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Getting Physical with My Crush (but not in the way I know ya'll are thinkin' ;D)

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by StormySea, Apr 12, 2013.

  1. StormySea

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    My best friend/crush who I've known for 12 years have always been fairly close (sharing beds at sleepovers [or even not sleepovers], flirty playing, spending a majority of our time with one another, knowing everything about one another and whatnot) and although I'm not the kind of person to be really physical with another person, she's the one I've ever really gone up and hugged for no good reason and play-tackled and will sit shoulder to shoulder or knee to knee.

    Tonight, however, I just got back with her from a martial arts class where there was (obviously) a whole lot of touching, and of course we were sparring partners. I am completely and utterly torn between being insanely (and selfishly >.<) happy about being so close or feeling really awkward and terrible that I have to throw punches at her. :| I'm terrible when it comes to judging my own strength, and even though I was trying my hardest to keep it under control, I already managed to hurt her neck. ;.;

    The whole thing has been tearing me apart since I got home, and I don't know whether or not to stop this whole martial arts thing before it gets out of hand. I really like the class, but I don't like being rough with her. I can't see a way out of this without offending her or being subtle about it. She said afterwards it was fun and she wanted to do the class again next week, so that's already enough to make me want to do it again if she enjoys it, but...
    :help:

    I should probably also add that I haven't told her about being into girls and I have no idea what her sexual orientation is. (I'm honestly too scared to tell her in case everything that I get to do with her now will be over- and I've been crushing on her so hard for the last three years she's pretty much become the center of my world. XD)
     
  2. StormySea

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    Well daym, 53 views and no one's got anything? :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  3. gibson234

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    I'll try and answer. If I was you I would talk to her about it. You don't need to tell her that you have a crush on her (straight away at least) but you can say that you don't like "fighting" with her. You can say that you don't want to hurt her because she's your friend. Unless you think she is homophobic or is going to react badly, you should tell her that you have a crush on her at some point; from experience I can say that rejection is better than "what if's".
     
  4. StormySea

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    Thanks for the advice!
    Yeah... That seems like a good way to put it. I think what I'll probably do is see what happens at the next class and if she does get hurt or the moves get more physical (because that was something I almost couldn't handle xD) I'll tell her that.

    Fortunately, I don't think she's homophobic. Her aunt is lesbian and when I was a homophobic little middle-schooler (I was a terrible child who didn't know any better >.<) she always stood up and argued for LGBT rights whenever we got into those sorts of disagreements.
    Although after coming out to my brother, I don't think I can trust myself to judge other people's reactions anymore. I'm also just terrified that things will go south and she won't want to hang around with me as much- or if things go really bad her memory of me will always be negative and I'll just be a weird and queer girl she once knew. ;.;
    To be totally honest, those "what ifs" are kind of what are keeping me going here...
     
  5. Mystory

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    I use to think like you- I cherished that sense of secrecy and wild excitement- the very same kind that you are holding onto- that your friend might be gay. You see, when you do expose yourself and confess to her your feelings for her, and you receive a "no"- the finality of the rejection is crushing and painful- and every single past experience and memory shared together is then called into question on both sides: she may reflect upon your past intimacies with her, and you may reflect upon those "supposed" moments of intimacy and in turn question its authenticity and genuineness- "so she meant nothing by this, nothing by that?" etc.

    As to your question about hurting her however- i think that you might need to draw a line between where martial arts and playful sparing ends and where the deeper, apparent frustrations begin. Is it safe to presume that you feel a bit frustrated from the fact that you have been stuck upon the same person for three years?

    that said, you can't keep holding onto something that may very well be a false sense of reciprocation- it's especially not fair upon you, feeling like you're being strung along constantly...

    On the other hand however, drawing from my personal experience, receiving a rejection is painful- very painful. You begin to question all future encounters with her, thinking to yourself that it 'never meant anything' to begin with or ideas along that line- and upon those sombre realisations, I can say this frankly: it hurts.

    However, I do strongly believe that you should first come out to her- because afterall you two sound like really good friends- although if she doesn't take it well, future martial arts classes may be a bit awkward. That said, I still recommend you coming out to her!
     
  6. Honestly, I think that you're fear of possibly hurting her is something you need to get over. She has signed up to do martial arts, which is a combat sport. You need to respect her as a fellow martial artist. She clearly enjoys it and has no problem with being hit (she probably wouldn't be taking martial arts if she did). Just practice self control. Whenever I spar with someone, I base the strength of my own hits based on how hard my partner is hitting me. If someone hits me with their full strength, I assume that they are okay with being hit with the same force. If they are delivering weaker hits, I adjust and hold back so that I don't hurt them.

    If you enjoy martial arts, you shouldn't quit because you are afraid of hurting someone. When I was about 13 (I'd been in Taekwondo for around 2 years at that point), I broke a girl's arm while sparring her. I felt terrible and had a similar crisis, so I get where you are coming from. However you need to remember that she signed up for this, and she actually sounds pretty excited about it, so you don't need to coddle her.
     
    #6 Count Duckula, Apr 14, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 14, 2013
  7. StormySea

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    Thanks so much for taking the time to respond! That really means a lot. :grin:

    Re-reading what I posted and the responses made me realize that I am being a bit too protective of/coddling her (again)... :bang: That's kind of embarrassing. .-.


    So I guess the answer is that I just have to suck it up and tell her huh... Dang it, that's terrifying. D:
    But it's probably best given the current situation.
    To be honest, even if I do get completely and utterly rejected by her (either by just telling her I like chicks or if I do eventually tell her everything), by that point I'd just do whatever I could to make her happy- and if that meant keeping me out of the picture, then so be it.

    Regarding your second paragraph- I apologize in advance for my poor reading comprehension skills and if I'm totally off the mark here- it's not like I want to hurt her, I'm just a bit rough when it comes to play-fighting and she's... well I don't want to say 'disaster-prone', but... let's go with petite. xD
    I used to be frustrated about liking her for the first few months because I didn't really know what to do about it and there were a lot of really, really mixed signals, but now I just enjoy being around her. True, I sometimes want things to go further, but I don't see the rush in any of it.

    ---------- Post added 14th Apr 2013 at 03:57 PM ----------

    That's actually a really great tip- thanks! I noticed when we spar she's definitely delivering weaker hits then I am. I really need to tone it down >.<

    Aw man! D: Yeah, I know the feeling; Unfortunately, I've managed to break fingers and sprain wrists and angles multiple times just in school PE- and not even in combative sports in some cases. .-.
    But yeah, we both like it, so I'll try and stop the coddling! xD Especially because she hates it when she realizes people are coddling her. XD
    I guess it just kills me to think that now I'm in a environment where I could literally break her. o.o So on a sucky factor that's about a 3/10. But eyh, whaddagunna do. :/
     
  8. Ettina

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    I do karate, and I've often sparred with people I'm close to (family). A few times I've gotten hurt by them (slight soreness, maybe a small bruise, nothing more). It's no big deal to me - I certainly wouldn't get mad at my sparring partner about it. Personally, I think if you freak out at getting the slightest bit hurt, karate's probably not the sport for you.
     
  9. StormySea

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    I'm not worried about myself getting hurt- it's the people around me I've gotta watch out for. xD
    I have a nasty habit of breaking things. >~<