Alright, so I've been talking to a guy online for about a week now and he seems to be everything I've wanted in someone. I was starting to think guys of the nature I like didn't exist, but apparently they do and we are planning to hang out this weekend for a beer. I kind of just think I might be getting my hopes up too high about it though. I haven't really been able to get it off my mind. Having low confidence has me really nervous about meeting thinking about what if he isn't interested in person in getting to know me, what if I don't actually look as good as he thinks I do, what if I'm generally not good enough. It's really bothering me thinking about it all the time. Kind of just want to get the initial meeting over with. Am I overthinking this?
Yes. I've been in this situation many times myself, with varying degrees of success. I think a lot depends on what you're expecting to get out of it. Is it a hook-up? Is it a date? Is it meeting a new friend? I've always found it easier going it to thinking it's the latter (even if it's just a hook-up). It helps me relax more and when I'm relaxed I find it easier to get on with people. Conversation flows easier. Beer flows easier. Don't get stressed about it and go with the flow.
It's kind of just a get to know eachother, neither of us have used the word date at all. There seems to be enough middle grounds to at least be friends though. Definitely isn't just a hookup though.
You could try skyping, or if not, during the meet-up have an external activity to keep the interest mutual. If you click during the activity (e.g. a movie? lunch so that you can at least enjoy food), then it would make things a lot less awkward if that is your fear. I'm sure he is feeling the exact same way though.
Yea, we don't really know what were going to do yet really. The plan is to have a beer or two but I don't really know anyone in his town that I could crash at if I had enough that I couldn't drive, which is only.about 1.
Okay so maybe having a beer isn't the best first encounter. Sure, it'll get rid of the nerves.. but who knows what could happen if you were to get drunk and not have anywhere to go. Couldn't you just meet at like a coffee shop or something? Even if you don't like coffee..
Be aware guys lie online. I tried the online dating last year. Every time I met one it was a desaster. Most used old photos 10, 15 years old, or photoshopped the shape or more to their face. I mean I met one out of the bunch who looked like their photo. I also found that the guys on there were really looking for sex more than a relationship. I caught them in all sorts of lies. I do better attracting men in person personally. Now you might have the golden ticket with this one. After all I was on there and I am a good decent person. So don't expect much and you will not be disapointed, but pleased. I ended-up finding love in two men, one lived next door for 6 years and was childhood friends with my ex and my ex's cousin. So love may be next door! June
I'll second this. Whatever your intentions are prior to meeting, if you get drunk and have no means of getting back home, the chances of it becoming a hookup increase. Either avoid having too many beers, or make alternative arrangements for getting back home.
I don't think I have to worry about really old photos, seeing as were both under 25, and yeah I've ran into some jerks already online. I'm going to see what he wants to do since I'm going to his town, going to say I would prefer to not drink for the first time since I don't know anyone there for a place to crash.
There`s nothing wrong with crashing on a date`s couch, if he offers. What you are going to say sounds great, and if he`s a nice guy he`ll offer you a couch if he has one, or at least help you out with finding a late train (unless you drive?). Having a beer is great for the nerves, if you can control your drinking. I like taking a glass of wine before a date, but I control it to just that one glass, getting drunk is unattractive. Just try to relax, be yourself, and focus on him! Don`t analyze your own feelings or stress about being anxious, it will only make it worse. Look him over, smile, have a good time and be interested in what he likes and hobbies. Remember that it goes both ways, the other person is usually just as nervous as you are Good luck!
I'm starting to get the feeling he isn't very interested. We only communicate through emails right now and his usually have a 3-4 hour response time or says he fell asleep and they can be a full day apart. He has a phone though so I can't really see not finding a second to be a valid excuse, just doesn't really care enough to find the time. Next time he replies I'm going to offer my number to text and if he still can't get back within a day I think ill just stay in my closet for a few more years. :/
Well you don't have to stay in your closet Just be out to those who ask. Like me. But I think if something's going to happen it will; eventually. Maybe he's in the same boat that you are, and is kind of scared and thinking about if you really are who you say you are. Maybe? I've never been in this situation so I can't really speak on that term, but it's just how I feel. Have you guys ever skyped or anything?
I'm not sure he has a computer and doesn't seem to message on anything but his phone, but no its mainly just been finding a time to meet in person to talk. I'm trying to think of more to say about why he might be less nervous than me but it would be all assumption. He's fully out and is cool with it, I'm barely even out to one friend, and even in that case I'm probably gonna have to say it again to have it reassured.
It could be that he is questioning your interest, thinking you might not be as out as he is, and therefore more likely to take one step forward, before retreating. Sometimes we question if the person we are after is interested, not thinking about what kind of signals we give on our own interest. Maybe you could be clearer on what you want from him? At least then get a straight (pun intended) answer out of him. In any case, 9/10 dates don`t work out, and we have to run after a lot of frogs before we catch one to kiss. That`s just the way of dating. So don`t give up
Yeah I could see how me being not out could be affecting his thoughts about me. I should probably make it a little more clear that I am ready to be more open, I just need some help and support. If it worked out into a relationship I don't think I would have any problem letting people know, it just seems so pointless doing it without actually having any gay people at all in my life(this probably is a bad way to look at it, but how it is right now I just don't have the confidence to do it on my own).
Time to move from online/phone to IRL meeting. Sooner the better -- your doubts are getting the better of you -- and you have no clue if that's what he's thinking at all. Agreed-- first meeting shouldn't be anything high pressure. How about meeting someplace in the middle of where you both live. Pick a place to have a coffee/drink whatever -- and where you can walk around maybe, get out, and if its going well, lunch/dinner/ etc. Good luck!
You're talking how much time now? At least a week, if not even more? Do you get along? Do you live near yourselves? Then it's time to meet! Try not to overanalyse, or overthink. Just.. take deeeep breath, read a good book and do stuff that calms you down. I slowly became an expert in meeting online friends (who became even more afterwards, haha). First things first: be yourself. Don't stress yourself out about looks and smile - always remember to smile. You've conversated a lot before. Enjoy the opportunity not to have to talk via typing (though I now type almost faster then I can speak. xD) GOOD LUCK!
