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How to cope with people not accepting your relationship

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by zigzag, Apr 4, 2013.

  1. zigzag

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I came out at 14 to my close family, and slowly came out to more and more people since then. My family took it really really well said that it didn't bother them and they would support me etc and they always have. Well until i entered the relationship I am in now that is, and well i just don't know how to try and handle it anymore.

    I know my relationship isn't exactly the norm for many. I am 19 and the boyfriend isn't even a week of 30. We have been together as boyfriends for just over a year now, but we went on dates before that. It was a relationship i entered very cautiously (and not because of the age difference but for personal reasons) and the age difference was spoken about before we decided to even go on a date. We were both honest with our families from when we became boyfriends. Told them honestly about the relationship the the age difference. Well as soon as that happened I kind of lost my families support.

    They made it very clear that they believe that my boyfriend is with my just for sex, and they make the fact they believe this clear around both of us and dont even try and hide it. This is certainly so far from true. We are equals within our relationship and always have been. But they think he just wants sex.

    His family are not any better, they think i just want him because he has money and a job and his own house, and that i am using him for that which is again not the case.

    I thought that after a while of being together people who realise it was a serious relationship but we are still facing the same problems especially from family. And some of the things that are being said especially by my family are just no acceptable. I just at a loss of where to handle things from here
     
  2. BMC77

    Full Member

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    First, I will say it sounds like you've handled one thing beautifully: entering into the relationship with caution, and talk about the age difference. That is probably something more people should do--even people who are close in age/income/etc.

    Unfortunately, disapproval from families is not unusual. Sometimes it exists for no reason whatever. In any good sized family, there will probably be at least one person who gets talked about, with some comment about, "What on earth was he thinking about when he got involved with that horrible creep!"

    I've never been in a relationship, so I can only speculate here. But I'd probably tell the family firmly that I am with my boyfriend, and I'm happy. Then, I'd say I don't expect them to necessarily like the fact, or like him, but I do expect him to be treated civilly. And I'd repeat this as many times as it takes to sink in.

    ---------- Post added 4th Apr 2013 at 12:56 PM ----------

    I don't know how well this tactic would work, but it might be worth considering: if things get really ugly (particularly when your boyfriend is there), you might just get up and leave. I don't recommend this for a really important social event--like a wedding. But if you left, say, routine Sunday night family dinner (or whatever) in the middle, making it clear that you've had it up to your eyeballs with the abuse, it might send a message.