I really need to vent to some people who hopefully can give me some support and perhaps have been in similar situations. I appreciate all who listen.(&&&) I've been bisexual for about 7 years when I fell in love with my first girl when I was a freshmen. That's a long story in itself... but, since then, I've always like girls more than boys even if I've never officially dated one. I met a great guy when I was 17 (almost 21 now) and we've been together for about three and a half years. Everything was bliss for about the first half of our relationship; we moved in together after a year and a half. Around four months after that, I started to feel different. Some of it was thoughts like, "I was going to end up with the first person I REALLY seriously dated and never got to explore, have my own experiences, or make some mistakes,” and also things like, "I moved right out of my parent’s house to a house with my boyfriend and I never got to live by myself." Stuff like that. My boyfriend got to live by himself since he was 20 to 23 when I met him. He got to date around a little and just be by himself. I wanted that too... But the biggest issue (and I knew it but tried to ignore it) was that I was leaning more and more towards girls. As time has progressed, I've realized I only like girls, at least at this point in my life. My boyfriend is VERY attractive and is the most wonderful, understanding person I've ever met, but I just can't be intimate anymore. We discussed some of my feelings (not so much the liking girls part, but he’d always known I was bi) over a year ago. We agreed to see how things went. A year later, I still felt the same. So now we’re in the process of trying to separate. It’s difficult because I only work part time and go to school full-time at a collage that is an hour away and I really depend on his help with both bills and taking care of our pets. I will just BARELY be able to afford this place by myself when he does move out, but the house I am in is getting demolished sometime next year. I’m renting from a family friend for cheap. I’ll probably have to move back in with the folks and that’s just… not a good situation. I love them and they love me, but it’s other issues. So that coupled with some other junk, I’m stressing out a lot. I can’t find a place I can afford, especially with pets for one and we’re still living together (but not sleeping together or anything) so it’s weird and frustrating. We are still nice to each other but it’s hard and I’m still very sad and have so much guilt for hurting him like this. But I have to be true to me… I tried to change, but I can’t. Still I look at him and see how much it hurts cause he really loves me and wants to be with me and I really love him, but just not the same way. I also feel bad because I think he’s holding onto the hope that I’ll come around and I just don’t think I will… I hope I’m doing the right thing… Thank you to anyone who reads through my blah-blah. I am unable to open up to most of the people I know because of my own issues, so it's nice to vent to people I don't know in person. (*hug*)
I admire you for following your heart. not everybody has the courage to do what they truly feel like doing. i think you are doing the right thing. It will be hard though but we all have to pay a price for our choices.
Wow, what a story. Unfortunately I can't relate too much, but if nothing else my comment will bump your thread... I'm sorry this is happening, but its for the best. You need to do what feels right, and if you can't be intimate, or aren't interested, than you had to separate. It's tough, but it's best for both you and him. As for the financial situation, it sucks. If it makes you feel any better a lot of people are facing tough times, so try not to dwell on it. Keep working and going to school and soon enough you'll be out on your own again, assuming you have to move home. I don't know if you have a really good friend or sibling, but talking about this in person might help. I have a buddy of mine I just text whenever I'm down and dish it all on him...it helps a ton, and it sounds like you could use a good friend right now. You're only 20 so there's plenty of time to live and be young and free. Try not to worry so much. A lot of things are out of your control right now, just roll with the punches and eventually things will look up. I'm broke, no job, taking out student loans...lots of people are in similar situations. We just have to keep grinding until we get paid someday. If you do have to move home, you should post another thread about why that situation isn't so great and get some advice on that, but in the meantime hang in there. I sincerely hope it works out for you. I probably didn't say much that helped, but damn it I tried.
Jubalinha : Thank you Sometimes it's easy to do this. I think that no matter what, we aren't going to be the same as we used to be so there's no sense crying over it anymore and I have to do what's fair for both of us. And other days I get sick thinking of what I'm letting go. I will pay for somethings, but at least I know I'm doing it for the right reasons. The Dude: Moving home is possible but a bad place for me to be. If worse comes to worse, I will. I'm hoping my best friend and I can swing to get a place. He's worried about his money too at this point, but we're going to see where we are in a year. We both really want to, his living situation is horrid. :/ He is the person I go to, but I do have a hard time opening up to be. I'm always the joker, the one who cheers others up, and the shoulder to cry on. I do my best to be optimistic in person but maniac depression runs in my family. When I get sad I just fall back on bad eating disorder habits, which I'm trying to not do this time. But you're right, I need to get over being a recluse about my feelings and at least open up to him. We're kinda all each other has right now when it comes to good best friends. And you said a LOT that helped. My motto is always that people don't want to be fixed, they just want to be heard. And I really appreciate both of you for reading all my blabber. But for the most part, You're right The Dude, it will somehow all work out! And I got this great community to come to as well. (!)
Kind of an update, it MAY be possible for me to move in with my best friend next year after all It'll just further the rumors that we're having some kind of no-strings-attached relationship (because according to some people around here, boys and girls can't be just friends), but who cares what ignorant people think. I fell a lot better now about THAT situation at least. Hope it will turn out though.
