I am a long time reader, EC was a great resource for me when I came out.. oh wow, 4 years ago now. I just got such shocking news and my mind is spinning that I needed somewhere to get advice. After a lengthy phone call with my dad, with whom I never discuss my personal life or sexuality (though I have been out to all family and friends for a long time), I told him I was frustrated because I relocated for school to a middle of no where conservative area and that it is hard for me to find what I am looking for because I am gay. He then paused and I could hear him take a shot and then said, he didn't want to do this over the phone but I am too far away, and that he was like me. I asked what do you mean? He replied do you need me to say it? Oh...... he is like me. Then in some kind of pep-talk, I guess, he told me about his first secret lover who he drifted away from after high school and then ten years later found out that he had died of aids. He said he never meant for a wife and kids. We don't talk very often, and when we do never anything personal about love, sex, etc. and he spills this?? I was calm and finished the conversation.. I didn't really even know what to say. I am in shock, quite uncomfortable, and genuinely sad. He said well now you know more about me than anyone else and he would share more later. I could tell he really has some stuff bottled up, but it is just too strange considering we do not have a strong relationship. My whole family is very private. I just don't know what to do or how to react. Has this ever happened to anyone??
dude thats so cool your old man opened up to ya depsite that you guys have private lives etc... i think this is something special that you are your dad will bond over.... and rekindle the relationship between father and son... only concern here is, are your parents still together? coz this will be hard for your dad if they still are and your mom needs suppourt too etc... and to answer your question this never happened to me
my parents have been separated for a few years, but I am fully certain he is not going to be a late in life coming out kind of person so she will never know.. and it makes me uncomfortable to know that we will both take this to our graves. I feel like I would rather have not known as my mind is easily burdened and I have a lot to concentrate on right now.. and that makes me feel guilty which is burdening me even more.
you cant tell your dad that? something like i appreciate you telling me but ive alot on at the moment so can we discuss it later? i just think that your dad has opened up to ya... guess im kinda in the same boat as your dad (i wont go into it as i dont wanna high jack your thread) think he just needs to know that your understand and accept it? you dont have to physically do anything. as long as he knows that his son has his back on this one he would be happy... i dont know maybe i could be bias coz thats what i would want... hope someone else can answer this for ya man
He just made a huge step! You never know, this might be the beginning for him. In fact I suggest you treat it exactly like that. Think about how terrified he must be to have lived life the way he has. He opened up a tiny bit and you should be proud of him. We all have a point in life where we flip roles and be come role models and guides for our parents. It sounds like you just hit your's.
I know that his coming out has made you uncomfortable, but it sounds like it took a lot for your dad to open up to you and be honest. I'm in a situation where I'm pretty sure my father is gay, but he won't come out to me. I came out to him about a year ago, but he didn't open up to me at all. I'm fine with it, but it's just weird cause it's like an unspoken secret we both know.. Do you think you would ever be more willing to talk to your dad about it?
His sexuality seems like a strong reason why he would be distant in the first place. Now that he's opened up, there's a possibility that your relationship could be different. When you say you never talk about this stuff.. well, here it is In regards to "feeling uncomfortable".. I guess that's what usually parents feel about our sexuality. It is a shock, true, and it will take some time to process. But in the end, don't let yourself think that you would rather not know. We've all heard that at some point and we didn't like it, right? He told you something very private and very well kept a secret for at least your whole life. Take your time to digest this, but be there for him. Remember, once we become adults, our parents stop being parents and become good old friends (hopefully). At 22 you are at a verge, but good enough. Be a friend to him, that's ok; you are not the kid whose diapers he changed anymore
