I think my husband wants to be a female

You are going to resent him until you talk to him about it. Approach the topic with him gently and ensure that he isnt threatened by your approach. Saying "why are you trying to become a woman?!" probably isnt the best approach. Sit him down and tell him what you found. He will probably be on edge for awhile or even in denial, but as long as you dont lose your cool, I bet he will be relieved to have told you, after the initial shock of you having found those things. Best of luck

 

Linda,

First of all, I just want to say as a male to female woman going to therapy who came out in a relationship myself, that you do not deserve this. I know it goes without saying but I will say it anyway. You did nothing wrong. Your husband has always had this problem. I don't like the way she went about trying to solve it at all, but she is at least trying to solve it.

It's touching that your first concern for your husband is her safety. You and I feel exactly the same way about her stupid DIY approach. For her safety, I would definitely like to ask that when you talk to her you ask her to get some of her blood sent in for testing to see where her hormonal range is, and what safe levels are. I don't want to come across as selling any website's services, I would shop around. But if you don't find anything else private MD labs Private MD - Buy Lab Tests Online can do a full hormone panel for females.

The reason why I am asking you to send in a biologically male's blood in and have them run a test for females, is so they test for everything. What you are concerned about most is normal liver and kidney functionality, and blood clotting. I know you aren't a doctor. I'm not a doctor. Neither is your husband. This isn't medical advice; I'm just asking you to get information that a real doctor could use to save your husband's life. It's first aid. But you will both have to educate yourselves fairly quickly as to exactly how those hormones work and what safe means, partly because your husband decided to take a doctor's role.

It bothers me even more that she has pills. At her age she is at a high embolism risk from many of the hormones she could be taking. If she had gone to a doctor, they probably would have given something she could inject. I can't say more without knowing exactly what is in her drawer.

Now that she is out of the way, I have come across recently (when looking for help for my partner) an article that is painfully honest titled "Why We Lie". I would highly recommend it to you. Whether or not you can forgive your husband, I'm hoping that article will help you understand her, and more importantly, help you feel a little less numb and like you have some control over the situation.

I can't tell you how to approach that conversation, except to do it with love.

In the short term, your husband is going to need as many people being helpful and supportive as possible. If you can handle it, I would like to ask that you offer some of that support. You don't owe it to her and she doesn't deserve it. I'm just asking you to do it out of love. Your husband did this because she is terrified. Of losing you, of everyone in the world, of losing her job. Becoming LGBT is not easy, and part of being a fully transitioned woman is coming out to the world. She is going to have to become a lion on the inside if she is going to be a woman on the outside.

What I am saying, is that your husband has a condition that is going to require courage that, frankly, she just does not have right now. You on the other hand seem to.

But long term, your happiness is important as well. There are many women that stay with their partners through transition. I think internet statistics are mostly BS but I think the number is around 55% believe it or not. But I would honestly ask yourself if you are willing to be married to a woman. I know you probably can't really think about your husband that way right now. Other people will view you as a gay couple, even if you identify as straight. It may be for the best to separate.

Sometimes love is strong. My partner and I are rolling those dice right now. But both your happiness and hers are important. Both of you deserve a loving and trusting relationship, and one way or the others, you have some serious obstacles right now before you can have that again, with her or anyone else.

I will be thinking about both of you today. Lots of love to you both. I can tell from what you've said you are an incredible woman.