I am not out of the closet to my father or my brother. I was outside today with the both of them, because my father was cooking a steak on the grill. My brother makes his own beer, well he tried to, at least. Anyways, he had brought over two bottles and with the second bottle he brought over, someone drank half of it, and my father says it was not him. I did not drink it either. And let me back this story up, to like a week ago, my best friend Rebecca came over, and we were in the kitchen cooking up some food, and I wrote on a notepad, "Rebecca was here, sucking face". I was going to throw it away afterwards and I forgot. My parents woke up the next day and were curious to know whose face she had been sucking to which I replied that she wasn't sucking anyone's face and that I wrote it to be funny. And she comes over all the time, because she's my best friend, and life at her house sucks ass. Anyways back to the original story, they were talking about who drank their beer, and my dad was like, "I think Kyle and Rebecca got into it" and I knew where this uncomfortable situation was headed and so I was like, "It so was not me, you probably drank it dad, and you just forgot". And I was trying to change the subject. And I did, for a while. And then as the typical guy conversation, it always has to be about sex and girls and so my dad decides to shoot back to the conversation and was like, "I think Kyle and Rebecca were drinking that beer and sucking face (noting to the previous story) and then I explained to my brother about that story, with him laughing and so my dad was like, "And Rebecca comes over here a lot, Kyle must be big". And their it was, I was really embarassed and uncomfortable" and I couldn't sit there any longer, and I seriously got up, "And said, "No, you don't understand" and I stormed away. And because I am not out yet to the either of them, conversations like that make me very uncomfortable and I do not know how to handle them. I went inside and told my mother about it, because I am out to her, and she was cooking boiled eggs for the spinach, and she wanted to show me how to peel the eggs, and my brother walked in and was like, "Rebecca has eggs" and I laughed and changed the subject. Anyone else not out, get into these embarassing conversations? And how do you handle them, and how should I handle them? I have to now go eat dinner with that same family, wish me luck, because if there's anything more embarassing, it's having dinner with people who like to talk with their mouth's open.
I think to start with, I'll share an observation with you that I made a year and a bit ago. When I first went to university and then came back home for holidays, one of the main things that really stood out about returning to my family after being away from them is how overcrowded a household can get. People who get cooped up with each other for extended periods of time will often turn to winding each other up to get a bit of satisfaction, my younger brother and I used to deliberately annoy each other quite frequently. It doesn't mean that these people don't love or care for each other, but sometimes teasing and jabbing will just happen among families, simply because they're in a bit of an antagonistic mood and there's someone readily available to tease, so they take the opportunity that's handed to them. It's not inhuman, I imagine we've all done it or at least thought about doing it every once in a while, it's just a bit unfair for you given the extended scenario of not being out to your dad or brother. I know it's difficult given how annoyed it makes you, but you've got to try and see this from your dad and brother's perspectives; they have NO idea how much this is annoying you and why, and you can't expect them to have any idea because for your own reasons you're not out to them yet. I'm sure if they knew, that conversation wouldn't have happened in a manner that you found so hostile. If it's starting to bother you to the extent where you no longer feel comfortable spending time with them, it may be time to start thinking about how you might come out to them. No rush or anything, maybe talk it over with your mother a little and gain a bit of scope on how the situation might go. As for the time being before you're ready to do that, I know this is exactly what you don't want to hear, but the best option in my mind would be to just laugh along with them when this happens and try to humour the conversation, repeat inwardly that *you know better*, and that if they knew better as well this wouldn't be happening. Treat it like a joke, because if they see that it provokes an overly emotional reaction from you, the natural desire to tease some more will be stronger. Hope I've been of some help!
I appreciate the reply. I felt kind of silly after I posted because it does sound like something stupid to get upset over, but then again, it's very understandable and you are right, they do not know how upset or annoyed the conversation made me, but then again, the way I stormed away mentioning how they did not understand, I was hoping that would give them a hint, even though I am pretty sure my brother already knows I am gay, since his friends have always guessed it over the years, much to me denying it. But that was when I was a whole lot younger than I am now. I honestly do not think he would really care anyways. Even though he's said things in the past, that would make me think otherwise, he seems like a pretty laid back guy to me. And as for my dad, I am for sure he thinks being gay is a sickness, and I had a dream a few nights ago that I did come out to him, and he was very upset, and then again I've had dreams where I came out and he was fine with it, but if I could get my driver's license, save up more money, and get more independent, maybe then I wouldn't mind coming out to him because at least then, if he really wasn't okay with it, and wanted me out, I could leave, knowing I could depend on myself for a while. Maybe that day will come one day soon, or maybe a year from now. Though you'd think with having a 21 year old son in the house, who doesn't talk about girls, doesn't bring girls home to meet the parents, doesn't date in general, nor likes to have conversations about girl "friends" that it should ring a bell in his mind, that hey, maybe his son is gay. But then again, for him, it's probably something that has crossed his mind, but with his views, it's probably something he tries to ignore and not think about a whole lot.
