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Being forced - what to do?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by RavioliFaceMan, Apr 8, 2013.

  1. I know it's long, but please - I need help. Also, this might upset some people - just saying in advance.

    Many years ago, I had a relationship with someone one year older than me. It felt weird at the time as I'd never gone out with someone older than me before. We were not a sexual relationship as I wasn't comfortable with it. One evening, after a very awkward meal out with some of his friends, we went to the loo. While in there, he pushed me into a cubicle and forced me to do things I didn't want to do.

    After this, he didn't seem aware that he'd done something wrong, and I didn't want to cause any trouble so I didn't say anything. I stopped liking him completely though, so we eventually stopped talking and broke up.

    Fast forward about 4 years....

    I'm now in a serious relationship with someone and very happy. The person from before messages me out of nowhere and is very polite and apologises for how he acted all those years ago. I believe him because he's had years to grow up and I wanted to give him a second chance. He invited myself and my boyfriend out for dinner and paid for us, and we played a bit of SimCity together.

    While my boyfriend was away for a while, he invited me to go out and get some dinner so I thought "Why not?" as I'd just be in and bored anyway. He actually took me to his house, parked in the drive and locked the car door. He threatened me and told me he wouldn't let me go until I did, again, something I didn't want to do.

    This was about 2 weeks ago. Obviously, I will never speak to this person again. I don't want to go to the police about it because it could ruin this person's life. I don't believe he has done this to anyone else, but I realise there is a chance that he could ruin someone else's life through it. Is it important that I do this?

    I'm also very worried about speaking to my boyfriend about this. He might be upset that I have done something with someone else while he was away. I'm autistic and sometimes can't tell how someone will react to things. Should I mention it to him?
     
  2. Dublin Boy

    Dublin Boy Guest

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    Personally, I would go to the Police, Sexual Assault is a serious crime & this Guy has got away with it twice, I doubt you are the 1st or more than likely the last, if he is allowed to get away with it, this will make him feel invincible & untouchable, he needs to be brought to account & you need some sort of closure, do you think your Boyfriend will support you?
     
  3. piratealisonnn

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    First of all, it's not your fault that you were forced to do something you didn't want to. That is called rape. Personally, I think you should go to the police. If he didn't want his life "ruined" by you speaking up about it, then he should have thought twice before he did what he did.

    I am very sorry that this happened to you :frowning2:
     
  4. The first time with this guy four years ago wasn't the first time; it happened worse when I was younger, and I received many years of counselling for that. I think it was this experience that made the more recent times feel almost normal.

    Anyway, I do think my boyfriend would support me, but he may be too concerned, and go to the police or my Mother without asking me, which I definitely don't want.

    When I was 16, I was speaking to a 15 year old guy for about a month. When his Mum saw that we were speaking (long distance), she went to the police to make sure I wasn't some 30 year old posing as a 16 year old. I had to go in and be interviewed in the station and it was all very frightening, and I found out all of the things that happen to people that do crimes like that. I was ok, of course - I'd done nothing wrong.

    I don't think I'd want to put someone else through that after being put through it, and at the same time I don't want to put anyone through the experiences that I've had from this guy. I'm still not convinced about the police - I'm tempted to just leave and forget about it to be honest. Would this make me a bad person?

    Also, Dublin Boy, I want to think you for being helpful to me quite a few times here - you always make good input and help me out! I owe you! Of course, the whole community here is fantastic - thank you all.
     
  5. ilayis

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    Tell somebody.Sure u didnt like being interrogated but he needs to be and put in jail.Im sure u dont want him doing tthe same to someone else or worse.
     
  6. birdy

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    I'm so sorry that someone did that to you. That is rape. I think that you should tell your boyfriend for support and go to the police. Putting your rapist through an interrogation at the police station is nothing compared to what he did to you. Don't feel guilty for taking action to protect yourself and other innocent people. Of course, it's ultimately your decision to make. If you don't want to go to the police, then don't I guess.
     
  7. BMC77

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    By "forced me to do things I didn't want to do" I assume that this was some sort of actual sexual act. If that is the case, it is rape. Period. And, like others say, you should go to the police.

    Yes, it's tempting to just forget it. I don't know much about rape, but I am under the impression is this the idea many women have had. But the problem is that a rapist just goes on to rape others. And that will more than likely be the case with this guy, until someone goes to the police.

    Indeed, this creep has already shown that he's willing to do it again. Not only do it again, but do it again after apologizing for the first time!
     
  8. Dublin Boy

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    Your more than welcome Benjy, here as always (*hug*)
     
  9. BMC77

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    I also think you should your boyfriend. He could get upset, but only because you were raped.

    As for your mom, you can tell your boyfriend you don't want her to know and all the reasons why.

    ---------- Post added 8th Apr 2013 at 04:58 PM ----------

    Finally, you might consider getting more counseling to help with processing this.
     
  10. Chip

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    I'm really sorry to hear about what happened to you. And as others have said, you did absolutely nothing wrong.

    This person forcibly sexually assaulted you, twice.

    Both times, it caused you great mental anguish.

    So why in the hell do you possibly care AT ALL about the impact reporting it will have on him?

    People need to take responsibility for their actions. And I can almost guarantee that if this guy has done this to you, twice, that he has done or will do this to others. Until someone steps in to stop him.

    I would, without question, file a police report and press charges.

    I would also tell your boyfriend what happened. That part will suck, but you owe it to your relationship. If your relationship means anything, it must be based on authenticity.
     
  11. asmith6543

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    REPORT the guy.
     
  12. Chierro

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    I agree with everyone else. Report him! You admitted you'll never see him again but what if he just gets together with you somewhere? What if he would rape you again? That would be three times he sexually assaulted you and most likely he has other people. You've got to go to the police dude, it's the safest option.
     
  13. Ettina

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    I seriously doubt you're the only one he ever did this to. Someone who'd sexually assault the same person twice 4 years apart is almost certainly sexually assaulting others. One time could be a mistake or an aberration (probably not but could), but the second time is a pattern. And especially since he clearly planned this, using fake remorse to manipulate you so he got an opportunity to do it again.
     
  14. BMC77

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    I've already voted "go to the police." In this situation, I know if I let this incident slide, and heard later on that someone else got victimized, I'd feel terrible that I hadn't done anything.
     
  15. Loveless

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    Oh my god i can't believe that piece of shit, Dude if he's making you do things that you do not approve of that is rape. This is a serious crime call the police on his ass and make him pay for what he did to you.