1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Is it worth it?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by hiddenxrainbows, Apr 24, 2013.

  1. hiddenxrainbows

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2011
    Messages:
    336
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Pennsylvania
    If you're an adult, live on your own, and aren't really dependent on your parents at all, is it worth it to come out to them, when they are crazy overly religious homophobes? Is it worth the risk that they might disown you and never talk to you again?

    And if someone has come out to their homophobe parents, how did it work out? Do some of them eventually come around, or not?
     
  2. idwtbf

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2013
    Messages:
    7
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    For me, its worth the risk.
    I mean, they've had the chance to live life so its my turn now.

    I was forced to come out to my homophobe mom and it's not working that well. But my dad (he supports me) says my mom will come around soon and all she needs is time.

    But honestly speaking, while you wait for a homophobe parent to accept you, its a long and painful process.
     
  3. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
    Messages:
    16,551
    Likes Received:
    4,750
    Location:
    northern CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    The main issue is, as long as you're keeping it secret from them, your relationship with them is inauthentic; you can't be yourself. You can't tell them what's going on if it's a relationship issue. So ultimately, it feeds into your own self-esteem in a negative way.

    Based on what I've seen here at EC, and with people I've talked to outside of EC, it is rare for even the most bigoted, homophobic parents to disown their children. They may get angry, threaten to disown, tell you you'll burn in hell, and all that sort of stuff... but on the whole, most of them eventually come around because they (correctly) realize that their relationship with their child is more important than their religious beliefs, and it's ridiculous to disown someone because they choose to love someone of the same sex.

    But one can never tell for sure.

    I would say that the pros outweigh the cons.
     
  4. erik22

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 21, 2013
    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Damn, I can't imagine what it's like to have parents like that. But just like you said, if you live on your own, what does it matter what your parents think? Even if they hate you, at least you know they are wrong. Because they are
     
  5. hiddenxrainbows

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2011
    Messages:
    336
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Pennsylvania
    Thanks, guys. Living on my own does help. Tho I don't have a car and if I want to go back to my hometown, where my family's at, I usually ask my dad. Tho if I had to, I could get someone else.

    I do hate having to hide it from him. I want to tell him to be honest. And I'm worried for my little sister. She's fourteen and just came out to me as bi. I don't want her growing up, hearing a bunch of homophobic bull crap and feel like she has to hide it, even if she only hides it from our dad. I want to be honest with him and get him to change his mind, at least a little bit, so she doesn't have i t so hard. And if she eventually wants to come out to him, then she'll freely be able to.

    But I'm also worried that if I tell my dad, he might try to keep me away from seeing my sister, because I'm a bad influence or something. That's the main thing I care about anymore. If he wants to hate me for who I am, then whatever I guess. I know it'll hurt, but if he can't accept me, then that means he's not a good father, and I don't need that. But if I can't see my sister, I'll go crazy. I want to be there for her and help her with things. I know she trusts me the most with what's going on in her life than anyone else in our family. So if I'm not allowed to see her, she's gonna have a hard time.