Ok, so I'm in a pretty difficult situation. I'm abroad for the semester, and in my time here, I've acknowledged to myself that I'm bi (some of my close friends know, but that's it at the moment). One factor that finally made me come to acknowledge it to myself was the really strong attraction I had to a guy I met here and have become friends with. Good news is he's gay! The problem is that he has a boyfriend back home (they actually dated and broke up before this semester started, and then got back together while he was here). I don't understand their relationship personally - they met online and live so far away that they've spent very little time together ever, but as far as I can see this doesn't bother my friend. I've thought about telling him that I have feelings for him for a while, because I've gotten the vibe from him sometimes that he could be interested in me but thinks nothing can happen since, as far as he knows, I'm straight. On the other hand, I've been really reluctant to tell him because besides the fact that it could jeopardize our friendship, we're also roommates, so if I told him it could make a very awkward living situation, especially since we live in dorm rooms. Since we leave in less than a week, I've been debating whether I should tell him at the end. I've been so fixated on him this semester, and I think being honest about my feelings might be the best way of getting closure and moving past this if it's not meant to work (at least not right now). I think/hope that at this point, we have a strong enough platonic friendship that he wouldn't freak out too much and would still want to maintain our friendship when we go back to our respective homes (we live a few hours away, so seeing each other would be entirely possible). On the other hand, if he did freak out, then I guess that would be a sign that things wouldn't have worked out anyway, and it's just as well, cause I'd probably never accidentally bump into him if things went bad between us. I'm just not sure whether it's a good idea or not, and if it is, how would I go about doing it? Does anyone have any thoughts/past similar experiences? Thanks!
Well there have definitely been physical cues (unless I'm reading into things too much). For example, just today, we had to hold hands for a class exercise (we're in a theatre program), and at the end when the instructor told us to let go there was a lingering moment where neither of us let go, and then when we did, it was very slow, and I don't think that was just my reluctance to let go. There have been several instances where we've brushed hands or our hands have landed slightly touching and neither one of us has immediately moved away. And the eye contact. We've had so many moments that I've lost count where we've been talking about something or just in the room together and we'll make eye contact, and there's just a sense of emotional connection I get from it. Also the way we get on with each other is very playful, and often feels flirtatious at times. I know this sounds like not much to go off on, and I may very well be reading into things too much, but I do definitely get a sense of intimacy from being around him that I don't think is just on my end, even if it's just minor feelings on his end - I don't expect him to leave his boyfriend for me. ---------- Post added 17th Apr 2013 at 12:51 AM ---------- Of course, on the other hand, he thinks I'm straight, so obviously he feels like he can't do or say anything too obvious for fear of making our living situation awkward. ---------- Post added 17th Apr 2013 at 12:55 AM ---------- Part of me just really wants to know how he feels about me, because otherwise I know I'm just going to wonder for a long time after I go home and it's gonna make it harder for me to think about anything or anyone else (Sorry for the multiple posts!).
Well... It may be best to get some sort of closure for yourself. Do you think it's worth potentially risking a friendship for some closure? There's no right answer. It's whatever you think would be right and best for you. I don't think he'd mind... But he may be surprised, for sure. Be prepared to be turned down, and be prepared to move on to other people. It sounds harsh and definitive, perhaps, but those are things you should be prepared to expect if you do go through with telling him. The other alternative is that you don't tell him, and that you perhaps get over him as time goes on. This could be a viable option for you, as well.
I think its worth having a heart to heart with him. Get together for coffee or whatever. You can thank him for his friendship, that you'll miss him once you're both back home. And you can say (truthfully) - that you'd like nothing more than to have a boyfriend just like him someday. That's not too terribly awkward, and who knows when your paths might cross again!
Opportunities for friendship are plentiful. Opportunities for romance are rare. I say take the chance - if he's a friend you'd want to keep, he'd let you down easy anyways and would probably be flattered.
I also agree that you should risk telling him how you feel. You at least need to tell him that you are not totally straight but bi. Tell him that you have loved sharing the room with him and that you have found him a special person. Good luck
Thanks for the advice everyone, that really helps a lot! I'm just not sure how to bring it up - cause that's not exactly something you say out of the blue, you know?
Hey (name) -- I'm leaving in a couple days, can we get together for a good by soda this afternoon? Him - Sure .......later in the day You've been a good friend while we've known each other. IDK when or if we'll see eachother again, so I really want to thank you for your friendship. (you take a deep breath) I want to tell you that I'm gay. (take another deep breath) And now that I know you, you're the kind of guy I'd like to have as a boyfriend someday. and then let him talk.... by the way - don't over think this. be yourself. know what you want to tell him (thank him for his friendship, you're gay, that you like him). it'll flow. you won't have the chance again to see him in person.... TAKE THIS CHANCE! You can do it, you really can.
