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How to approach non-talkative crush?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Shyguy5, Apr 13, 2013.

  1. Shyguy5

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    I want to talk to this guy in my class but he isn't very talkative. Everyone in my acting class has gotten comfortable with one another while my crush is still a little bit distant. I always see opportunities to talk to him but I get nervous. I've gotten out of my shell and am able to talk to everyone except him.

    I don't know how converse with him when we're in a group together or at least say more than "Hi, (crush's name)" or "Bye, (crush's name)"
     
  2. Jameson

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    Well, keep up mentioning his name when saying "Hi so-and-so" or "bye so-and-so", I do that with my crush and it seems to create a sort of familiarity and sometimes intimacy :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    Anyways, on to talking to him and starting up a conversation: Be normal and try to be yourself. Say things like "Hi, how are you?" or "What's up?". If you're feeling extra brave say something like "You don't seem very talkative!"/"You seem shy-ish."

    Hopefully a relaxed conversation will continue. Keep this up for however long you want, and then decide whether to pursue your crush or not. Talking to him is a great thing to do, just be relaxed and try to be friendly before being flirty.
     
  3. Hefiel

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    If he's an introvert, try this for a start found at http://sveidt.deviantart.com/ - Imgur

    There are some... peculiarities depending on the type of personality you'll be dealing with, but most introverts open up relatively similarly. You have to take it slowly without forcing them. If you can find an interesting topic that you're both interested in, he'll be able to open up more easily as well. Introverts, and especially type INTJ/ISTJ, are generally not interested in gossip or small talk at all.
     
    #3 Hefiel, Apr 13, 2013
    Last edited: Apr 13, 2013
  4. Crystal's Vaporeon

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    Facebook? I'm a shy person irl and I know I will be more likely to talk to someone if they talk to me over Facebook or any form of contact where I don't have to see the person. So see if you can get their Facebook or something similar and start talking to them there, talk like that for a while then try casually talking to them in class.
     
  5. damn liar

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    As someone who has spent much more time than he'd care to admit researching this issue, I'm glad I finally have the opportunity to share some of my findings. :grin:

    The most important thing, I think, is to don't give up easily - most people give up on shy people way too soon. Also, remember that everybody loves to talks about themselves and things that interest them, no matter how shy.

    So I would advice to start the conversation yourself with something casual and chit-chat-y, then tell a small anecdote or something and ask him questions, open ended questions ('What did you think about the film?' as opposed to 'Did you like the film?'). Asking questions, apparently, is the most important thing in a conversation, along with listening - you have to listen to what he's telling you, that way you'll know where to take the conversation.

    However, since you say he's not very talkative, you'll have to talk a little bit yourself until he warms up to you.

    Some things you can always talk about, or start the conversation with: time ('I can't believe it's three/September/summer already'), place ('This is a cool place. What do you think?'), current events, future events, things you have in common (you have to have something in common, otherwise you wouldn't have met). Also, if he's wearing anything that has an inscription, you can ask about that.

    Okay, I'm starting to wonder if this is what you were asking about... I got a bit carried away. Anyway, hope it helps! :slight_smile:
     
  6. Rexmond

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    That's some good advice damn liar! I tend to do most of these things when talking with my crush, and our conversations flow so well. It was I who was the shy one (and frankly still am) yet it has become so much easier to have a discussion, and because we share similar hobbies or interests, there's always a topic at hand to discuss. Since he's a lot older than I am, I tend to ask him a lot about his life and like the above poster said, people love to talk about themselves (not in a self-centered way!) and so we can have a good time just by talking about things that he's done. Having a conversation is definitely a two-person job, you have to listen and show that you care.

    What does your crush do outside of classes? Maybe you could find something that you've got into common. Or, if like you said, he purposely distances himself away from the rest of you, perhaps find out why?
     
  7. Shyguy5

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    Thanks for everyone's advice.

    The hard thing about the whole situation is that I'm shy...well not as I use to be when the semester started. When I'm around him, I go back to being my really shy self. I hope i can get better aquatinted with him... first, I plan on sitting next to him in class but he comes in late. He sits alone since comes in late so my only option is to go and sit next to him while my instructor is getting stuff ready.

    I had an opportunity to do so on Friday but I was afraid that I would've invaded his personal space. I'm shy but I don't mind if someone is being friendly and sits next to me. However, I don't know what kind of shy person he is. How would you introverts/shy people react if you were in my crush's position and I sat next to you?
     
  8. GreyMason

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    Well i would react like this i wouldn't say anything. i would still be quite and just act like nothing happened and avoid eye contact and talking to them. Well that's just what i do when feel uncomfortable during an environment.
     
  9. Hefiel

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    In my case there'd be 2 possible thing that could happen if someone were to chance seat to be next to me when he was already seated.

    1. No reaction. I'd pay no attention to you so long as you don't try to start a conversation.
    2. I'd question your motives, assuming that you most likely moved to an available seat because you were either uncomfortable in your previous seat, or there were annoying people around you, but still pay no attention to you beyond that point.

    It's not unusual for students to move around so there's really no need to asses the reasoning behind it beyond for the purpose of satisfying my curiosity or assessing potential problematic students. There's also no reason to interact with you because there is no established relationship nor, from an introvert's perspective, any reason to seek it.

    We're all pretty different even though we're introverts, so don't take my case as a one suit fits all. Just don't try to force yourself into his world. Take it slowly basically.
     
  10. Shyguy5

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    @GreyMason and @Hefiel, thanks.

    Actually, I wasn't thinking of just randomly getting up and moving sits but rather start a conversation from my first sit. We usually sit be ourselves and near each other. I was thinking of asking him about doing our monologues and then asking if I could sit next to him. We both don't talk loud (I'm soft spoken while he's just not talkative). From there, I could start getting to know him.

    In class, I'm shy but really friendly (I can smile and say hi but can't really start small talk). My crush is nice but doesn't go out of his way to talk to others. We've chatted a few times (he started the first time while I started the rest afterwards) so I hope I'm not a complete stranger... He's really cute :icon_redf lol I thought I add that
     
  11. Zerfs

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  12. Thursby

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    What works for me is finding common ground and "breaking the ice". Often, the most difficult part of getting to know someone is initializing the first conversation. Once you are able to develop talking terms with him, everything will go more smoothly. Try finding a topic that you are both familiar with. This way there is an equal amount of exchange between you and there isn't that awkward silence when you're trying desperately to think of something to say lol.

    Good luck! (edit: just realized how old this thread is hehehe)
     
    #12 Thursby, Oct 26, 2013
    Last edited: Oct 26, 2013
  13. gibson234

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    Good advice otherwise. But don't mention his shyness I'm shy and if someone mentions it to me I get self conscience.
     
  14. Keepitdiscrete

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    I just bless people with my presence until they talk to me. It starts off with them making awkward comments that I (unfortunately) give dry, regretful answers to. (If they don't do the awkward comment thing, I eventually would) After a few flops, my brain kicks on and i realize they want to talk to me. It just grows from there. Smile, laugh, eye contact. These are essential if you're gunna give dry comments in the beginning...