I am Chinese,and studying in Finland, 27, my roommate 21,he is like other Nordic people,quiet,shy and honest. We hangout very often after I moved in with his and his good friend in a three room apartment in Helsinki. He grew up with this straight guy,and he did not have any gay friends before. He is from a small town,and moved to Helsinki to study. We hang out very often, we went to a bar, just two of us together,went to my Chinese food party together, swimming together,gym together. He is a little girly,wearing nice socks with cartoon pattern on.and very gentle when he speaks. He told me he never had a long term relationships in the past,just with a few girls.But I have never seen him with any girls or one night stands. He always say she is hot when we watch tv, another real 100% straight guy dont say anything while watching tv when a hottie shows up. He is super good looking,and he told me many girls fell in love with him. Once in Chinese new year, he was in the living room at 02:00,when I came back,another roommate was not home. I said pointing on the TV: he is such a good singer. He told me he can sing the same. Then he sang some bad songs for me,then I asked him to sing Britney Spears and Lady Gaga, he did it for me. He sang until 05:00. I sat there hearing him singing. I was so happy. Two weeks later after the singing, again, another roommate told us he would be away for 3 days,when he left,on the Friday night, I made alcoholic drinks for him n me. Then I asked him if he would go to a gay bar with me because my friend asked me to go. He did not know I am gay yet. He said it would be weird for him go to even though he had no problem with gay people at all. Then after a movie together,he went back to him room ,trying to sleep. I knocked his door, told him I am gay,I had a big crush on him. He said it is ok,but it is weird, no boys ever told him that.Only girls did. I asked him, are you scared or feel flatted. He said he feels a little flatterd. Then I asked him if I can hug him, he said he had no problem hugging gay people. Then I asked him if I can kiss him, I really wanted to kiss him, in case he refuses,I said I just kiss on your face. He said, if you want to do it, you can do it quick. I kissed him on his face. I felt so in love with him! My best Finnish friend. Then I left, 10 minutes later, I knocked his door again, he did not open it,I called him for one second,then hang it up,tried to control myself. But he called me back asked me what was wrong. I said I want to kiss him again on his face, he opened the door,let me kissed him. I said sorry I am so drunk. I really like you,he said he understands me,many people are gay and those people are even married with kids. He told me he is 100% straight,hope I can find someone else. The next day,we went to my friends Chinese food party like nothing happened. He promised me not to share this secret with anyone. He told me he is a good secret keeper,because he is a kindergarten teacher,teach kids singing,and he is studying nursing at the moment. 100% straight effeminate guy??? Yesterday,he asked me and his friend in ENGLISH,instead of Swedish,(they speak Swedish to each other) can any body sit on my body,I need to practice my back muscles.And I of course want to sit on his buff,hold his legs.... When we watched Jackie Chen´s movie together, he asked me to show Chinese Kungfu. He grabbed my arms,and I felt in love again by his touching... He knew I like him,why he is still trying to be close to me like that? He could just asked his friend to sit on his buff in Swedish. Maybe he wants to me sit there? So confused. Next week we are going to ski together,he was invited by the coworkers,but he invited me immediately. I am so confused, he just want to be good friends with me? or do u guys think he is a guy in the closet ? I am in the closet. But he did not share our secret to another roommate, not even with his brother who he is really close to. Love him,love him,love him. Sad he told me he is 100% straight. Yesterday, I set up my girl friend to another roommate, he thought I am straight though, then he spoke loudly: next time,after him, you can find me a girl friend too. I said do u like Chinese girls? then he said maybe Finnsh girls. I am Chinese,he is Finnish, how can I find Finnish girls for him? Question 2: was he joking or was he trying to show another roommate he is straight,into girls? 3. Our apartment contract ends in the summer, he has to move with his friend into the two room apartment, then I have to move alone to a single room apartment. But he called back while on holidays asked if we should apply for another three room apartment immediately so we can get it soon. We applied the day he came back immediately. Question 3, do u think he is afraid,when we move out ,we are not going to be as close as we are now, so he wants to live with me still? Any chance he may like me,but just dont want to come out of the closet ? Please everyone help me! I really have a big crush on him. I can wait if he is in the closet.If not, I want to move out soon...
Ni Hao Ma, Rui Your roommate sounds like a warm, friendly, open-minded and caring guy. Even if he's effeminate, none of this characteristics makes him gay. Because you have a crush on him and you so very desperately want him to be gay, you are searching and stretching for examples that you think are evidence of his orientation. But none of them, in my mind, add up to supporting your hopes. He's had many opportunities to tell you he is gay, but he has always confirmed his straight orientation. I think he values your friendship and wants to keep you as a roommate. You have to decide whether you can live with him under those boundaries. I know this is not the answer you wanted to read, but this is my best assessment based on your very detailed description. Please direct your warm and caring heart in another direction so it does not get broken. With much Aloha, Milan
Hello Rui, welcome to EC! It seems like the two possibilities are that either your friend is in the closet or just a really open-minded friendly guy. I agree with MilansMele that just because he is effeminate doesn't mean that he is gay. Just as masculine guys can be gay, effeminate guys can be straight as well. I think its a good thing that you came out to him and put the ball in his court so to speak. However, he's told you that he's straight. granted, some of his actions might make him seem gay, and I'm rather unfamiliar with Scandinavian norms, but he's said he's straight... These situations are hard to determine and ultimately it's your call, but based on what you've said, I would consider him straight. Even if he was in the closet, he's in the closet, not out to you, told you he was straight... so he's not exactly in the dating pool. He sounds like a really good friend though. If he is gay, he'll come out to you when he's ready. In the meanwhile, I don't think its a good idea to wait on someone who *might be in the closet*. Maybe you could invite him again to the gay club and watch his behavior/reactions to be more sure but I wouldn't get my hopes too high.
The above poster is right. There is a chance that he may be gay and into you. but if he is, much like quicksplash said, he's in the closet and not ready to be dating other men. To be honest though, it sounds more like he is just a guy who is confident in his sexuality. If he would have reacted more negatively to your request to hug or kiss him, then I might see more support for thinking him to be closeted. In my experience, closeted guys tend to act much more homophobic unless they are on their way out of the closet. I would suggest that you don't get your hopes up very high. If he says he's straight then you have to go with that. If he is gay and in the closet, he already knows that he can trust you and will come out to you in time. Time may be the only thing that answers the question, but don't be too hopeful as it may cause you to end up feeling hurt.
I hope for your sake he is gay He sounds lovely. He is very open minded if nothing else which is nice
Updated: I just wonder when chance comes, when we are alone, drunk again. Shall I try to kiss him on lips? We did not talk about it afterwards, shall I sit down and talk to him? Thank you for all the suggestions. People from English speaking countries are so helpful Best, Rui ---------- Post added 5th Apr 2013 at 11:22 PM ---------- MilansMele： wo hen hao,xie xie ,ni ne? 我很好 谢谢 你呢？ I am fine,thanks,what about you? quicksplash：should I just try to french kiss him next time when we get drunk and alone instead of inviting him to go to a gay bar？Because he said it clear,it is weird to go to a gay bar for him. mojoe： shall I start to share secrets with him so he can see that I trust him,let him show me some of his secret,I keep it to myself. Then make him believe me,and come out to me? He has college entrance exam in June,and I am trying to find graduate job this summer. Guess I shall help him focus on his studies first,when he got in the college,then I try to ask him about his sexuality again? BoiGeorge: Thank you for your wishes. Lets hope so! Besides chance of being gay, any greater chance that he is bi or bi-curious? Best, Rui
I think you really shouldn’t do that. He’s probably not into you at all. It just might scare him off.
End. He told you he is straight, leave it at that. Kissing him now would be completely out of order and pushing it. Even if he isn't straight, he told you he is, so respect that. If he is gay he will come out to you when he is ready. A safe thing to do is to assume everyone is straight until they tell you directly, that way it's harder to crush on straight people. All the best.
Strange stuff happened this evening. Normally we went to swim every week,but today another roommate asked him to go,he asked me,and I said no,I wanted to go to gym. Then he did not go swimming ,instead went to gym with me,and another roommate is his friends for more than ten years.Weird thing is ,in shower,I knew he has small dick,he was trying to hide it from me,but I still saw the tiny dick,1 minute later,he did not hide it,because the dick got hard and bigger. Did I turn him on or because he was shame of his tiny dick,made it hard to look bigger when I could see it??
