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General update I suppose, or just something I'm wondering really.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by CandyZombies, Apr 24, 2013.

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  1. CandyZombies

    CandyZombies
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    In my last post I wondered if it was a good idea to confess an infatuation I have for my best friend through a text/Facebook message. Just to simply get this off my chest, I don't want to ruin anything between us cause she is /really/ special to me. Well I got the advice saying I should just do it basically, and I some what had the courage to do so last week. However, I never went through with it. Going to her Facebook profile to leave her the message I was reminded that she is in a relationship. How could I forget this? She /never/ talks about her boyfriend, its like she doesn't have one in my book. So I put off telling her because of this fact; I was basically wondering if its okay to tell her still? She's in a relationship and I don't wanna step on any toes, and again, I don't wanna ruin anything. I'm not sure if I'll go through with it now, I kinda lost my courage but I would like to hear whatever advice you peeps have.

    Thank you all for any advice I may recieve, I've just never liked anyone before so I'm clueless.
     
    #1 CandyZombies, Apr 24, 2013
  2. jazzhands

    jazzhands
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    That's a tough one, because you want to give it a shot without ruining anything. I had a crush on my best friend when I was just starting to realize I was gay. (I think that's pretty common.) In my case, she seemed to be largely straight and I never told her. Then I ended up finding someone else - who was actually lesbian. Have you talked to her much about her boyfriend? It might give you a better idea of whether or not she's serious about him/men in general.
     
    #2 jazzhands, Apr 24, 2013
  3. BudderMC

    BudderMC
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    I don't recall your old post, so forgive me for that.

    I would say that if you are planning on telling her, you do so in person. It's much easier to read people's body language in person and for less information (non-verbal information) to get lost in translation. By telling her in person, you can emphasize that you're being serious about whatever it is you're saying with little confusion. It also allows you two to discuss it in real time. Not to mention, sending a message leaves you anxious for a reply, and there's a whole slew of problems that could go with that.

    Additionally, I would only tell her if you're doing so to help yourself get over her. Regardless whether she is really forward about it or not, she is in a relationship and you need to respect that. If you have some hidden hope that she's going to be more interested in you than her boyfriend, you should probably snuff that idea right now - it'll save you a lot more hurt in the long run.

    You say she's a really special friend to you and she's in a relationship. Being the type of person I am, I wouldn't take the step of telling her unless I couldn't manage to move past this any other way. I like to make pro/con (or risk/reward) lists in situations like these and I usually act pretty cautiously, which for me means that it's very rarely worth it.

    All that said, I did end up telling my best friend that I was crushing on him, but that was after quite a long (~ 2 years) period of time and only because an appropriate opportunity presented itself.
     
    #3 BudderMC, Apr 24, 2013
  4. GayAndHappylol

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    No,you should tell her in person,so you can handle her feelings and she can actually see you when youre saying that you like her.It would be way too cold to say such a thing from any social website.Since she is so important to you she deserves to know it face to face doesnt she?I have a crush on my friend but i never had the courage to tell him,but that doesnt mean that i dont encourage the others to confess their feelings :slight_smile: Best luck
     
    #4 GayAndHappylol, Apr 24, 2013
  5. CandyZombies

    CandyZombies
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    Thanks to all three of you very much, I think this is all helpful and useful advice. Miss Jazzhands, no I haven't really spoken to her about her boyfriend. She's only brought him up to me once, months ago and it was about something trivial. (Crochet needles) She actually never talks about her boyfriend at all, and if she does its never around me. Actually telling her my feelings in person was the original plan, but its not that simple. She lives in one state and I live in the next one over, so we rarely see each other. So of course when we do get together, I don't want to ruin our time together with something as trivial as how I feel about her. So I thought a message would be easier, not to mention I'm shy as hell. Though this pro/con list sounds helpful and I'll probably do it. This infatuation has gone on for awhile, I just wanna get it off my chest. Let it lead to where it wants to go, not ruin anything, and remain best friends at the end. I think its a little easier since I'm not desperate for a relationship, since I love being single. But I want to get over this, whether its through my first relationship, or getting turned down and that is that. I just want us both to come out closer at the end. Sorry for rambling guys, but you are helpful.
     
    #5 CandyZombies, Apr 24, 2013
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