure out their kid is gay, but before the kid has told them... like in a way they're desperately hoping (unconsciously) that if they talk about how bad it is to be gay, that somehow that will keep it from happening. You do need to work on getting yourself out of there, but my guess is, if you were to come out, particularly if you wait another month, it probably wouldn't be a very big deal.
Man, that was the last thing I wanted to hear, but it's most likely true. I'll take your advice and see where things are in a month, but I don't think I'm ready for this..... Thanks Chip for the response.
