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How do I talk to him?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by BudderMC, Apr 14, 2013.

  1. BudderMC

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    I've thought through most of this and can't come up with an answer, so I'm asking in hopes someone will have an idea.

    There's this guy. I met him very briefly a couple of weeks ago, since we'll be working on Welcome Week together. He's cute, has similar interests as me, and I (and my friends who know him) are pretty convinced he's gay. Regardless, I think he'd be a fun friend to have.

    Building a friendship involves getting to know him, right? I've been messaging him occasionally on Facebook so far, but it feels awkward (to me at least). I think it's because I'm initiating conversation with the intention of getting to know him, so the whole "making a friendship" thing feels really... calculated.

    I don't usually like talking to people over electronics; I'd much rather send a text and chill with them in person. But I don't really know him well enough to be like "s'up, wanna grab a coffee?" either. Over our conversation I mentioned that I volunteer with LGBT stuff, so I'd assume he knows that I'm gay now, which also means asking him to hang out might come off like a date. Not that I wouldn't want that, but that's coming off a little bit strong.

    What do? :help:
     
  2. riahf

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    I know how you feel, I always over analyze facebook chats, because I always think I'm coming off weird over text. I'd say just go for it and ask him to hang out. That's the easiest way to build a friendship, maybe if you're afraid it'll come of as a date invite another friend or a group of friends along so it cans seem like a group outing.

    Hope that helps!
     
  3. stumble along

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    Yeah I know that feeling of calculated friendship, it makes me feel sociopathic :/
    But I mean it should be normal, you find them I.teresting so you want to be friends, don't see any harm in that. Except for the fact that you know ahead of time what the goal is instead of it happening randomly.

    As for getting to know him better use whatever method is best for you, and try to find out his medium so you guys can communicate better. Obviously yours is in person so definitely go that route and if hes apprehensive just clarify its just how you get to know people the best.
     
  4. LD579

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    I think you're worrying too much. There's no problem with that (comes with the territory) but you may want some reassurance (from me, for example) that you need not think this over too much.

    Ask him if he wants to hang out, if you like. It doesn't have to seem like or mean anything. You have an interest in him as a person and friend, and you're open to the idea of dating him. Either way, you'd have to talk to him / spend more time with him for either to really happen.

    Be nonchalant and all. "Hey, are you free this xyz? Maybe we could go abc (like in Hawaii, 'cause those stores are everywhere =p )."

    Not to be insensitive or anything, but whatever he interprets from your totally innocent question / offer is his own business, and is about himself and his potential hang-ups.

    Hopefully this helped a bit. I'm sure you just needed some reassurance and such.
     
  5. greatwhale

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    About the calculated part, a little story:

    When I was 11, I moved with my family to a neighbourhood in a small city in Mexico. We knew no one but I knew that we were noticed by a group of kids in the area.

    One evening, they were playing soccer outside and the ball went over the fence and into our driveway. I went out to toss it back to them and returned inside. A few minutes later the ball was in the driveway again. My mother knew right away what was going on, she figured the kids wanted to get to know us. She got my sister and I to go outside and we were greeted warmly, two Canadian kids that they wanted to know more about.

    Calculated? Definitely, but it was done in such a charming way, it didn't matter :slight_smile:
     
  6. BudderMC

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    Hmm, thanks everyone. I'm trying to keep convo casual, but I'm leaning towards just asking him if he wants to get together sometime. I told him I'd be busy the next couple of days with exams anyways, so it's a good prompt to catch up (at least over Facebook).

    I think you said this far better than I could have ever said it. :lol: