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What should she do?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Goodnyte, Apr 30, 2013.

  1. Goodnyte

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    This post is mainly for my mom. She is in love with a man, we will call him Fabio. Fabio is a really great guy once you peel back his many, many layers he has. However, herein lies the problem: He has been lying to her for 2 years. They have been together for three years. She loves him dearly and I know he loves her, but she hurts a lot. I wish I could tell her what to do, but I can't. Any advice for her? I will take anything.:help:

    Thanks in advance
     
  2. FemCasanova

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    Oh, I know a thing or two about mothers in pain. My mother has always had an issue with choosing men who are bad for her, and ended up staying with said men for far too long. What sort of things is he lying to her about? And is she recognizing the fact that he is lying to her? Is he lying about small stupid things, or actual serious stuff, like money, fidelity, etc? I guess my advice is the same as I have been trying to give my own mother. Everybody deserves respect and happiness, and if your mate cannot give you that, and take more than he/she gives in the relationship then it`s time to let him go. Unfortunately although people change, people can rarely be changed through a relationship. Often if something is broken at the beginning, it will stay broken. If they are mostly happy, then maybe they can work through it. But I think your mother will have to establish some firm rules. Make a couple demands. If he wants to be with her, he has to stop lying. My mother regrets now that she didn`t put forth stricter demands from the beginning. She put up with too much for too long, to the point where changing habits became very hard. If he really loves her, then acknowledging her emotions and needs, and making an effort in improving their relationship shouldn`t be impossible for him. But it requires that your mother is able to clearly state what she will and will not accept in the relationship. Suffering in silence won`t change anything.

    *Hugs* I know it`s tough when family members are in pain and we want to help them, but most of the time they really have to do the hard work themselves. We can just be there as a comfort, and give advice, we can`t walk the mile for them.