Okay, so this might be a little long, but bear with me! There's this girl I'm really, really into; let's call her N just because. Well, N and I met about a year ago through a friend (let's call her K), and she's one of those girls that people don't generally like because of superficial reasons, so at first I was a little hesitant to be her friend, especially since she's three years older than me. But eventually we became super close and she's one of my best friends. However, I didn't notice I was beginning to have feelings for her until she introduced her (now ex) girlfriend, and I felt incredibly upset and cried for nearly two hours. This was when I wasn't sure of my sexuality and I was really, really scared since I had no idea what I was going to do about it. I really like how she's confident and friendly to everyone she meets; despite my mom not liking her, N is still respectful, she says because elders deserve it no matter what their opinion of her is. It's such a rare thing to me to hear someone say that, and that's probably what first made me actually crush on her. She has a few piercings and (incredible) tattoos here and there, but they're not too showy, if that makes sense. Basically, N is exactly my type and I'm just...so into her. N being clingy and cuddly wherever we're near each other didn't help, so I had no way of trying to get over her. But I didn't mind, so I pretty much gave in since I love cuddling and being hugged. N didn't mind either (she says I'm the perfect cuddle pillow...), but I could tell she was just being friendly and she does it to all of her friends so I didn't want to make myself feel special only to just be jealous in the end. But I couldn't/can't help but feel so wanted when she pulls me in and hugs me when we watch movies or play video games, even when we're out with our friends sometimes. K likes to make jokes about us dating since we're always somehow stuck to each other. It made me fall even harder when I thought about it. Which kicked me in the butt when she got into a sexual, non-romantc relationship with a guy. K told me to try and push it aside and not get too caught up in my feelings, since I'd just get hurt in the end and possibly ruin our, as she said, "perfectly weird" friendship. I understand I will, but I just can't help it. I want to tell her just how much she means to me, but I don't want to risk ending our friendship. I feel if she does know that I'm basically in love with her, she might just play me for sex and dump me later; she's done it to so many people I can't even count, and I don't want that to happen to me. I'm just so stuck and lost about what I should do! Do I risk it and just tell her how I feel, or "wait for it to go away"? I don't even know if she feels anything other than friendship for me, since she sends so many different signals! Either way I know nothing is going to happen between us, but I can't help wanting to be with her...it hurts knowing all these other people are getting a chance while I'm only able to watch. I know it's not her fault, and I'm not going to blame her since I placed myself in this position. There's literally no way I can just...turn around and pretend like my feelings aren't there; I've tried and I ended up so depressed and alone I couldn't do it. I'm so lost. Sorry this was so long...I just needed to get something that's been on my chest for months, off. :icon_sad:
I'd say no, given her history with relationships, I don't think things would work out. You will probably end up getting hurt. I know it's hard being friends with someone that you like, so perhaps putting distance between you two will help. I'm not saying stop speaking to her, but don't make yourself readily available. Stop the cuddling and try to set boundaries and make sure they're known. I know she's probably hard to resist, believe me, I would know. I was in love with my friend, however, we no longer speak and I'm okay with that. It took me a while to accept that I would never be with her in that way. And I will probably always love her, but she was no good for me, especially given her history with relationships. I know it's not easy, but just take things one day at a time (*hug*)
(*hug*) Thanks. I'll definitely try to do that and I feel I'll eventually be able to get over her if I set those boundaries you mentioned. It will be hard, but I want to avoid making it awkward...is it possible to do that?
