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How to tell them...?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by temptedstars, May 5, 2013.

  1. temptedstars

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    US
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    So my dilemma... I have a friend, we've been talking for awhile, we got really close then I had to move, that kind of made things tone down a lot... But the thing is, she's married, and I didn't want to attempt anything while knowing that. I gave in to flirting with her and what not. She knows I'm a lesbian, I know she's married, I know I shouldn't flirt with her, or feel the way I do, its not right... morally at least loving someone when I know I shouldn't because I could potentially ruin what she has already... But I can't help but love the way she makes me feel. We spend practically all day talking to each other, from the time we are both awake until we go to bed. She says she's unhappy, and I took that as a good enough reason to be "myself" and not worry about the fact she's married... Bad idea, because now, I care, I care too much. I love her, and, I'm so afraid to tell her... But I know I won't be satisfied until I do. I know that most likely I won't get the answer I want, but at the same time I don't want it, because I don't want to be a reason that she leaves what she has. I want her to be happy, and I just want her to know... But I don't even know how to broach the subject of telling her I've fallen for her. So, if anyone could help me with a way to go about it, I'd appreciate it. :slight_smile:
     
  2. FemCasanova

    Full Member

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    Hmm.. This is a tough situation. I am not sure how to respond in the moral way here. On one hand, she is in a committed relationship and cheating is really not something anyone should be doing. It can wound someone terribly. At the same time, unfortunately it does happen that we fall in love with someone else than we originally were with. And staying in an unhappy relationship is not something anyone should do. It can leave a person very bitter, and ruin the relationship in the end anyways. My immediate thought is that she should know. I think you should let her know. Do you think you`d be able to stay her friend even if it never develops into what you want it to be? Just take my response with a grain of salt. I am not objective here, as I can be a bit of a romantic and I have watched my mother stay in an unhappy marriage for 15 years. That has influenced me into thinking that the important thing is always that we`re happy, and that we don`t hold back from achieving happiness. Quite possibly I shouldn`t have responded here, but it`s been a while since you posted and I thought you deserved a response. But yeah, I would definitely tell her. And let her know that even if she doesn`t feel the same I`d always want to be her friend (if that`s the truth for you).

    Just be careful you don`t burn yourself. I have almost been in your shoes. I fell in love with my best friend, who was with a guy at the time who wasn`t good for her. She ended up leaving him (it was a destructive relationship), but she wouldn`t look my way just because she was single. It hurt a lot, especially because I wasn`t aware of my own feelings before my heart was broken. So, be careful.