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Why is my 29 year old friend not out to his parents/family?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by lwp08reh, Apr 20, 2013.

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  1. lwp08reh

    lwp08reh
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    Hello everyone

    I just wanted your opinions on my friend who is 29 and has been out to his friends for at least 8 years. He embraces his gay identity and surrounds himself with mainly gay friends yet inexplicably he is not out to his parents or younger siblings. Whenever I have tried to discuss the subject he becomes defensive and irritated. He claims that it is not an issue for him right now and that his family are not particularly close, yet he sees them at least every Christmas.

    I suppose I'm looking for an explanation as to why someone can be comfortably gay with all his friends but remain 'frozen' and 'sexually anonymous' with his parents and younger siblings. God knows what they must think, as he is nearly 30 and has never discussed his sexuality with them. If they took one glance at his facebook profile, it would be pretty obvious of his gay identity. I just cannot rationalise it in my head that he can act so differently between friends and family when he is such a jovial and fun character?
     
    #1 lwp08reh, Apr 20, 2013
  2. clarkec1

    clarkec1 Guest

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    His parents might be homophobic, he might be too scared about their reaction, he might still be on denial, he might not be able to accept himself. There are any reasons, it's all about when he's ready to tell them though.
     
    #2 clarkec1, Apr 20, 2013
  3. falsereading

    falsereading Guest

    Any number of reasons, for me there is alot of pressure to keep up the family name, have a dad with some old fashioned beliefs, a family likewise, I don't want to break my parents heart (they will be disapointed not to have grandkids) etc etc. Basically there are more things involved when it is your parents rather than your friends.
     
    #3 falsereading, Apr 20, 2013
  4. Revomantic

    Revomantic Guest

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    Like the two before me said, it can be any number of reasons. His parents could be very religious, very homophobic, he is afraid of how they will react, how his extended family will react, and so on.

    I have a friend who is 30 and still not out to his family, even though all of his friends and co-workers know, and he has a boyfriend who is also out to all but family.
     
    #4 Revomantic, Apr 22, 2013
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