Hi everyone, Okay, I need to get this all out logically in order to properly explain and do my story justice. I first met the guy I am seeing about a year ago, we are both second year uni students. we were friends before we started dating, and I was really impressed with how much of an effort he made. Being a virgin, I wanted to wait and he was fine with it. He took me out a lot and treated me really well, we both get along great and I was really happy. Then after a period of not speaking over the summer holidays, he replied to an old message of mine over facebook basically saying 'its not you its me' and that we should stay friends. I was really upset but the no contact for the rest of the holidays and keeping busy with my friends and family helped me get over it. He texted me towards the end of the holidays wishing me happy birthday and saying that he wanted to chat when we were back so he could explain himself and he said he knew he'd been horrible and was sorry. He explained he had some issues of his own to work through and it wouldnt be fair on me to string me along. After we met up and decided we'd be better as friends (although I still liked him, I just wanted him to be happy and for him to be in my life at least as a friend) he soon admitted to me and our mutual gay friend that he was seeing a first year girl but that it was nothing serious. I think this also helped me to get over the relationship, I also met her and she was really nice and meeting up with him with our friend or by myself was fine and asking questions about the girl we knew that it was just sex, but then she'd started to like him more and he told us he didnt feel the same. He cheated on her by sleeping with our friend's ex (the point he admitted his bisexuality/confusion to me) but she forgave him. he let it drag on and his opportunity came when she admitted she slept with another guy. Anyway it ended badly and they dont talk anymore. so after a night out to a gay club with him and our friend in December, he kissed me and admitted he still liked me and that we would 'talk' after the holidays. Feeling confused and annoyed at myself, but also really hopeful and pleased, I met up with him for the first time after the holidays and he went on with the same old 'I'm sorry but I dont know what I want, I really like you and i dont want to hurt you'. But he decided he wanted to start seeing me again soon after (in the period before, him and my friend's ex slept with each other a second time) and we started going out and stuff like old times and staying round each others. I lost my virginity to him and it only made me feel closer and by this point I was sure I was in love. Then something horrible happened, the night of a mutual friends birthday, me him and the same old friend snuck off to go to the local gay bar as we all preferred it to the party and when I went off to the toilet they took the opportunity to kiss each other, which I walked into when I returned. Obviously angry i confronted them both and each insisted it was the others fault so from that point i just wanted to leave as i knew there was no point trying to argue when they were so drunk, and it got to the point where they were on each others faces in front of me... i took an opportunity to run away after that ( i couldnt leave before as i knew my friend would follow) and cried myself to sleep. He stayed round my friends and the next morning my friend texted me apologising and saying he just crashed, nothing else happened and he was really sorry. After speaking to my boyfriend he apologised and swore that nothing else happened too and my friend was really cold in the morning and kicked him out as he had things to do. he said it was hard to resist because the whole night even before we left he had been touching him up and coming on to him which i saw a bit of actually but because my friend is like that with everyone and I was preoccupied, I thought nothing of it. I told him he needs to talk to me properly and tell me how he's feeling and how I want to be his friend but he makes it really hard sometimes. He poured his heart out to me that night, stuff he's never told anyone before about how he could never have a boyfriend because of his parents and life is about getting married having kids etc.. it almost sounded like he was coming out and i felt sorry for him. But he has since admitted that he definitely likes women and has no trouble pointing out hot girls and guys sometimes too. Since, I have forgiven him again and met some of his family and stayed with him at home and its all been so nice. He has promised me he's going to try a lot harder. He will tell me that he loves me and always will and is so grateful for me and stuff when he's merry. We've both been busy over the break and the first time I will see him will be this weekend. A lot has been playing on my mind, namely fears that it will happen again, he won't care about me when he feels he needs to be with a man and how badly it affected my relationship with one of my best friends. But on the other hand I desperately miss him and we have so much fun together, but I just feel that it would be difficult to maintain a platonic relationship now if he decides he wants to back out as I like him so much and we always end up back to square one somehow; but i couldnt do a casual relationship, it has to be exclusive. I am also really worrying for the first time if the bisexuality is really a stepping stone to him coming out. He, like me, shies away from serious chats because we both like to joke around but I know I need to get this off my chest and ask him where I really stand. I know I will get hurt bad if I don't hear what I'd like, but at the same time, doing what he did last time or even taking it further would crush me. I stopped eating and sleeping and made myself ill over the kiss. It also came out at a party that he'd slept with the same friend way back last year before we started seeing each other which made me really upset as I couldnt understand why theyd both hide it from me. But my friend said he was also annoyed at him because theyd decided to keep it secret as it was a drunken mistake and rumour gets around fast here. My boyfriend had made the mistake of drunkenly telling his flatmate a while ago who was the one who outed them at the party. He says he doesn't like boys more than just casual and apparently he has a preference for girls So, any help or advice, especially from bisexual men or women who have been in a similar situation to myself would be amazing. I don't know where else to turn for advice because I don't want to end it but I can't imagine him not being in my life. And noone else fully understands, I stopped talking to my friends about him after we started seeing each other after the kiss, as they really disapproved although they ask me about him now. Everyone says he's a really good guy and personally I cant understand why he would keep coming back and telling me he really likes me instead of just leaving me alone or messing around with boys/girls for a while. It's just affected important relationships I have with people and made me question myself so much :icon_sad: xx
