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Transman and gay, do I have a chance?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by GayTransman, Apr 11, 2013.

  1. GayTransman

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    Hello everyone,
    I'm new here and I'm dying for some advice. I'm transman that has recently fallen madly in love with this guy on the internet. I've not been attracted to men before or had relationships with men. We started just as friends and as we were communicating with each other we have fallen madly in love and are desperate to meet each other. There is a big problem though. I have not told him the truth about myself, he doesn't know I'm a transman and frankly speaking I don't think I have a chance with him, first of all because I didn't tell him the truth and second of all because of being a transman. I know the right thing is to tell him and whatever happens, happens. But what I like to know if anyone knows about any succesfull transmen- gay relationships out there? Would really appreciate any advices or reactions.
    Thanks anyone.
     
  2. Honor

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    I can't speak for Transmen, but telling the truth is always best. Even if things don't work out, you being open about yourself is a good thing. I hope if and when you tell him the truth he will still continue to like you, but I would be honest before it gets to be to late?
     
  3. LD579

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    Honestly, this is a mixed issue for many people. The only real way to know if you have a chance with this guy is to tell him about yourself. The guy may or may not find it an issue... He may be willing to give things a shot, either way.

    Unfortunately, I don't know any gay people in relationships personally, or any LGBT+ people in relationships, for that matter.

    It sounds like you may want things to work out with this guy. If so, eventually you'll have to tell him about yourself honestly and fully. He may or may not take it well, but you deserve to be true to yourself, and he may deserve it, as well (I don't know how long you guys have known each other, and how much you like each other, so as to whether he should know now or later, I can't precisely say).
     
  4. gravechild

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    I'd be lying if I said there were no transphobic or sexist gay/bi men, but at the same time, was surprised at how liberal in their views many were when asked about it. A few even were against the idea at first, but made exception for one person, or shifted their preferences entirely to include transmen. Others are fine if the guy is post op, masculine, a certain height, etc. If posting links from other sites were allowed, I'd do so in a heartbeat, so you'll have to search yourself.

    I think it's best to tell the truth, since I'm not sure I'd want a close relationship with someone who was completely unaware of something as major as say, my gender or sexuality. The guilt and repression would eat me up inside, and when the truth came out, it probably wouldn't be a positive experience.

    There are guys who will go 'stealth' and successfully pass without much trouble, though. It's really up to you.
     
  5. nikom87

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    I would just be upfront about it. Sure, there is a possibility that he won't handle it well, I think there is a likelier possibility that he wont have a problem with it at all, especially since you've developed a relationship already.

    And don't worry about never having a shot at love or companionship. I am a gay trans man who is married to a supportive cisgender man. And I have heard of countless other gay trans guys who have had great experiences with gay and bi cis men. So no worries :slight_smile:
     
  6. June Cleaver

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    You must tell him! I am trans myself and being the other side of the coin, gay men won't look at me twice I hate to say, but you are male spirited unlike me. So he might... There is only one way to find out! You will have to find your nich. Mine is straight men. So I don't worry about the gay ones and run like hell from the bi ones. Once I figured it out, and knew who to date it made it way more easier to get a man. Last year when I tried for a gay one again I was alone for a year! So the second straight one I let in my world is now my BF and the first is still calling, in fact I am doing his laundry right now. Meanwhile I have a third realling getting intense the last few days. I have a soap going on in my life at the moment. So don't get discouraged, you will find your nich if this does not work out and there will be one for you or three! LOL! Good luck! I hope he works out, if not look for the group who will accept you and go for it. June
     
  7. Rose27

    Rose27 Guest

    Dumb question. Is the term transman always for a man transitioning to a woman? Sometimes I get a little confused by all the terms.I don't ever want to respond to a post and offend or hurt someones feelings. Thanks
     
  8. nikom87

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    Trans man or FTM are people assigned female at birth who are transitioning/have transitioned to living as men.

    Vice versa for trans women/MTF.
     
  9. Ettina

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    General rule is call trans people by their gender identity, not their natal gender.

    Though I still prefer MtF and FtM just to be clear.