Friends who are "partially ok with gay people"

I wish I had a good answer, but I don't.

I'm going through the same struggle. One friend seems likely not to take the news that I'm gay particularly well. She's right wing Christian, and has probably gotten more conservative in the years I've known her. At best, I think she will tolerate the news, but not approve. At worst...well, let's not go there. Let's just say I'm still in the closet because of this one friend.

One challenge in her case: there is some history, and some good things about her. Making walking away--as tempting an idea as that might be--harder.

Also at my most optimistic moments, I think that perhaps one of my God given missions might be teaching her acceptance of gay people.

There are other people who might not take the news well. But I guess none of them are important. I will happily shrug, and move on.

I wish I could be of help...but at least you know you aren't alone in this struggle!

 

Okay, had a whole post done and then the battery went down.:tantrum:

Anyway, what I was saying is that the relatives on my mothers side are all pretty religious and they are okay with homosexuality, but not with sodomy and gay marriage because the assume there will be sodomy. And only because the bible says so. And I like to think of them as people that might not feel that way but just say what they think is right to say...

My mom is different, she thinks the bible should have been updated and she is sure that Jesus was all about love and equalty, so if you follow his believes, things might be quite a bit different than what the book (written by others) says. And she is not afraid to say so. There are fierce discussions about that sometimes...:icon_wink

I wouldn't give up a friendship over it. People have flaws. The thing between friends is that you accept those of eachother, right?
I am not out to a lot of my friends because they have weird thoughts about gays but I have great times with them and that is the most important thing I want out of a friend....

 

Overrides

Personally, I wouldn't. I just wouldn't be friends with people who are thinking like you have described.

 

He describes them also as very close.... would you walk away from a very close friend just because you have a different opinion on something?
Now this happens to be something that FEELS personal, but isn't really. Unless they would tell him they can't be friends with him anymore if he would get married, ofcourse...In that case I wouldn't want to be friends with them either.

You could put it on the scales... one one side what they mean to you as friends and on the other what their staments mean to you and see what weighs most.

 

The people that I've come out to have not shown me anything less than total acceptance. None of them have said that gay marriage should be illegal or anything like that. People I know who have said things like that, for the most part I've removed myself from them. If someone was "partially okay with me" we wouldn't be friends.

 

I think it depends on the relationship you have and what they truly feel. For example, if these are your close, close friends then you really need to think it over. They should love you unconditionally.

But, say it is a coworker or a family member - things are different! One of my friends at work talked about this once. She's 60 something, and is fairly religious. We were taking about it once and she just said she doesn't like PDA, from anyone. She said "I know the preacher says stuff against it....but I don't care."
You have to have context! Does that make sense?

 

How would you define friendship? To me, friendship is more than people that I've had shared experiences with - they aren't simply people I hang around with. I can hang around with and have shared experiences with anyone, even people I dislike.

To me friendship means loyalty, respect, trust, and shared values. A friend is someone I can turn to and depend on in my time of need. It's someone I know that has my back when I need it most. Friendship, to me, is more than just a ten letter word. It has real meaning, and the person who I call a friend has real value to me as an individual.

Someone who does not believe gay people are equal to straight people, cannot be my friend. First, because we do not share the same values. Second, because by virtue of that belief it means that they look at me and see me as less than themselves, and therefore do not respect me.

How can you call someone a friend who looks at you, and believes that you are less-than-equal to them? That you shouldn't be afforded the same rights, privileges, and benefits that they share? That wouldn't defend you when you come under attack, but instead take the other side? To me, that's not someone I can trust.

Would I confront them about it? It depends on the situation and circumstances. In most cases, probably not. I would simply quietly continue on as I was, but make the mental note that I can no longer trust or be loyal to this individual. I'd then actively begin looking for new people to fill their place, people who share my values, who I can trust, who will show me respect and loyalty. Then over time, I'd simply begin slowly severing connections with the individual; tolerating them only as much as necessary.

For me, I deserve to be surrounded by people who value me for who I am - who see me as equal to them, and who will fight just as passionately for me as I would for them. Tolerating others does not mean that I have to invite them into my inner circle, and consider them friends. Shared experiences can create strong bonds, it is true, but that alone is not enough for me to consider someone a friend.

My suggestion is that you take some time to come up with your own definition of friendship, and then decide for yourself whether or not your current friends meet that criteria.

 

I have some acquaintances (I hesitate to say friends, since we really don't know each other other than casually) who are only partially OK with gay people. Most of them accept the notion of being different and being treated equally but have a heavy religious background that allows them to justify campaigning against marriage equality and other rights, even if they don't necessarily object to people being gay/homosexual.

They do however shun other aspects of the community, and despite their generally progressive views, I can't support them on issues. For that reason I'm OK with them being acquaintances however they are not "friends" since I know they will never accept myself and my lifestyle, nor would they set aside their beliefs when it comes down to it.

I've had other friends that to be honest weren't super comfortable with it, however It didn't really effect the other aspects of our friendship since they really didn't say or hold anything against myself or homosexual relationships publicly.

It's all about how you handle it to be honest; I don't care if I make someone feel uncomfortable (Since I know it'll happen at some point) but if their only reaction is to lash out against myself and the community then I can't be friends with them. It's just how it is.

 

I used to be friends with a lot of people that thought like this. When I first came out, they were surprised, but nothing really changed.

Well, then I started to be more open on facebook and IRL. This is what started to cause problems between us. They didn't like that I was "condoning homosexuality" by working at my college campus's LGBT canter. They also didn't like it that I posted stuff about LGBT topics on my facebook. They began to argue with me on my facebook. They also called my phone and would tell me to stop posting these things. Well, we came to an agreement to agree to disagree. This worked for a while, but the damage to out relationship had already been done. We kept fighting and now I don't talk to them anymore.

I'm not saying that all people that hold these beliefs are like that, but you have to be aware and ready to take action if things begin to go this way. You really don't want to go through all of that...