Hey guys, I'm new here and I just made an account to post this. I just need some advice or something :tears: . Thanks beforehand for reading! I've been dating my girlfriend for 3 years. During the 1st year, my mom's friend saw my girlfriend and I holding hands at a mall and decided to tell my mom, which was a really bad thing to do since I wasn't ready to come out to my mom at all. So I was basically forced to come out. After learning this, my mom over-reacted, cried a lot of times and forced us to break up. I lied to her saying we did when we really didn't. During this period of time, she was excessively mean and rude to me; which meant she would yell at me for no reason at all. (It was complete hell) Two years later, she promised me she'd accept me being a lesbian but she would make discriminating and scornful comments whenever homosexual things were mentioned on TV. I thought she would keep her word and after I told her I "reconciled" with my "ex", she flipped out again. Except she was angry that I was still dating the same girl I was. Her excuse for being mad wasn't because I'm homosexual but because I'm dating the same girl which I think is total BS because she KNOWS I wouldn't want to date anyone else. She doesn't like my gf because she thinks my gf is rude (she isn't at all. my mom swore at her and she still politely replied) and because my mom is racist against chinese people. (my gf's chinese). Again, my mother is putting me through complete hell by being extremely rude and scornful towards me. The main problem is my mom knows where my girlfriend goes to school (high school) and is threatening to bitch out at my gf in front of all her friends which is very humiliating for my gf. (which is her main point, to force us to break up) What can I do about this psycho woman? My dad supports me in my decisions which is good but he doesn't live with us so its only me vs. mother now. I'm 20 btw, and I can't move out because I don't have enough money and my dad lives in another continent so moving isn't an option... I've tried pleasing my mom by promising her I wouldn't do anything in front of her that affects her and I have a 4 gpa in university just to make her let go of me but it doesn't work (sorry about the long message)
I'm not sure what advice to give, but I'll just mention that I really hope things get better for you. It really sucks, the way your mom is acting.
the best thing to do is to just keep to yourself. work as much as possible, save as much money as possible and then get your own place when you have the funds to do so. if your own mother can't accept you - don't accept her back. that's what i'd do, be short with her (but not rude) and just act plain disappointed. maybe that will open her eyes? but at the same time, you're 20, you're an adult. if you're still living under her roof, it's her rules. even if they're incredibly shitttty.
Thanks for the responses guys I think I have to suck it up and..live with it I guess and move out asap!! Sometimes, I wish that I was never homosexual. It sort of makes me hate myself so much for being this way because if I wasn't, then there wouldn't be any problems I just don't understand why can't she accept it. Its not like it'll affect her in any way. Not sure if shes being the selfish one here or am I the selfish one. :bang:
you're not being selfish at all, that's not even debatable. it's YOUR life, you live it the way you want to live it. give it time, she'll either become more open-minded about it or you'll just have to move forward with your life.
your mom is behaving irrationally. threatening to attack your gf at her school? no stable adult would do that. is there no one else you could turn to for help? it sounds like you have reason to feel unsafe with your mother. although, not for nothing, if your mother does go to your gf's school she will no doubt be in major trouble. she may even be arrested. so either she knows that it isn't worth the risk and is just trying to cause you stress by telling you that, or she is completely irrational and will be told so by other people if she goes through with that plan.
Definitely her. You didn't choose to be this way, and you're not hurting anyone by having a consensual same-sex relationship. She does have a choice to accept it or be intolerant, and she's chosen intolerance, a choice that is damaging to you and possibly your gf.
She says I'm selfish because she gave birth to me, raised me and gave me the best of everything and now I repay her by being gay and by picking a horrible gf (my gf is great). I don't even know how to reply her when she says that. I seriously hope she's just trying to stress me out because she is the type to do something like that. She doesn't even care how other people see her and my mother is SO good at manipulating my father so if it actually gets more serious, my dad will probably be on her side as well. But I secretly hope she'll be arrested and jailed for a while. Sadly I have no one else to turn to which sucks. ---------- Post added 25th Apr 2013 at 07:48 PM ---------- She says I'm hurting her psychologically because its disgusting and embarrassing for her as a parent. She's also scared about losing "face". And hell yea, she's done ALOT of damage in the past and now. I just don't understand why can't she get over it, its my life not hers.
A part of me would want to threaten her with gfs consent,"go ahead and threaten her,then you would be in jail...What would you accomplish?Nothing but want more of her than you in my life.Your such a great mom.(Sarcasm). Sorry your going through this love(*hug*)
Well, firstly, you didn't choose this. Secondly, children are a gift, not a promise. Parents have no right to expect anything from their children. A lot of people feel entitled to a certain kind of child, but this is irrational. You are given no guarantees, when you become a parent, about what your child will be like. Whether they're gay or straight, or like football or cheerleading or whatever, or even whether they grow up to be a psychopath or die of cancer at the age of 2 - nothing a parent does should reasonably be expected to guarantee avoiding certain of those outcomes in favour of the ones they prefer. And lastly, there's nothing wrong with being gay. She's too close-minded to see that, but she's wrong. No, she's hurting herself. If she would get over it, she'd be a lot happier.
Thank you ilayis :icon_bigg I want to do this as well but I'm not ready to move out yet so... and I really wouldn't want my mom attacking my gf cause my gf might feel humiliated and break it off from the stress or something. My mom would be so happy if my gf does that cause that's her main purpose. It sucks! There's like nothing I can do except for sucking it up and watch everything fall apart :tears: ---------- Post added 25th Apr 2013 at 08:33 PM ---------- I agree! She has so many excuses for not getting over it. There was this time when my mom sent me a text that said "tell that bitch to go die" and my gf saw it. My gf was really hurt of course and she politely replied my mom (using my phone) telling her not to call her that . Now my mom hates her because she thinks my gf is impolite, rude and ...which are all excuses to me. My gf being ugly is one of the excuses for not accepting her wth?
