Just in one of those glum moods. If anyone has read my previous posts, u'll know I am taking meds for some kidney issues and one of the side effects is moodiness. Just what a shy, lonely, stressed out guy needs, right?! Anyway, I am just down right now. I am only out to my best friend and his girlfriend. And I've already written my post about my jealousy of their bond. Just saw them again today, and the mind started wandering and wishing it was my relationship. I did send a FB msg last Tue to another good friend and alerted him to the fact that I did come out to my best friend. He never goes on, so who knows when he will read it. This is an interesting one. This person is important in my life. He was my best man at my wedding. He's also someone that I have had relations with while he was married (not proud of it). I love him (currently) as a friend. Not to sure that I could seen us in a relationship which is what I want. He is 14 yrs older than me and treats me (I feel) good, but think he's in it more for the sex. When I told him my wife & I seperated he actually wanted to move here and "spend his life with me". I would love it, IF HE KEPT IT UNDER WRAPS! I think he would, but at this point in my life I am not ready to be 100% out and he has been questioned by people as to his orientation many times, my parents included. If he was to move here, that would instantly out us. I don't know where I am going with this, but I am just lonely and super shy, and going thru all this medical bs, i just want someone to hold me and tell me it is gonna be alright. OK I've gotta stop typing. I am getting emotional. Thanks for reading, although I know this warrants no replies. :tears:
Thanks. I just wish it was easier. Like, I see how I want to spend my life in my head and its a perfect world. Its the getting to that point that is hard on me emotionally. Its like I wish I could just go POOF and its done :bang:. I do appreciate the support tho.(&&&)
I think we all to some extent see the life we want in our heads, and it`s very easy to feel cheated out of happiness when reality does not match up. Problem is, reality is never going to match up to our dreams, because real life comes with ups and downs, a bit like mountain climbing or hiking. Some days you have to climb your legs off, some you`ll find yourself looking at the most insanely beautiful nature you`ve ever seen, far out-shadowing those of our dreams. The days we spend climbing are tough, but the days we`re on the top of the world makes it all worth it. At least that`s my humble experience, and what I try to lean on. My life is not how I imagined it to be, but I am taking it one dream at the time. You have a lot of time to make a few dreams come through, meet wonderful people and get to a place you are content with. Just don`t be afraid of meeting new people, making a few changes and taking some risks. No risk, no gain And hang on in there! I know how you feel *hugs*
