Me and my ex fiancee dated about a year and we told each other lies were out of the question he recently told me that alot of what he said to me was a lie but he still loved me. At that point i told him we were done. Two days ago he gave me aletter telling me everything that he had lied about. Everything fr being raped to his parents. I really apprecisted the fact that he did that. What i dont know is if i should get back together with him. I still love h and i dont know if i can trust what he says. And i can promise sex was not a factor in the engagement because we r waiting until we are legally married. What do i do. I have spent the time between him giving me the letter until now trying to figure this out.
If he lies often, and about serious issues (rape?, really??) then you have to ask yourself...will you ever trust him about anything? If the answer is no, then you have you answer as to whether you should get back with him or not.
He may really love you and just have some emotional trauma issues. It's up to you if you want to A) take the risk to find out, and B) work through those issues with him.
i kinda agree with lull23 if this guy can say he loves you and at the same time lie about serious issues then you really need to see if there is a future there or not... he seems to be dramatic in my opinion and likes to have the sympathy vote so people can feel remorse or something along those lines... marriage is really big too do you really wanna enter a marriage with some one who's lied about their parents? rape etc.... you can take him back if you really love him but hold off the marriage until your 110% sure that he will stop telling you these lies
Welcome to EC! I'd say the smart thing is to take a break. Say you want time to mull this all over and decide what you want to do. Then cut contact - no e-mail, no phone calls, nothing. Give yourself a couple weeks to think about everything. And yes, given that he's lied a lot before, everything in the letter could potentially be a lie as well. Lex
Much has been said, so I'll add just a bit more to it all. Essentially, your relationship with this guy has been built with lies. The home may have been happy, but it was built with straw, not bricks, though you'd thought it was bricks. If you do decide to give him another chance, he has to really prove, somehow, that the next house really is made out of bricks. He'll have to put in extra effort, and even then, it may not be enough because of the dishonesty. If you decide to give him a chance, your next relationship with him will have to be different. Your behaviour wouldn't need to change, but his lies and lack of sincerity will have to.
Hm. When you say that he lied, what form did the lies take? Meaning that (for example) when he lied about being raped do you mean that he said he was when he wasn't or said he wasn't when he was? When he lied about his parents, was it to make them (or his relationship with them) look better than it is/was or worse? Basically it's the difference between someone lying to hide something that they find terribly painful/embarrassing and lying to make themselves look better than they really are. The former is much easier to excuse/forgive IMHO than the latter. Regardless, I would suggest that, even if you decide to get back together with him, that you take it very slow and carefully, up to and including putting any marriage plans on hold for least a year or two (people can be engaged for ages) and also demanding the means to verify the 'truths' that he is now telling you. Meaning being able to talk to others to corroborate his story and such. Ok, so they could be lying for him too, but with a bit of digging you should be able to get beyond this to some truth or at least start seeing inconsistencies (if there are any). Unless you are the heir to a vast fortune or something it would seem a rather involved plot to set up a bunch of people to lie to you just to have a relationship with you. My 2c worth, Todd
