At least once a week, my grandmother makes subtle hints about me finding a husband or straight up tells me to get a boyfriend already. I know, I should just ignore it but it's very hurtful to hear it (what feels to me like) all the time. Despite having told her multiple times that I am not planning on getting married, ever, or having children in the near future (15-20 years). Yet, she keeps saying these things to me as if I'd never said anything and when I point it out to her, she tells me that I'll change my mind eventually. And this is exactly why I'm never coming out to my family. It's one thing to hear them say how unnatural homosexuality is, but being constantly ignored and told that I'd change my mind or don't know what I'm talking about is probably a lot more hurtful to me. Up until now, I think I've dealt with it very well, I simply ignored it, but yesterday after hearing it for the fourth time, it literally made my skin crawl. I hate it so much when they keep going on about my future life as if I didn't even have a say in it and as if I don't have a husband then it won't be a legitimate, real life. Sorry if it feels like a rant, I'm very fed up with their constant suggestions and ideas on how to get a man. It's not that I can't, because I have had a few opportunities, it's that I won't. P.S. If I can go away to university in September, which I won't know for certain until the end of July I think, I'd be living off of student loan (brilliant way to start my own life - with a massive dept by the end of uni), so I won't be supported by them financially. And anyway, they don't want to do that anymore, they've told me so. And it's got nothing to do with my sexuality, only my age. I know that if I told them I was gay they wouldn't believe me and would tell me I haven't found the right man yet... Because in our family no one's gay. It's got nothing to with us, homosexuality only applies to those people, as it it not natural - according to my family. I repeat, this is my family's view, not mine. They've always preferred to live in blissful ignorance. Still, I want them to know (at some point) because they are my family and if they've loved me all my life then this shouldn't change anything but I have a feeling it would. I think it'd make my grandmother even more determined to have me married as soon as possible.:lol: Well, anyway, I think I feel slightly better now but I'm sorry you had to read all that.:icon_redf Any suggestions on how to deal with my family's comments? Without implying I'm gay?
I'm sorry Whenever I'd tell my family that I never wanted marriage or kids they treat my claim with mild contempt, but nothing as hurtful as yours (*hug*) It's a difficult situation, how do you usually react when they push the issue; get angry, get upset, respond coolly and logically? The best advice I have is to try sitting them down and explain to them EXACTLY why you don't want to do it. (For example, not wanting your future love to be represented by a legal contract, difficulties of divorce, money better spent elsewhere, etc) Basically this should prove that you're not just saying it for attention or from an ignorant point of view. It'll show how much thought you put in to the idea and that your view is one of careful deliberation, not hormonal whim. But you may have to accept with your Grandma that there is a generation gap and when she was your age women didn't really have the option to not get married in general. Hope it helps, and Good Luck at Uni!
