Family talks about sexuality

Hey all,
I just wanted to make a thread for anyone who wants to rant and rave or sing from the hills in joy about family talks they've had about their sexuality.

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For me at the moment I feel very frustrated... you see I come from a family of deep thinkers. The only person I've told is my dad, and out of all my family he is the person I trust the most... in fact he is the person I trust most in the whole world!
But alas, he is also the deepest thinker in my family... and considering my past (my mother is mentally ill, and due to this and her strict religious anti-LGBT beliefs I've had a VERY restricted and emotionally/mentally abused upbringing), my dad keeps voicing his concerns that I'm not really bi, but am in fact simply rebelling or only admiring women in an appreciative, but not sexual kind of way.

The thing is; I'm not someone who's always known they were bi, and I'd say that generally speaking I'm more attracted (physically) to men than I am to women, though emotionally and maybe even mentally I'd probably say it's probably the opposite.

My first inkling that I had that I was attracted to women was when I must have been about 10-12, when my mum became friends with this other parent at my school. The first time we met her, I didn't feel any desire or anything, but I couldn't shake this feeling of what I guess could be considered awe. Or maybe it was something else... I'm not really sure, I just knew that for whatever reason I couldn't stop looking at her in fascination!
After that, whenever we happened to see her I'd start to get a tingling excitement and even though I was a bit too young to understand it at the time, lust.

As soon as I started to realize that what I was feeling was "evil" under my mother's religious beliefs, I quickly squashed any and all feelings I had for her so far down that I wouldn't let myself consciously feel anything even remotely akin to interest.
After that I didn't really feel any attraction to any other girls/women, and if/when I did it was quickly squashed into nothing, and barely registered as interest.

It wasn't until about 3 years ago, when I had moved away from my mother's influence (and moved in with my dad) and started to heal from all of the abuse and mental brainwashing that she had done to me, that I started to notice my attraction to women. I had started doing a course at college, where for the first time in my life I met a gay guy, lesbian, and bisexual girl (who just happened to all be friends). In all ways they were completely different to me; in the way they dressed, talked, acted, and obviously in their sexuality's... but they were everything that growing up I had literally fantasized about being!
Aside from the gay guy, I didn't really have anything to do with the other 2 (as they didn't have very pleasant personalities), but slowly my world started to open and I started to adopt their way of life; first with my clothes, then my music choices, and so on... up until I realized another 2 years later that I was seriously attracted to one of my friends in a different class I was doing. - I was still in a lot of heavy denial, but I think it was at the moment when I accidently flirted with her, that everything really started hitting me that maybe I wasn't as straight as I thought I was.

It took another year of some serious :bang: (the denial vs. how I truly felt), but it wasn't until a little over a week ago that after reading an interview where Zachary Quinto was talking about how he came out, that it sort of HIT ME! - I can't remember the exact wording, but he said that coming out of the closet to make other people happy was wrong, but to come out because it was right for yourself was RIGHT! And so long as you weren't lying to yourself, you'd always be HAPPY no matter what anyone else thought! :icon_bigg And just like that out of nowhere I KNEW!

So now whenever I try talking to my dad about any of this, he just starts over thinking, interrupting, and listening but never really hearing what it is I'm trying to say! - It's hard enough trying to come to terms with all of this (because even though I now fully accept myself, I've lived so long with the denial that it still often tries to rear it's ugly head!), and figure out who I am as a person.
I feel like I need to talk about this with someone, but my dad isn't really there for me emotionally speaking (even though he says that he's completely supportive! ), and my best friend (the only other person I feel I would be able to talk to about this), is so busy lately that I'm lucky if I get to see her once a week, or sometimes even once a month... and I don't want to come out to her over the phone or through text, as this is too important!!!

I really wish I had someone that I know who I trusted enough to talk about all of this to, but at the moment that doesn't really seem to be the case! *sighs*
But that's why I joined on here , and I'm soooo glad that I did, as everyone seems to be really friendly and supportive! (&&&)

 

Thanks, a counselor is a really good idea!

Actually not long after I posted this, my dad came home from work and we had another brief chat about it... and he genuinely doesn't care whether I'm LGBT or straight, so long as I'm happy!
He still wasn't listening to much of what I was saying (which is probably why it was only a brief chat), but that's just his way of processing the serious stuff. - He goes into "over-think mode" and tries to think out every possible angle, which means he's so busy doing that that he really isn't able to listen to what you're saying.

Thanks again, this really was helpful!