So I know this openly gay guy at work and we've been mutual friends for a couple of years now. I'm actually thinking about coming out to him so that I could have someone to talk to, but the problem is, I'm pretty sure he likes me. It's a problem because I'm not really ready to date yet, and even then, I'm not really into him. I actually think he's pretty cute and we get along pretty well, but that's pretty much it. He's really in your face about his sexuality, which puts me off and he's very abrasive. He also has this bad attitude that I just can't get use to and he's just way too much for me to handle. The reason why I think he's into me is that he says these suggestive things to me and he says he hates me. Wait, how does him saying he hates me equals he likes me? Well other than saying it, he acts like he doesn't and he deals with his problems with negativity. Also, the way he says it is not hateful; I've asked him why he hates me and he just looked down, and he very quietly said "I don't know..." in a sad kind of way. I don't know, maybe I'm looking at this in the wrong way and he actually does hate me, but I can't think of a reason why....(I hope y'all get what I'm saying, it's very confusing lol) So what do I do if I come out to him and he takes it like I'm asking him out, or if asks me if I want to hook up, because I'm not really into that? The last time someone asked me out was a girl in high school, and I just harshly blurted out "No". I felt really bad after that, since I think I embarrassed her. I don't really want to loose him as a friend because he's the only openly gay guy I know. I live in this small town in a middle of a Bible belt, so there's not that many openly gay people, so he's literally my only outlet to the gay community, if there's one here. Thanks for the help guys!
Hmm, that is a tough situation. If you find that coming out to him would be beneficial and healthy go for it! There are a lot of advantages to having another friend who is LGBTQ! I myself have, only 1 and I am very thankful for him! It is tough being "alone" in the sense that you come out, but only have other straight people in your life. As accepting as they are (in my case at least) they never can fully relate to many issues we have to go through. If your friend can help ease you into being yourself in the world, it might be good to come out to him. However, it does sound like he may be attracted to you based on what you have described to me. If you decide to come out to him, I would emphasize to him your situation. You are not ready to date/have hookups and that he needs to respect that line. You coming out to him should in no way be an indication you like your friend nor are asking him out. It is simply you trust him, and are wanting a friend to help you through these times. If you make that clear, it may be possible to keep your friendship and be out.
Thanks for the response! Yeah at one point, I didn't really trust him, but after thinking about it for away, I think it would beneficial. I know I sort of paint him as bad guy, but he's really not, he can be really sweet. I just think he acts the way he does is because he thinks that's the only way to be out where I live. The place where I live isn't very accepting of gay people, it's not outspoken hate, it's almost like it's taboo to bring it up. Yeah, I feel kind of awkward when I think about talking to the two people I'm out to because they're straight. Yeah, it's confusing and I might be total wrong about it, so I'm worry about nothing. Thanks, I just hope if I do come out to him and if tries to make a move, and I refuse, that he won't go all drama queen on me. lol
Well this sucks. I haven't told him yet and he's now tells me he might be moving 3 hours away from here. This just devastated me since I'm losing my only gay friend and I'm just feeling really depressed. What even makes this worse, today he came to my register and told me "Hey, you know that guy you just checked out, he's really cute." It was the perfect time for me to come out to him, but I just froze and I think I just nodded my head. >_< I don't know, I probably acted so awkwardly that he probably suspects, but still, why is it so hard!?
Have you said it to yourself, out loud, in front of a mirror? It could be that you simply aren't used to uttering the words to an actual live person. Here's an old joke: Mr. how do I get to Carnegie Hall? Answer: Practice, Practice!
I have, but that's probably the reason. It was also in a public place with a lot of people around and I guess I was afraid that someone would hear it or he would of said "OMG! I knew you were gay!" really loudly.(I'm pretty sure he knows)
I say drop everything and tell him. Seriously! What's there to lose? Like you said, he's moving far away and you could make it a private conversation. I made it sound like it's easy though, I know it's not.
Oh, if only you liked him... You could have said "I know someone else who's really cute too" while looking his way. You could have asked him if he would like to check out next and wink. You could have said, "yeah, but he's not my type, I'm more into [description of friend]". The possibilities were endless! But I digress... Just tell him. You could even bring up the above^ and say that you agreed but were too afraid to say it at the time.
