I've been wanting to get this off of my chest for a long time. I'm a 16 year old closeted gay from New Jersey. I have told literally no one about my sexuality and I'm okay with that for now. My freshman year of high school (2 years ago) I met a guy. We had a few classes together that year and I liked talking to him - he was funny, outgoing and (although I would never admit it at the time) ridiculously cute. I didn't think of him as more than a friend until a few months or so after I first met him, when during one of our classes he began touching my upper leg, I suppose you could say even grabbing it. At first I thought it was just a joke (I couldn't admit how much I liked it) but it continued happening on a regular basis. Prior to those events I didn't really question his sexuality too much, although I do admit he was a bit flamboyant at times, but to be honest a lot of straight guys are. Over time, I realized I was starting to have feelings for his guy, let's just call him T. We remained friends over the next two years and for some reason the feelings still have not left to this day. We talk every now and then when we see each other - but I'm pretty sure he's straight. He has a girlfriend and they've been dating for over a year now I think, but every time I see him I can't help but think about how flirty he was, and sometimes still is, with me. For example, a few days ago, he put his arm on my shoulder, and when I turned around to see who it was, it was him, and we just looked at each other in the eyes without saying a word. The fucking problem is I can't tell if he's being serious or just being a cock tease (I'm pretty sure I give off gay vibes, lol oops), or if he's just being himself I desperately wish I didn't still feel this way and I want to move on with my life. But he's the first person I've ever had these feelings for and there's no way I can tell any of my other friends because I'm not ready to come out yet, so I'm here. I need advice, because this stupid thing that started out as a little crush has turned into a monster that I can't escape. /rant over Please help, tell me what you think!
Well... As I'm sure you know, there's not much you can do, in a way. He's in a relationship. You'll have to get over your feelings for this guy, basically, because as far as you know, he's straight, and as far as he knows, you're straight, and he's been in a lengthy relationship. He may just be a touchy-feely guy. Really, though, it's best to assume nothing. Keep him as your friend if you wish, but it wouldn't hurt to look at other guys and all. Spending some time away from him may help, too. Learn to try and associate attraction with other guys. Hang out with other friends. Make new ones. Do things for yourself (Want a coffee today? Go get one. Want to window shop today? Go for it.). In time, the crush should fade away... Feelings at this age are exacerbated and intense. With that in mind, it may be best to get over him and perhaps look around at other guys. You never know what may happen, so keeping your options open to other guys who are more available wouldn't hurt.
Trust me, I try to not start conversation with him if I were to see him in the hallways or something - but that doesn't stop him from talking to me, which he does. And it sucks. But I will definitely try to associate attraction with other guys. I know I'm stupid for feeling this way in the first place. I want to get over him. But God, it's difficult. This forum has definitely helped me though. Thank you.
No your not stupid for feeling this way, it's natural and according to your posted orientation it is who you are. Don't worry about it, as Luthan said he must be the touchy-feely kind of person, i mean if this guys been in a relationship for a year he must be straight. Besides you could have been seriously hurt by this person if you were to tell him your feelings for him, trust me i'd know just look at the shit i posted this past week if you want something to relate to, God its crazy. But anyways it would certainly be healthy for you to start to interact with other guys. I know it hurts in your gut but getting over lost loves is just a part of life and it means your growing up more.
