I've been with my boyfriend for 9 months now, and recently we went to a friends house where there was going to be drinking involved. Personally, I detest alcohol . I have a bad history with alcohol, and my boyfriend knows exactly how I feel about drink in general. However, that didn't stop him drinking at our friends house. It's no like he's an alcoholic or anything, but I just get so annoyed when I know of him drinking, or if he is talking about drinking etc.. So at this friends house, my boyfriend only had 2 cans, and a shot ( of strong alcohol ). I don't know why, but I was absolutely upset with him. I couldnt look at him drinking, and many times I pulled away from a kiss because I could taste and smell the drink off him. He says it's not a big deal, because it's not like he got drunk or anything, but that's not the point. I dont have any specific questions, I just need advice on how to deal with this? I don't want to get angry at him everytime he drinks (which he doesn't do alot at all).. So any advice ?
Was it you who had the alcohol problem or someone close to you? Either way your Boyfriend has done nothing wrong, he doesn't have a problem with alcohol, you do! Perhaps you need to come to a compromise, maybe you should have a day off from one another, when he can have a drink with friends, most couples enjoy a little space from each other sometimes, to do things that their partner does not share an interest in!
There are two different issues here: One is your feelings about alcohol. If you have a negative history with it, either because of parents or friends or yourself who have a history of alcohol abuse, then it's understandable why any use of alcohol is a "button" for you. But the other issue is your boyfriend. If he knows that alcohol use is a huge trigger for you, and simply drinks anyway, even if he's not abusing alcohol, that doesn't show a lot of consideration for your needs. Basically, in the short term, this is something where you both need to sit and discuss it. It shouldn't be a big deal for him to not drink at all if it's that uncomfortable for you. But in the longer term, this is also something I'd strongly encourage you to get some therapy for, since there are likely other triggers you aren't even aware of that are associated with being around alcoholics, and since he may eventually feel resentment about not drinking. In short, this issue and the issues related to it are likely to cause other problems in your relationship, even if the two of you come to terms on this issue.
Well, if your boyfriend is not abusing, I don't see any problem with him drinking. But I see your point, it's like I have someone to smoke near me and then try to kiss me as I hate smoke. You should compromise. I don't think it's wise to restrain him because you don't like it, but since you hate it (and I can understand) he would be considerate to not drink every time you go out. I see it as if I had a smoker lover. I would'nt feel confortable around him/her, but I wouldn't feel in the right to restrain him/her. So I think I would let it under the condition it's not near me. Just talk about it. And yes I think it's good for you to see a therapist if you had a bad history with alcohol.
