Did you guys lose friends when you started coming out? Cause I've hit a period in my life where my general demeanor does the coming out for me and I hate it so much. I've come a decent ways in accepting I'm gay but I just wish everyone around me didnt automatically know. I've just come home from university and I want to see my old friends, the problem is I've already lost 2 friends since coming home just for looking gay. It opened me up for bullying and a lot of hurtful comments at university all because of some "look in my eyes." I dont dress stereotypically but people can just tell. All though I thought I was straight until I was 18 but the gay thing hit me fast. It has been unsettling looking back and seeing that i was gay the whole time from old memories I'm just now understanding correctly. I'm hurting very badly and self medicating with everything my broke ass can find. Lots of Tylenol/NyQuil weed cigarettes and alcohol. I've lost any drive for life since I may have failed out of a very demanding aerospace engineering program. I'm still waiting on exam scores. I don't know what to do I'm just so depressed.
I am well into 22 now and hopefully what I have experienced in the last few years, since I was in a similar place as you, will help. I dropped out of college and had my own sort of depression rut until I finally decided that my problems did not matter. When I thought about the grand scheme of things, all life amounts to nothing. The troubles of the world, my own problems, being gay, a college dropout, all suddenly seemed so insignificant. But it was a good realization for me because it made me realize what was actually important. I want to be proud of myself until the day I die. Now I am back in a new school, studying something that I enjoy and find challenging (computer science). I still have small ruts occasionally but I just remember what is significant. I feel proud if I have a good breakfast, if I work out, or do my homework, talk to a guy in my class about an assignment, seeking help when I need it, killing on that pop quiz because I was prepared. These little feelings keep me going strong. I started doing activities that I enjoy rather than tagging along with others, or just wasting time at home. Racquetball? even if it meant I had to go out and find an opponent off the streets basically. Dungeons and dragons? I've always wanted to play and now I have a group that plays every weekend. You have to live for YOU and forget everyone else. When you do this, you will gain a social circle that fits you. These friends of yours, these peers, sound like real assholes with no grasp on reality, so RISE ABOVE IT, and STAY THERE! The best part about growing out of the teenage years is that you stop caring about what others think, doing what others want, and you live for you. As for your situation at school you need to focus as well as you can. Do it for yourself. Do not let anyone, their words, or their actions interfere with your goals. You are at a university to grow and learn and prepare for the next thing. A university is a professional setting and you should look down and laugh at the immaturity of those who would bully you. Set healthy goals for yourself, no matter how small, and follow through. The feeling of accomplishment will lift your spirits. And remember to live for yourself. Pursue what you want, and choose the friends that you want. Oh, and your sexuality is insignificant. Sex and love are indeed important to health and happiness, no denying it, but your sexual preference/orientation/whatever is not important.
Thank you for the advice funkeln I can relate to a lot of what your saying already even though I have a lot of growing to do. @Robert I'm in the united states
