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Have Feelings for my roommate who has a gf. Made poor decisions this weekend...maybe

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by rspbc89, Apr 23, 2013.

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  1. rspbc89

    rspbc89
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    So I'll start but saying I'm in my early 20's and live with four college roommates. One of my roommates is a couple of years younger than me and one of my good friends. Without getting into too much detail of how, I'll tell you that i know for a fact that he has an interest in men to some extent. Bi, curious, whatever...

    Anyways, he has a girlfriend and has for a while now. Really kind of sucks but I try and deal with it. That is, typically until I drink and make irrational decisions. I am not out as bi to anyone. This weekend, as is typical, my jealous side kicked in. Friday night I was looking forward to seeing him at some point and he we talked throughout the night. I knew he was with her, and then we ended up not seeing each other. It is what it is but i was definitely jealous. I get over it by the next day but a little piece hangs around. We spent much of the next night hanging out with a large group of friends. I had a great time but I guess as I drank I just kept thinking more and my mood got worse. Anyways we left our friends apartment at different times to return back and I didn't even speak to him. Just went straight to my room.

    About a half hour later, at like 330 in the morning for some reason I emailed him, since it was wayyy too long to text, and I couldn't bring myself to say it in person, telling him how I feel about him, and his gf etc. Seeing as 1) I'm out to no one, 2) i have no idea what he feels about me or men or whatever and 3) he has a steady gf, this could have ruined one of my best friendships if he's not receptive. Now it gets even better, or worse i guess.

    We talk Sunday, I assume he read the email, he always reads them, but I don't mention anything and neither does he. I couldn't decided if I was happy getting the hardest

    ---------- Post added 23rd Apr 2013 at 09:08 AM ----------

    Accidentally submitted before I was done!!! Here is the rest

    I couldn't decide if I was happy getting it off my chest or upset that it could now cause issues. So Monday on my way to work I texted him at 7 AM just saying that i hope it didnt cause any awkwardnesss, first and foremost he's one of my best friends, and asking that he tell no one. He was asleep, which I knew. Being the IDIOT i am though I forgot his gf was over. The next message I get, a while later is from her on his phone. She asked a completely unrelated question but unless he deleted the message somehow she would have seen it. It mentioned the email and her so I would bet a lot she went through his email (she has apparently before, or so I've heard) and I know she knows his comp pw.

    So now what do i do???? Ask him if she knows? I don't want to berate him and cause problems. If she knows though, then I should prob stop being so cold to her :slight_smile:. Really all I want is to be with this guy. I've kinda hated the fact that I'm bi, prob honestly leaning more towards men, for a long time. He's the first guy thats made me literally not even care, and actually be happy.

    As a side note as well, these feelings aren't out of nowhere. Yeah, he's great and all but he also has given me reason to believe he has some sort of feelings for me. Maybe just wishful thinking idk.
     
    #1 rspbc89, Apr 23, 2013
  2. Dalmatian

    Dalmatian
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    Re: Have Feelings for my roommate who has a gf. Made poor decisions this weekend...m

    If I'm getting it right, you are not sure that he's read the email, right? Or that she knows anything, since possibly the only thing she knows is that you texted him saying you'd sent an email.

    Also, you didn't say much about the contents. You said that you like him, how? Like drunken "I love you man" or "I couldn't say this sober, but it has been killing me... [and on to unmistakable coming out]"? What did you say about her? Was it something like "I feel strangely bothered seeing you with girls" or was it more "I hate that bi*ch who has you all for herself"? :slight_smile: What I'm trying to say is that a lot depends on the content, tone, circumstances..

    The least you should do, I guess, is be sure that he's read the email. You can directly ask him, since there's nothing a question would imply that the email didn't state explicitly, right? And if/when he says he's read it, ask him what he thinks about that.

    However, I'd suggest caution. Even if he were bi and interested in you, he's currently with the girl. Getting aggressively in the middle of that wouldn't be nice at all, nor friendly. He's chosen to be with her for the moment and that's so no matter his sexuality. It is one thing to wonder about his orientation, to talk to him about it, even to tell him what you feel for him. To expect something from him at this moment could be too much.
     
    #2 Dalmatian, Apr 23, 2013
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