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questions and concerns on meeting up with an older guy

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by stumble along, Apr 25, 2013.

  1. stumble along

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    Hi all, I've been talking to this guy for a few weeks and we have a fair bit in common, I took the leap and asked if he wanted to hang out sometime after we are both out of school, roughly two weeks.
    He is 22 and is just about to graduate, I'm 18 and just started. Here are the questions.

    1. Obviously he can drink legally and I can't, I'm fairly tolerant of using the "witchfolky" drugs like weed, shrooms and LSD. And though I have only ever done weed once, I'm concerned if he is the same way that he may try to push stuff on me? And the same goes with alcohol.

    2. He has done some modeling and is fairly attractive and I think he thinks I'm more fit than I really am, I'm muscular and fit but I do retain some fat that's noticeable sometimes. I also still have acne issues and pictures tend to hide that.

    3. This goes along with question two in that I'm also the one that has started almost every conversation, and he is a bit of a bad texter most of the time we do have conversations every now and then, is this normal considering I was also the one to initiate a meet up and all?

    4. Our first meeting we are going to go to a park I've never been to but he has, it doesn't concern me much but just your opinion on the selection?

    Please tell me if I'm overreacting, I hate it but if I'm just nervous I can hopefully try and turn that to my favor.

    Lastly, any good meet up tips? Dos and donts that sort of thing? I'm hoping for this guy to be the first out of 3 guys we have mutual interests in, out of the three i like him the most but he also has the least enthusiasm sometimes...

    Help?
     
  2. AKTodd

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    I'd advise against drinking or drug use as part of any first meeting with anyone.

    Your build and complexion aren't things you can control in the time available and if he considers them dealbreakers he's probably not worth your time.

    By park do you mean a city park with lots of people around or a national park in the middle of nowhere? If the former and its in the daytime, I'd say you are probably fine. The latter is a bit more fuzzy but if you both love hiking or something and have discussed that it might make sense. So what sort of park and does it fit in with what you know of him?

    He may just be bad at or about texting. Then again I barely text at all so probably a bad resource on this one.

    Hope this helps,

    Todd
     
  3. stumble along

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    I'm avoiding drugs and alcohol of any sort as well, though I can't imagine why, if I somehow end up at his place and he offers a beer or two I wouldn't object, unless its crap haha. And definitely not on the first meeting, I really want to restrain from too much fowardness.

    Speaking of that, if he wants to kiss at the end of the date and I like him should I kiss him? I was thinking of maybe the third date if anything, I like my threes haha.

    And its a city park, I'm thinking that since he wants to walk around a lake ill just try and dress my best and bring something for the ducks and try not to chase them... Hiking isn't out of the question though, and the park does give a bit of options for afterward like lunch or a movie.

    I'm just beginning to get nervous about it is all. Probably will be my first actual date and all
     
  4. AKTodd

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    Was just thinking of the first meeting. If things advance to the point of you ending up at his place, then drinking a beer from a closed container is probably fine (I've been tuning up my paranoia settings - can you tell?:wink: ). If things progress beyond a certain point you are of course free to consume whatever you wish.

    I'd go with your gut on this one. If you do decide you want to hold off until a third date or something, also give thought to how you're going to communicate that while still making it clear you're interested. Can you work it into the conversation? Just explain it if the situation arises? Thinking about it, I'd probably go with the latter, especially if this is your first date. Explain you're new at this and trying to figure things out and have decided that waiting until the third date is what works for you. Honesty is generally the best policy and usually comes across as sincere simply because it is.

    That said, if you're dying to kiss him by the end of it and the offer is made...rules are sometimes made to be broken:slight_smile:

    This all sounds good:slight_smile: Nerves are perfectly normal. Breath, think calm thoughts and try not to overthink it. Remember, no matter how it works out you will learn something from it and grow as a result.

    Best of luck. We're all rooting for you :thumbsup:

    Todd:slight_smile:
     
  5. stumble along

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    Jesus, its been 6 months...
    hello everyone since this is literally the same guy I figured why start a new thread?
    Um, yeah, 6 months have gone by and we still haven't actually met. I have come down with a serious case of gastroenteritis (least thats what the er said it was) recently which foiled an actual attempt at meeting up with him this weekend at Atlanta pride, which sucks.
    but you can well imagine that over the 6 months weve gotten to know each other and I still can't tell what he's wanting out of this, we havent talked about boys or sexuality or sex in general so I literally just dont know. I cant read his mind but mine is saying I really want to give this a go.
    his texting hasnt really improved so my friend and I think hes just a bad texter (which doesnt bode well for long distance unfortunately) but another friend (and I love her with all my heart for trying to warn me even though I already know) says that if he was interested he would have said something.
    I really want to ask him these questions over a phone call and I for some reason thought and tried to call him this weekend which wasn't smart because he was out partying for pride (basically I couldn't get to him)
    he has a job now and he gets off at 5:30 so I was thinking about calling him after work?

    What do you guys think and how should I phrase the whole "im really confused as to where we stand and I think your really cute"

    and before anyone calls catfish on this, my friend did make me paranoid enough to uber stalk him and yes he is real... and I still feel terrible about it
     
  6. Californiacoast

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    Dude. Now is tha time for face to face. It will just get more difficult. I suggest a coffee shop on a Saturday afternoon. Done.:eusa_clap
     
  7. stumble along

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    What do you mean by more difficult?
    I think we might be talking on the phone this afternoon we'll see.
    btw we're (him and I) are from CA as well.
     
  8. stumble along

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    So we are meeting up in the early afternoon this Sunday
    sunday funday
    it better not be cold or i wont be able to wear the good shirts (havent gone winter shopping yet)