So. I have a strong feeling that one of my brothers isn't straight. His twin (they are identical twins) is definitely straight... Let's call them G and D. G is the one that I feel is gay/bi. Never fail, whenever G has friends over, they are 99% of the time girls, and pretty attractive ones at that. He is in the middle of a "Love Triangle" with 3 really good looking girls, and makes no attempt to even get with any of them. His twin, D, has a ton of girls around him, and is currently dating C. G has basically had a constant love triangle going on since he was a freshman in High School (He's a sophomore in College now). I want to ask him if he's gay, but im not sure how to even approach this.... G is also pretty religious, and goes to a christian college known for its stance on homosexuality. The other thing is that I have no idea how to bring up the fact that his oldest brother is gay (me). I'm sort of afraid to tell him because of how he might react. Everyone else in the family knows, except for him. G has plenty of gay friends, but whenever one of his gay friends is over, its like he distances himself from them in a way and doesnt want to get as close to them. I'm deeply confused, as my brother G has been sending me extremely mixed messages, and Im not even sure how to approach the conversation of telling him that I am gay. (We are 1.5 years apart in age)...v Any advice would be appreciated....
Best solution I see would be to come out to your brother G like you came out to your parents (if you have, which I assume you did based on your post). Basically the classic "Mom, Dad, please sit down. I've got something to tell you." kind of thing. I don't think he'll react too badly considering he brings gay friends home. If he does react badly well, that's just the way things are. You'll have to give him time to process it and gradually accept it. Don't read too much into his mixed messages though. If he is gay, it's best to let him make the first move rather than ask him, as he might still be confused or not yet have accepted himself.
Is it possible that your brother is behaving this way because he is concerned that if he is too friendly toward his gay friends you and the rest of the family will think that he might be gay? If he doesn't know about you and therefore doesn't know your family knows (and is presumably OK, with it based on what you've written), then he might be going through concerns about how his family, including his older brother, will react. Just a thought, Todd
Thanks all for your replies! Sorry ive been away, ive just been super busy recently. With the stress of finals and stuff, I havent been able to do much with processing of information.... But, it is possible that he could be hiding it due to the way my family is... Im just not sure...
come clean with him, if he has gay friends then surely he can accept you. but considering that he actually distances himself - i doubt that he's personally gay. but if he's willing to have gay friends and even have them over, he's definitely not a homophobe so i think you're in the clear. honesty is usually the best policy.
Long time no post. So. Brother G just came out to me last night. I couldn't be a happier brother. I know I'm not on this forum much. But I wanted to post an update. I love my brother and always have. I'm now out to everyone. But now the issue is how do I help him come out to the parents... He's not ready. But I wanna be there for him so he doesn't go through the same stuff I went through
Before I got to the last post I was thinking yeah G is gay. So how did he come out to you? Did you come out to him first? What was his and your reactions to finding out about each other?
Honestly. I don't know if I ever did. It might have just been an understood thing. My reaction to him was happiness and sadness
Uh.. anyways not sure where this is at now - but i would be very loving and supportive about it. He maybe gay or bi and really nervous about it - some internalized homophobia. He probably needs help... Also the Christian thing might really psyche him out. There are a lot of resources about Christianity and homosexuality if are interested. Take care!!
Give him time, offer your support whether he is ready now or in time. If you're in a position to offer a place to stay etc. in case your parents go mad, maybe that would help.If he's struggling with the whole religious thing, maybe help him get some suitable therapy. Live your life well and show him through example that he can be happy as an out gay man. Help him develop a support network of LGBT-friendly friends, groups etc. And be prepared that when you're parents find out, they might hold you 'responsible', if they're that homophobic.
Hahah. They won't hold me responsible. Hell. He makes more money a year than I do by about $10k. But we're both successful in our fields. And he lives in dc now. Not at home. I live in Colorado nowadays. He's always welcome out here and vice versa
Well, there, right in the middle, there's that plot twist. You're gay! And then the second. You have the only family in the world that can keep a secret like that. Awesome....I think. Anyway, you've just described the perfect way to come out. You: G, I think we might have something unusual in common. G: What? You like the Boston Redsox? You: No! I'm gay. Either that, or just tell your family, "Why can't we be more like reality TV? Will you just tell him I'm gay for Christ's sake?"
Haha yeah. I'm out to everyone now. Took a hot min. But it happened. And I love being out to my brothers. It's seriously amazing.
