1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

He's Gay? No surprise

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by MrsJensenAckles, Apr 6, 2013.

?

What the hell is this poor & confused bastard?

  1. BI-SEXUAL

    2 vote(s)
    20.0%
  2. GAY

    4 vote(s)
    40.0%
  3. ADDICTED TO PLEASURE

    1 vote(s)
    10.0%
  4. WHO THE F KNOWS?

    5 vote(s)
    50.0%
Multiple votes are allowed.
  1. MrsJensenAckles

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 6, 2013
    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New York
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Disclaimer: This is long and I can't include everything bc my fingers would fall off from typing. I know I obviously made many mistakes from staying in a sexually/mentally abusive relationship. No need to tell me or point that out.
    I was in a relationship with a man (more like little boy) for 3 years. About 6 months into our relationship he admitted to being bi-curious. Now that was shocking for me. I stayed and accepted. After time with him I ended up thinking he was just a horny fuck with a sexual addiction. This kid will literally fuck anything with a hole just to get off, pulse or not. Fast foreword a year I'm pregnant! He ran. When he did manage to see me during my pregnancy the sex got weird. He had fantasies of seeing me with other guys and some bad things I wont speak of. After I have the baby he had an affair with an escort. Tasteful. She really helped him explore his sexual side. So I stupidly forgive him a few months down the road and he tells me about there sex. Lots of anal and strap ons. They brought in another guy as well. So he tells me he's bi, always has been. No surprise there. Now I don't know why I ever got back with him because I won't let him near my son (reason's not to be stated here,) I guess it was a bit of Stockholm syndrome and loneliness. He adamantly would say he was very attracted to women. He would finish during bed, was an amazing lover. At one point my best. His attitude towards women is horrible. He's extremely abusive emotionally. I feel like he would suppress his attraction to men by over compensating with women. I don't see him much but he has a way of manipulating and pulling me back in. It's been such a struggle to just permanently stay away. In the recent long months he begs for strap ons, even wants to pretend to be a girl in bed. He doesn't deny his bi sexuality. It's all he would talk about now. He talks about his need for a man bla bla. I asked him on a few occasions if he was gay, sometimes a girl just knows. He doesn't finish in bed anymore usually has to jerk off. I'm not too conceited but I'm pretty fucking attractive and pretty good in bed. Even if let's say he was "sick" of me after 3 years I can get a guy to cum. He doesn't seem to enjoy sex at all unless it's him being a girl or talking about getting in the ass. 2 nights ago he told me on the phone how badly he needs to be with a guy. I asked if he was gay. He said no he loves women too, he's just an ass man. (He's a WHORE, and had sex with countless women. I asked him if he ever thought he was suppressing who he really is.) Lately he disappears for hours on end. Now I know my instinct if he was with another girl I would tell, he has signs, the way he talks, his guilt ect. But now it's not that I just know (trust me on this I am not in denial nor care) So last night he texts me begging to talk. I finally give in call to ask what's wrong. He says he had sex with a guy all day, he's gay. I was in shock but not in shock at the same time. He tells me he know's for sure now. He just can't have sex with women anymore and he knew it last night. He started to go into details that I tuned out and finally told him stop I don't need to hear it. We had a long talk about it. I told him it explains a lot. It's fine and maybe it'll help him with his abusive ways and anger issues. I promised it would be between us until he's ready to come out and that's that. I had to get off the phone and finally he let's me. He started texting me pissed off that I couldn't talk and ends up saying whatever. This morning he texts me it was all a lie. LOL, right. I reminded him it's okay and I'm sorry for not being able to talk longer last night and we'll talk more later. He then said he's not gay, and he'll fuck loads of women to prove it. What do you think? Maybe I can better fill in details with your responses? xoxo
     
  2. JPC

    JPC Guest

    He's got some serious issues. I can't tell if he's curious, bi, gay, confused or whether he's got some sort of sex addiction issue or something. My mind is doing back flips trying to figure it out so I can't even imagine how confused you must be. I don't think you're ever going to get a straight answer out of him either.

    Have you ever tried to get him to go to counselling? He doesn't seem to know his own mind if he's saying he's curious one minute, then gay, then not gay, etc. He sounds really confused and as you said he's being really unfair on you and is definitely emotionally abusive if he's dragging you into all of this. I think he really needs to see somebody about this who can help him figure out whats going on.
     
  3. theMaverick

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2012
    Messages:
    963
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    DFWTX
    I don't even know what to say to this. If he's abusive, then you should stay away from him. If he is gay, then don't judge him for sleeping with women. Anyone who's questioned their sexuality (at least in my experience and from those I've talked to) has gone through a phase where they want to be straight and they try and make themselves be straight. It's a hard process to muddle through.

    If he says he's gay, then he's probably gay. I can't imagine any world in which a straight person would want to subject themselves to all the bullshit that goes with being gay and coming out.
     
  4. BrokenGuy

    BrokenGuy Guest

    OMFG. I am SO GLAD that you shared this here on Empty Closets! I will try to be as non judgemental, and understanding as I possibly can with this guy, but just know; that I am on your side here. :slight_smile: My ex boyfriend was EXACTLY like this, (only difference being of course, that he had to constantly convince me that he was undeniably and absolutely attracted to men) and despite all the insurmountable bullshit he put me through, with constant denial, and lying, that is just so exhausting and sickening; he still reels me in. I stayed in the relationship for a lot longer than was healthy, and REALLY, in hindsight; it was never healthy to begin with. Anyway, getting back to you here...I DON'T GIVE A FLYING F***, if he has an ultimate form of sexual addiction, is as horny and sexually promiscuous as a bull on Viagra, or is as bisexual as god damn David Bowie...NOTHING...ABSOLUTELY NOTHING...excuse's what he has done to you, and what he has put you through!!!! OMG. I literally can feel your pain, feel your immense anger, and feel your disgust! This scenario is really raw for me, because of my own experience with my ex boyfriend. I think, he should have SORTED himself the F*** OUT; before beginning a relationship with you, and even worse; getting you pregnant and than taking off, to indulge his sexual promiscuity. GOD!!. This is why I really have an absolutely difficult time, in accepting bisexual people, who aren't authentic to themselves, and to everyone else, especially those that they are suppose to be loyal and committed too. And, if he is ACTUALLY gay, than the EXACT same rule and principle applies! SORT YOURSELF OUT, before hurting people, and causing untold damage, that NEVER had to be inflicted. Right now, I am so angry for you, and so disgusted in this man's deplorable behaviour, and treatment! I don't blame you at all, for keeping your child away from him, because he has ABSOLUTELY zero respect, and unconditional love, for the both of you!!! I wish I could do more to help you, honestly; but at least I can give you my viewpoint, of where I stand with this man, and with your situation! PLEASE, keep updating on this website, and you will find, it will REALLY help! Personally; I think you should..CUT HIM OFF completely, and leave him with your dignity in tact; before you justifiably murder him in the night! LOL :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
    #4 BrokenGuy, Apr 6, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 6, 2013
  5. Browncoat

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 2, 2011
    Messages:
    4,053
    Likes Received:
    9
    Location:
    Zefram Cochrane's hometown.
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    All right, I know you put up that disclaimer, but shall I just ask are you sure you ought to not just stay away from this guy? Because I don't think anyone would blame you. I mean, the emotional instability for him going on there is frankly scaring me...


    Anyways, I agree if you want to get him help he needs to seek counseling of some sort.
     
  6. MrsJensenAckles

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 6, 2013
    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New York
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Thank you everyone for your responses! Especially you brokenguy and I'm sorry you had to deal with a similar situation. People like this, excuse my language are selfish cun*ts! Yes I've tried getting him into therapy but I gave up a long time ago. Recently he said he was going to start. He really needs it. I do feel he could be gay and if he's not he can't go throughout his life getting the best of both worlds hurting people. I in the past had a bit of "bi-curiousness" after meeting him and seeing his mind. But never once would go with a girl while in a relationship. Cheating is cheating to me. I'm glad I didn't either, I believe it was just him messing my head up confusing me.

    ---------- Post added 6th Apr 2013 at 12:07 PM ----------

    Thank you everyone for your responses! Especially you brokenguy and I'm sorry you had to deal with a similar situation. People like this, excuse my language are selfish cun*ts! Yes I've tried getting him into therapy but I gave up a long time ago. Recently he said he was going to start. He really needs it. I do feel he could be gay and if he's not he can't go throughout his life getting the best of both worlds hurting people. I in the past had a bit of "bi-curiousness" after meeting him and seeing his mind. But never once would go with a girl while in a relationship. Cheating is cheating to me. I'm glad I didn't either, I believe it was just him messing my head up confusing me.
     
  7. BrokenGuy

    BrokenGuy Guest

    Your extremely welcome! Oh, thank-you, and I am totally OK now of course, because I made sure I left that toxic relationship; that was doing no good for anyone! :slight_smile:

    Oh, the bi-curiousness, and bisexuality isn't the issue; it's the hurt that's inflicted, and the damage; that's inexcusable and unnecessary. I think with what he put you through also, was making you go absolutely insane, and perhaps making you think that you were also interested in women sexually. Your so right! Cheating is cheating, and there is no other way to skin it! Some people try to justify it, but it's purely tied up with selfishness, and a sore lack of taking responsibility for one's own actions.

    Take Care of yourself, and I wish the very best for both you and your child! :slight_smile:
    Remember, that you are worth more, and that you don't deserve to be treated with such disrespect, and in such an undignified, and disgusting manner!
     
  8. Browncoat

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 2, 2011
    Messages:
    4,053
    Likes Received:
    9
    Location:
    Zefram Cochrane's hometown.
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Assuming that you are in the interest of getting him help, and not just "cutting him off," as Broken suggested and the rest of us have alluded to (again, a reasonable option, imo) - are there perhaps any family members you could call? Because, regardless of his orientation (as I voted, who the f*ck knows?), it sounds like an intervention is in order.


    Just getting a sense of him through your description, he seems to be very emotionally unstable. It would seem he really needs to talk to a professional of some sort (i.e., the counseling), just to get his mind back in order.

    That's the sense I'm getting, anyways. Best of luck!