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what the?????

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Winfield, Apr 25, 2013.

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  1. Winfield

    Winfield
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    ive never asked for any advice in public before but im kinda shitting myself here
    would really like to have some insight if possible...

    ok here goes...

    i love to have sex. i hook up as many times as i can with different people guys or girls. .

    so one of my hookups whom i met from the gym, we see eachother quite regularly. whats happend, is it went from in the bedroom to now texting eachother about our days etc... we even went out for a meal and im confused coz im not suppose to be attached. i feel weired like i wanna know what he's up too and if he's alright etc... wtf? where am i getting these feelings from? apparently he feels the same way .....

    please help me anyone... whats happening to me? i dont like it when im not in control of my feelings and emotions im actually scared of whats happening. i just want things to go back to normal...

    (sorry about the essay, i didnt expect it to be this long and also my spelling and grammar aint the best)
     
    #1 Winfield, Apr 25, 2013
  2. Hefiel

    Hefiel
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    Congrats, sounds like you might be in love.
     
    #2 Hefiel, Apr 25, 2013
  3. Bryan90

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    Haha, I wouldn't go so far as to say love, but congrats on finding out that we humans are sometimes slave to our own emotions.

    You're probably infatuated. Our minds want to feel certain things that we can't stop it from feeling. The only choice we have is to either fight it or yield to it. Is it that bad to continue feeling that way you do and get to know this person better? The infatuation might go away soon, or it might stay and morph into something more, who knows. A piece of advice though, trying to fight the emotions you feel can be very very taxing sometimes, consider going with the flow unless you're REALLY REALLY averse to the idea.
     
    #3 Bryan90, Apr 25, 2013
  4. Winfield

    Winfield
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    Hefiel Love? ummm no thanks i dont do that...

    Bryan90 i want to fight it coz i really enjoy seeing different people... whats happened now is that when im with someone else ... i think of him and its so weird... for example last night i was with this hot bird and i was getting into it and all and then he pops in my head and i felt bad for some strange reason...

    he called me this morning if i felt like that (scenario above) when im with people and i lied and said no...
     
    #4 Winfield, Apr 25, 2013
  5. followtherabbit

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    would he be open to like an open relationship?
    seeing each other and other people?

    except if you're thinking of him while with other people then you defanitely got something chemical going on. Gotta decide whether that means you want just him for what.
     
    #5 followtherabbit, Apr 25, 2013
  6. jargon

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    Yup, sounds like you're starting to like-like this guy haha. Personally I think that's an awesome thing and you should embrace it, but I'm a relationships kind of guy. If he feel similarly (which it sounds like he might if you guys have both been texting each other just to talk) it could go somewhere, if that's what you want. :slight_smile:
     
    #6 jargon, Apr 25, 2013
  7. Winfield

    Winfield
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    thanks so much guys, i really appreciate you guys taking the time to help me and my dumb feelings...


    followtherabbit open relationship? thats possible? ive heard of it but never knew people would do it... i'd be so open to that idea

    Jargon thats what im afraid of... im afraid that i might actually like him too... which means no more girls or guys of the sort...(yeah i sound kinda selfish here... but i really like to have sex)

    thing why i dont do relationships is coz ive always been a player when i was in a relationship. its never worked for me coz i cheat or she cheats... i just started hooking up with guys this year let alone date (though he and i have gone out for dinner, movies and ive even gone to his rugby games) .Also, i have two kids and no one wants to date a guy with kids...

    ---------- Post added 25th Apr 2013 at 05:06 PM ----------

    shoot.... he just texted and said if we can meet up for lunch... he wants to talk about something... Krap!!! guys what do i do ???? go or should i make something up?
     
    #7 Winfield, Apr 25, 2013
  8. Devious Kitty

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    If you like the guy, then you like him. Nothing at all wrong with that, and there's nothing wrong with having an open relationship. I know a few people that do it, as its something that can be common among sexual positivists. Its something that I'm open to, assuming I end up with someone. In short, there is nothing wrong with liking a guy/girl (or even going so far as to be in love and marry them) and still wanting to be with others as well. Just be honest and open about it with him from the start and see if he approves. It's not at all wrong, unethical or "cheating" if the entire thing is out in the open and consensual. And make sure to discuss what exactly the rules and boundaries would be in the relationship. What he views as an "open relationship" may not be the same as what you view it as or would like it to be. If you can't come to any sort of agreement, and don't want to sacrifice being with others to be with him, then maybe a relationship with him isn't for you (but that will be for you to decide, not me.) If you can come to an agreement, then do what makes you happy. :slight_smile: The key is talking about it and being open and honest.
     
    #8 Devious Kitty, Apr 25, 2013
  9. Winfield

    Winfield
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    Thank You Thank You Thank You (*hug*)

    ok im going to meet up with him for lunch and "Talk" i now have something to take with me to this discussion im nervous and have butterflies... man this is so stupid feeling like this over a guy :confused:
     
    #9 Winfield, Apr 25, 2013
  10. Owen

    Owen
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    It's not stupid at all. It just feels stupid because you haven't felt it before (I'm guessing). And it's a weird feeling the first time you feel it. But it's not a bad feeling. It's vulnerability. You like this guy, and that means you want to let him in to be closer with you. But if you do that, you're making yourself vulnerable to getting hurt by him. But you're also opening yourself up to letting him make you feel great. It's a risk, certainly, but in measured amounts, it's absolutely a risk worth taking. :slight_smile:

    If you think of him when you're with other people and feel bad about being with them, maybe you won't enjoy seeing other people further down the line as much as you do now. Maybe if you pursue things with him, other people will have less appeal for you. That's not something to be afraid of; if what you like changes, then what you like changes.
     
    #10 Owen, Apr 25, 2013
  11. HeyAshley

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    you're whipped, duh :wink:
     
    #11 HeyAshley, Apr 25, 2013
  12. Winfield

    Winfield
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    Thanks Owen,

    Your the BOMB.COM :grin:

    As much as i dont like it... but you make sense so im going to go to this lunch and see what happens... Thank you everyone for offering your time and great advice... im actually freaking out because i dont know how this lunch is going to go...
     
    #12 Winfield, Apr 25, 2013
  13. Devious Kitty

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    Glad I could help. (*hug*)

    Most people pretty much live to have feelings for someone else, so don't get too upset over it. xD I can't say how open he may be to the idea. It really depends on how much knowledge he has about things like sexual positivism and the different kinds of relationships out there along with how exactly he feels about these sorts of things. Hopefully he will be open to it, though you won't know unless you talk about it.

    If he's new to the idea you could encourage him to think about it and do some online research on the topic. Express your view that there is nothing morally wrong with it and that it would be completely open and consensual (and that any sorts of rules and boundaries could be discussed.)
     
    #13 Devious Kitty, Apr 25, 2013
  14. remainnameless

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    Sorry but this is kind of frickin adorable, tell us how the meeting went XD
     
    #14 remainnameless, Apr 25, 2013
  15. AKTodd

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    Not much to add to this, but a couple of thoughts:

    a) If he's calling you and asking if you're feeling bad when you're with other people, that implies he's feeling this as well and may be feeling just as confused/scared as you are.

    b) Not sure if it's just another form of open relationship or a thing in itself, but another option that some couples do is to play as a couple. That is to say, they consider themselves to be together as a couple but invite a third person (or more I suppose) into the mix for sexual fun with them both at the same time. If you're both bi, this might be an option that could extend to both males and females and let you both be in a relationship with each other but also play with others to whatever degree you find enjoyable.

    Just another potential option perhaps.

    That all said, as Owen mentions, it is also possible that you may find yourself not enjoying being with others as much if you have feelings for him.

    Hope this helps,

    Todd
     
    #15 AKTodd, Apr 25, 2013
  16. Femmeme

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    I'm going to toss an idea out, it maybe completely wrong but I think it's worth considering...

    Maybe you're homoromantic bisexual? Maybe you've always been a player because in the past you've been with women and while you enjoy them sexually, they just don't do it for you on an emotional level?

    Or maybe this guy is just that awesome! :wink:

    I think you should explore it and give it a shot! :goodluck:
     
    #16 Femmeme, Apr 25, 2013
  17. Winfield

    Winfield
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    Hi Guys, just wanna say thanks all for wanting to help me out..

    i had lunch with the guy and ummm it was the most weirdest and awkward conversation he and i ever had to have lol.... think we were both uncomfortable talking about it. we were both equally as confused about the whole thing....

    im not sure whether you guys wanna know how it went but im going to write it anyway so i can get some feedback ...(i apologise in advance for the spelling and the grammar)

    he and i agreed to meet at 1pm at some cafe down the rd from where i work, so i walked there.When i got there, he was already waiting.(damn he looked mighty fine in his mecahnic overrolls) it was awkward from the beginning. i didnt know how to greet the guy, whether to give him a handshake or a "bro-hug" he was as lost as i was so we did nothing and just said "hey".

    he ordered for us already, he said that i always seem to have chicken when im with him so he ordered me a chicken parmiajan. i was shocked coz thats what i always order at this joint...

    when the waitres left after bringing us our food... we just stared at our food and said nothing for close to 5mins... (i was really nervous and my heart was beating like crazy)
    i looked at him and he was pale and his hands were shaking ..i thought it was because he didnt like his food... so i asked him whether he's ok and he said "yeah, a lil nervous".

    so i asked whats up and what he wanted to talk to me about (though i kinda knew) he hesitated for a bit and then let it out "i think we need to stop seeing eachother" (damn i didnt see this one coming) i was trying to be cool so i said "yeah sure, if thats what you want" he looked down and said it was because of the text he sent me (refer to the posts above) and my response.

    he continued "i dont know what's going on man, im loosing the plot. i cant get you out of my head, i think about you constantly and then when im with you im excited and nervous. im constantly looking at my phone to see if you texted.its even affected my sexlife bro". (i was just quiet and stared at my plate.. i didnt know what to say.) he continued..."i only wanted nsa fun nothing more nothing less, but the more i see you the longer i want to be there and its f****n doing my head in... ive dumped my girl friend coz i dont like her the way i used to and thats because those feelings i had for her, i now have for you... F**k!!!!!" (i didnt know he had a girl friend and my heart was racing now...and my hands got sweaty) he continued " so i texted you this morning when i got to work and see if you felt this and when you said no, i knew i was loosing it"
    (now i felt really bad but i couldnt say anything i just sat there and continued looking at my plate... he got teary eyed and kept going about how his life is F***d.) he also said that everything was great before i came along... and then he got up and said "bye and ive got lunch" and started walking towards the cashier

    my heart was racing i didnt want him to go but then i wanted him to go...think my brain and heart were having a massive war at this time

    (now for anyone who ive spoken to or seen my posts in other threads would know that im not the type to do this)

    i saw that he paid the bill and walked out the door to his car... i had so many things running in my head but all i knew was that i didnt want him to leave. so i ran after him.. (in my head im thinking this is really stupid, that im running after a guy) i got to him before he pulled out of the parking, i hopped in the passenger side and told him to drive to my work's parking lot.

    while he was driving i blurted everything out (i felt like a loser doing this for some reason) so i said "that text you sent me this moring? i lied, because i was afraid of not knowing what to do. i feel the same way about you too and its been killing me inside coz i only wanted nsa fun too. but when im with you i feel really good and i dont know why, i think about you alot and its not normal for a guy to think about another guy like this and i also hoped that you text me to say that your ok and that you wanna meet up. i like it when we do things other than hooking up. it feels good i cant explain it" and then i started to get teary eye (while doing this in my head im thinking, im such a fag) he just looked at me and kissed me right there and then.... and i kissed him back. i didnt care if people saw us (like seriously its weird) and then i cracked up laughing and he asked why im lauging and i said "here we are two masc guys and being fags making out in the parking lot in broad daylight lol) he just smiled and kept kissing me

    so now im going to meet him for dinner tonight and to talk about "us" (think im going to have to tell him about my kids and my past and the whole open relation thingi too.)

    i apologise if some of the stuff i said came across offensive to some. Thank you for taking the time to read through this long story. do you think i did the right thing? its going against everything ive believed in and worked against but for some reason it feels right... i dont know i cant explain it...

    any feedback would be appreciated
     
    #17 Winfield, Apr 25, 2013
  18. Femmeme

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    Wow! That sounds like a scene out of a romantic movie! Seriously!

    I think you're being really brave, and I'm really proud of you for following your heart! Having feelings for someone IS scary, especially someone you didn't imagine or want to have feeling for.

    I also think it's worth the risk, even if it doesn't work out real feelings are always worth the risk.

    I'm super excited for you and have my fingers crossed that it DOES work out.
     
    #18 Femmeme, Apr 26, 2013
  19. Winfield

    Winfield
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    Thanks Femmeme, i still dont know why i did what i did... and all i know is im looking forward to seeing him later on. im sort of rehersing what im going to say and how im going to say it... im a real looser and still cant believe im doing this...

    i just dont want to have a good thing walk out on me coz i was too proud to accept it.
    so, if this is real then im just gonna run with it and if it doesnt last then all i can say is "Karma's a bitch"
     
    #19 Winfield, Apr 26, 2013
  20. 579526392

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    Sounds like you need to have the TALK you know where you talk exstensively to figure out wat your relationship or watever is becoming. my advice its ok to feel that way trust me being with someone like that is awesome:]
     
    #20 579526392, Apr 26, 2013
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