Does it mean anything if he Looks at me?

Did you consider that he denied being gay because...wait for it...he's not gay?

I think you need to get over this.

 

You're clutching at straws.

 

i think you need to accept that hes not gay. If he's in the closet, well then he's in the closet, and therefore not gay to everyone he's not out to, including you. You gotta get control of your feelings man. Unless he starts initiating contact with you, just try to forget him. You will only be doing a disservice to yourself.

---------- Post added 15th Apr 2013 at 01:56 PM ----------

grasping at straws - to depend on something that is useless; to make a futile attempt at something.

 

clutching at straws means youre trying to hold on to any kind of hope/sign for something you want to happen. if that makes sense. ive seen your posts and held back, but i reeeeally think you can admire him from afar of course but you seem to be so wrapped up in him its a little unhealthy now. yes you are crushing on him, but you shouldnt be so wrapped up in him and thinking 'is he gay'. talk to him, ask to hang out.

you might think the world of him now but someone who may be a little more attainable will come along some day you know and youll think why was i so hung up on him.

find someone your own age and every thought of that guy will probably go away.

that is if its the same boy in your previous posts.

youve kind of exhausted all our avenues now... kinda... you know? theres only so much advice someone can give before people start saying the same thing over and over. we have given you a lot of advice on what to do so the only way you can really know is to talk to him. its really not that hard once you get past the inital hello. you know?

you can only ask for so much advice and if you dont take any of it on board thats fine but why ask for more advice if youre not going to listen just a little. i dont mean to be harsh, sorry. i think you know the answer really about this guy and you might just be using us as a sounding board and thats fine, but the only way you can know anything about this guy is if you talk to him.

 

There are a million reasons he might be staring at you, it could be longing or it could be fear... but given his age it's very likely that he's REALLY confused right now and doesn't know what to think or how to react.

Knowing that you like him could have him in a complete whirlwind and state of confusion. At 11/12 he may have never had reason to think about or question his sexuality before. I think you'll have to give him at least a week before you can even begin to think about what his actions and reactions might mean.

Give him some time and some space, but don't completely ignore him. Smile politely when you see him, but keep going about your business. It's a confusing age you all are at, no one is really sure of who they are yet and pressuring someone to hurry up and figure it out can cause them to shut down or lash out.

I know you want to know NOW, but try to stay calm and give him some time to work through it.

(*hug*)

 

you aren't being rude at all.

Very likely that if you dont become best friends with him during this crushing period that you will forget about him and drop your feelings in 3 years time at least, time and distance helps break off feelings like nobodies business. I was crushing on 2 guys in early highschool and now i see them and go "what was i thinking"

like previous posters have said, grasping at straws, and seeing things that aren't there, we have been there before and we are just trying to help you get over this in a faster and less painful way.

If i was him and i saw this, i would run for the hills, this is a big no no and definitely a sign that you need to step off.
you don't even know the guy, you're in love with whatever situations you have conjured up in your head, not him in actuality
Now if you say have been hanging out and talking to him on a nearly daily basis and have been texting him and all that for over 6 months, then saying I love him is definitely valid, but this....no

everyone is saying virtually the same thing, just in different tones



and as for the actual looking, first example is most likely because of the previous situation, I usually look at people I recognize and sometimes say hi or nod, then again i also just look around everywhere so it could be that too.

second example was because of the ruckus

 

No, I really don't think you should tell him. Two reasons.

1. Like I said before, he needs time to process. Your friend already spilled the beans, so give that some time to sink in for him.

2. You don't actually know him. Now what I'm about to say might make you mad, but I think you need to hear it and I wish someone had if told me when I was young... So I'm telling you. You what you feel for this boy? It isn't him that you're feeling it for, it's the idea and image of him in your head that you're in love with. In order to love a person you have to actually know them really well. The person you love is an imaginary version of him that exists only in your mind.

I'm not saying your crazy, everyone does this from time to time. And your feelings, those are real. The problem is the person you're feeling them for? He isn't real. That guy isn't the person you're imagining him to be. He may be amazing and completely worthy of that love... or he may be a complete asshole, or boring, or... Well anything. But until you actually get to know the REAL human being, you can't really know how you feel about him.

 

Have you thought about why you feel like you need to tell him? What do you think will happen when you do? How do you think it will change things? How will it make you feel better?

P.S. regardless of whether you tell him or not please go back and read the 2. section of my last post and think about it.

 

well if you're going to do it then dont go I Love You

if you want ANY chance with this kid you're going to have to be smooth

"Hey i think you're attractive and I was wondering if you would like (dont say love, avoid love at all cost) to hang out sometime and get to know each other"

be smooth

and check out my last post and Fememe's because we are literally saying the same exact thing

 

The issue here is less the feelings you have for him and rather more the fact that he may have no feelings for you. Or no positive feelings anyway. You've already said you barely interact with him at all and that one of your friends told him you like him and that you're a couple years older than him. And you have no idea whether he's even gay or not. Ok, let's put the shoe on the other foot:

How would you feel if a girl in your neighborhood who was a couple years older than you suddenly started coming on to you? A 15 or 16yr old female who is suddenly telling you out of the blue that she 'loves' you even though you've never even said 'hi' to her before? How would that make you feel? Because that's what you're proposing to do to this guy.

And what exactly do you expect to happen after you tell him this anyway? What if he really doesn't like it and tells his parents and they then talk to your parents? How out are you? Do you want to be out more, because that's a distinct possibility here? Even if you're totally out already, declaring your love to an 11yr old is not likely to go over well at all in many quarters because the first place that most people's minds are going to go is to the idea that you want to have sex with him and most people aren't going to take that idea well.

What evidence do you have that they mean something other than wishful thinking on your part? People glance at each other for all sorts of innocent reasons all the time. Simply reacting to movement or noise is one of the most common. And if one of your friends told him that you (a near total stranger in his view) like him, he's certainly going to look at you, but not necessarily in a good way. And he probably hasn't forgotten it, especially as it sounds like you live near him or see him in school or the like.

It's already been explained to you that how someone 'looks' says nothing about their orientation (Also, you've listed various 'signs' of his possible gayness on EC and I don't think any of them have received a positive response or been said to be definitive of anything). That you come back to that would be an example of grasping at straws by the way.

Just to make this clear: No one here is saying all this stuff to you to be mean or heartless. I think I speak for everyone when I say that we would be thrilled if it turned out this guy liked you in the way you want him to and that something good could come of your liking him. But based on everything you've said so far, there honestly doesn't seem to be any real indication that this is the case (as opposed to lots of indications that you really really want this to be the case, but have no real evidence to support the idea). And we are all concerned about your well-being and happiness and are concerned that the consequences of you telling him how you feel are not going to be helpful for either of those things.

You say you love him (LOVE him!). Ok, why?

IIRC you say you've never spoken to him and don't have anything to do with him. So what about him do you love? You've been asking a lot of questions across various threads and often setting conditions around what sort of answers you want us to give. So, now I'm going to do the same to you.

Tell us 5 things you love about him. The condition is: You are not allowed to say anything about his physical appearance. To help you along, here are 5 things I love about my partner that have nothing to do with his appearance:

1) His sense of humor (it's immature and he loves awful puns, but I love it anyway -not that I'll ever admit it to HIM).

2) He's a great cook.

3) His willingness to get up 1-2x a night to let the dogs out instead of making me share the duty with him (which he would be justified in doing).

4) His generousness - he gives to lots of charities and good causes - he's much better about this than I am

5) His willingness to put up with my moodiness when I get really hungry (when the blood sugar drops I get cranky!).

etc.

Ok, your turn.


Todd

 

:eusa_clap

 

Clark, I realize how you feel. You are 13, in the storm of puberty and attracted to a boy (Which I commend you for knowing who you are at 13, it took me four more years on top of that to figure myself out) and saying you love him. Thing is, you don't. You think you do and you clearly have an attraction for him but that's not love, especially not at 13 when you're only just discovering what love is.

As Todd said, we're not trying to be mean or rude, we just think you're jumping the gun. I hope of course that he turns out to indeed like you, but you can't hold onto that or it will drive you insane. Just enjoy life, hang out with your friends (yes, even him) and just be you.

Whatever will be, will be.