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I didn't mean to floor my best friend and i think i just lost him

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Loveless, Apr 7, 2013.

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  1. Loveless

    Loveless
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    First post

    I've been friends with this great wonderful person for about 3 years in high school, It all started when i overheard him talking about a game that i am pretty passionate about which is Runescape. I've really never had ANY real friends up until this fateful day in grade 10 so i started talking to him about the game and we clicked right away. It quickly developed into a great friendship, we eventually started going to each others houses for those crazy all night gaming sessions and we would have a blast. We eventually found out that there were even more games that we both loved to play, for if you haven't already noticed were pretty hardcore gamers sometimes, so we got even tighter as friends. It went on like this for years up until a couple of months ago, i started to get these feelings for him, they are so strong, and from then on i really wanted to tell him that i had feelings for him and that i wanted to be more than just friends. It took me from about this Christmas all the way to last night to work up the balls to tell him. This one person in our main game, Runescape, started to say all of these horrible things to me and i was literally crying because of it, my friend stuck up for me and defended me. I was so shocked nothing like this has ever happened to me before, nobody has ever stuck up for me. So at this point last night i was just completely consumed by a passionate love and longing for him. So i call him on skype and tell him everything, because at this point i was just so eager to spit it all out to him and i just had too. He did not react well he thought i was joking and it took a while for him to figure out i love him. He was completely floored and he would just keep saying i don't know what to say. He just shut off everything and went to bed i guess because i couldn't reach him.

    I feel like such a idiot now, i am totally disgusted with myself i have been crying all day because i had nobody to turn to, i joined this site and now i'm just saying it all because i have to. i love him and i don't know what to do. i need help
     
    #1 Loveless, Apr 7, 2013
  2. Winfield

    Winfield
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    first of all welcome to EC...

    by reading your post i know your down in the dumps and im sorry about that man. next time ... i personally wouldnt tell someone that i swing and then i have feelings for them in one hit... its too much info to take in for anyone..

    What's done is done... you cant take back what you said ... i think all you can do now is give your friend some space as he needs time to take in all the things you've told him...and after a few days see him face to face and talk to him about it...

    the guy seems like a good mate for defending you on Runscape so he will come around... just be prepared for anything coz his response could go either way just a quick fyi he may not feel the same way about you and that's why he's scared to say something. ask him about it and if he says no then your going to accpet it and be friends.

    All the best Bruz...
     
    #2 Winfield, Apr 7, 2013
  3. Loveless

    Loveless
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    i can't believe i overlooked this but one of the first things he said is i'm not gay, but what the fuck the guy phones me almost every day and we talk for hours, i feel so hurt right now i haven't able to stop crying all day and i just fell like i'm at the point where i'm going to start taking sleeping pills like there jolly ranchers, i would never do it but this is making me start "thinking" about suicide all over again.

    Have you ever dealt with problems like this before if so do you think he could feel the same way about me i'm so madly in love with him i can't sleep or anything.

    by the way thank you so much for getting back to me at the speed of light, this place is stuffed to the brim with good people i can feel it.
     
    #3 Loveless, Apr 7, 2013
  4. Winfield

    Winfield
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    So he spoke to you after you told him? That's good man!!
    It's best you meet with him in person and lay it on the table... When I told my best mate bout me he didn't believe me either... It takes time for it to sink in ... Usually with most people they're friends already kinda suspect it before they even say anything...

    Dude it's going to be hard to take it in if he says he doesn't feel the same way about you. If I were you I'd accept it coz I'd rather have a good friend who knows about me then loose someone your close to coz you like them.

    I personally haven't been in that situation but I've been on the other end. I've had some good friends who outright told me they wanted to be more than mates. I didn't wanna hurt them by saying I don't feel the same way so I backed off. What made me remain as friends with them is that they later came and apologised about it and all was good.

    Meet the guy first have a word with him and see where it goes... Do you suspect he may swing that way? Does he act a bit fem? Have you seen him with any hot girls?
     
    #4 Winfield, Apr 7, 2013
  5. Loveless

    Loveless
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    I'm sorry i should have been more clear, i'm still a little panicky right now and my mind is still racing. basically what his first reaction was is i quote "I...don't.....know what to say" and then he said I'm...not..gay. So i say after you know its who i am man. then we go to bed cause i mean this is a bomb for both me and him. I was sure i wasn't going to tell him i had feelings for him yesterday but it just happened. i'm still giving him time.

    Now he's quite like me as well, but every time i go over to his house and we start gamin or something i have noticed that almost every 20 minutes he asks me how i'm doing and if i'm good. i think this tells me that he cares about how i feel and that makes me feel so good about him.

    But there's a downside he went out with this one chick from his workplace for about a couple of weeks. this was a bullet to the face for me, but it only lasted a couple of weeks and he said she dumped him a couple of nights after they supposedly had sex.
    So obviously something didn't work out there i think it might be because hes in denial, or something but i'm getting all of these mixed messages and signs. ugh and its sooooo hard to figure out if hes in denial or doesn't want to come out or if hes actually straight.
     
    #5 Loveless, Apr 7, 2013
    Last edited: Apr 7, 2013
  6. Winfield

    Winfield
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    Dude, I don't wanna be a dick but he seems straight to me... My straight mates and I do the whole " are you alright" thing too... It's coz we see the other guy isn't himself so we ask, that's just bromance for ya...

    Most guys go through girls like going through a pair of socks... It's just being a typical male wanting ass and its just who we are... I don't date coz I'd rather sleep with girls and guys with no commitment

    Have a rest and start fresh in the morning

    Hit me up on my wall if you wanna chat some more

    Good luck bud... You'll be ok man
     
    #6 Winfield, Apr 7, 2013
  7. Chip

    Chip
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    There are lots of straight guys who have "bromances" with other straight guys. Presumably, unless there's more to this than you've said, that's what was going on here.

    It's unfortunate that you built it up to be something else, but that seems to be what happened. I think if you keep looking for signs he might be in denial, you'll just end up more frustrated and annoyed. I think your best bet is to just work on letting it go and hope that, in time, he'll feel comfortable with the friendship again. My guess is that he's just a little shocked right now and working on processing it.
     
    #7 Chip, Apr 8, 2013
  8. Mystory

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    I have to agree with the above posts. I was in the exact same situation as you with liking my best friend and not having those feelings reciprocated. I felt overwhelmed with guilt afterwards however- feeling as though I had some how betrayed him all those years by making it out to be something more than it was (even though i didnt back then- I had the paranoia of him belieivng that we were only friends so I could "get" with him).

    Anywho, he stood by me after my confession that I was gay, and that I liked him- and it was at that moment that an incredible sense of appreciation swept over me, and I realised that I had established a connection with a true friend that had known almost everything about me (literally), and would still accept me as their friend. The fact that your friend still invites you over and checks up on you sounds as though he is accepting and above all, still a great mate to you.

    As strange as this sounds, he must have really cared about you for acting the way that he did. He didn't want to hurt you in any form whatsoever, and was thus silent and unsure of how to approach the situation, and although he indicated that he was straight, I think this moreover speaks to the fact that he doesn't want to string you on- a true testament to his refusal to, I guess, hurt you.

    You have to move on however... keep reminding yourself over and over- and after awhile your feelings should subside. If you do it right, they should subside, but you will still be very close to him in the sense that he would still be your best friend- calling and texting each other as per usual... And one day you guys will look back on this, and it will feel as insignificant as a fly. Yes you liked your friend, and yes your friend knows- but you two are still close mates.


    when this happened to me, what really helped was reading other stories of similar situations.

    I really believe that you should read this bitter sweet story- very finely written by a member over 8 years ago.
    http://emptyclosets.com/forum/coming-out-advice/185-falling-k.html

    also Winfield I see that you live in the sort of "rich" suburbs of Melbourne ^^ fancy- (that or I don't know my post codes too well)
     
    #8 Mystory, Apr 8, 2013
    Last edited: Apr 8, 2013
  9. Loveless

    Loveless
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    Thanks for all of the support guys and this good advice. Actually i told my school counselor today that i was gay and explained all of this (scroll up lol). Then afterwards we got my mom to come down and i told her i was gay also. At this point i said fuck it and got my mom to tell my dad i was gay. So I've pretty much come out to everyone i give a shit about.

    But as for my friend it's only been two days so i think he needs more time.
     
    #9 Loveless, Apr 8, 2013
  10. Chierro

    Chierro
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    Only time heals wounds like these, man. That's one thing I know for certain. I've gone through pain, other people have gone through pain. It happens.

    I feel bad for you though, I really do. No one deserves to have their best friend be like that. I don't have any personal advice though. Both of my best guy friends have taken my sexuality, well, perfectly. Sure there were questions 'who do you like?' 'how long have you known?' stuff like that. But not a reaction like that. I'm sorry, man.

    If you want, I could post random pictures that I have on my phone to make you feel better. :slight_smile:
     
    #10 Chierro, Apr 8, 2013
  11. Loveless

    Loveless
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    Ahh i'm so happy I've come out and figured out that i am bisexual. to top it all off my friend is talking to me he's accepted me for who i am and i told him i no longer have romantic feelings for him but that i still do care about him as a friend. I feel so good about myself now that i have learnt more about self acceptance. I feel so lucky that my friend accepted me.

    Things are looking up :grin:
     
    #11 Loveless, Apr 9, 2013
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