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Unconditional love or deluded fool? Advice pls...

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by J9ah, Apr 28, 2013.

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  1. J9ah

    J9ah
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    Hi all, firstly I'd like to say thank you to everyone for all the advice over the past few months. After all of my deliberations I told my best friend how I feel, I've told other close friends, I've even tried a relationship but here is the clincher, it seems that I'm not able to become aroused by anyone who isn't him, it's a daunting and frustrating psychological block on my life in so many ways because the emotional bond I have with him is so strong that it seems to permeate and prevent me from having relationships with other people. I figured that if I told him about they way I feel, that pheraps we could ease up from being in each others faces the entire time but are still so strongly attached. Those closest to me think , he is in denial over the way he feels but what am I supposed to do about that? When I spoke with him I took all of the blame and requested a time out, but eventually things went back to normal and I seem back in this vicious cycle once more. I know it seems like an hyperbole but the time we spend together is transcendent, easy and unlike anything I experience with anyone else. It is the closest I've ever felt to unconditional love for another person, apart from my immediate family and it is so beyond just simply attraction. I could honestly say that even if he put on 100 pounds and aged 20 yrs overnight, it would not change the way I feel, not one bit!!


    The problem with this is I have no desire in intimacy with anyone else, it simply doesn't work and boy have I pretended!! Furthermore I don't think I've shut myself out-of-the possibility with being with him, I've tried to help my cause and, his I suppose , by fixing him up with girls I know or friends of girlfriends past, it doesn't work; he utterly refuses to be with anyone and states he has resorted to being alone, which is strange considering he has a lot to offer and I know many woman are interested in him. I suppose the one thing that has changed since my revelation is his moods, he seems to be so much more sad or serious since I told him how I felt.

    So how does this relate to me, well I feel the only way I'd be able to move on is by definitively looking him in the eye and asking him with absolute conviction if he truly doesn't feel the same way I do? I don't know if this is a good idea, because I know what I said unsettled him and I honestly don't want to exacerbate any fragility that, that may cause him to feel and partially I am scared that it may confirm what I suspect, that he does in fact feel the same way! In all honesty the last option that there is absolooutley nothing on his part would be a sort if relief, I think cognitively it would help me repair?

    Please tell me your thoughts and advice?
     
    #1 J9ah, Apr 28, 2013
  2. J9ah

    J9ah
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    Anyone? I just don't know what the right thing is, I just need some brutal honesty!
     
    #2 J9ah, Apr 29, 2013
  3. myheartincheck

    myheartincheck
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    Do you know why he has been so moody lately? (Sorry if you already mentioned it I didn't seem to catch it in the post)

    I think that in order to move on whether it's into a relationship or to get over someone you should start by coming out to them and then telling them how you feel about them a bit afterwards. Otherwise this guy will always be on your mind and later on you might wonder "what if?"

    I hope that helped a little bit. :confused:
     
    #3 myheartincheck, Apr 29, 2013
  4. Viridian

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    You are still hung up on your friend. I've bolded the signs for you.

    I think the best option for you is to sit down and talk to him about it. If we were to tell you to avoid it, you will continue to long for him as there was never any closure. In the long run, it would not benefit you at all.

    So the best way is to pour your heart out to him. Tell him that you like him in a romantic way and ask if he likes you back in that way as well. Say it calmly, but be direct. Ask for a clarification if he gives a wishy-washy answer. You want a clear, concise response from him. Then, be prepared for the results.

    Results:
    A) He likes you back. Congrats, you got yourself a boyfriend.
    B) He only sees you as a good friend. Awkward situation and probably result in a cooling off of friendship.
    C) He freaks out and shuts you out of his life. Possibly the worst cast scenario as you've lost a friend.

    But from what it sounds like, result (B) may have already happened. You mentioned that you told him that you liked him and he seems more sad and/or serious presently. This might be him trying to maintain the friendship, but is keeping an "uptight" stance as he doesn't want to send any signals to you in case you may misinterpret it as romantic.

    Young love blinds reasoning and logic though, so whatever I say may fall on deaf ears. And that's okay. Be prepared and just sit down and have a long discussion with him.

    The faster you resolve this knot in your stomach, the better it is for you as you will have an answer and can go from there(*hug*)
     
    #4 Viridian, Apr 30, 2013
    Last edited: Apr 30, 2013
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