I'm Heartbroken: my Dad cannot accept gays because we are "sinful."

Asari · May 6, 2013

My dad just sent me an email. He titled it "Jesus loves Gays" I'm guessing it is because he saw I liked the "Jesus Loves Gays" on facebook, but the email implies that he knows I am gay. I haven't come out to my parents because they are insanely anti-gay christians. The fact that he needs to call me out because of my support of gay marriage says it all. How do I even begin to respond to this email he sent me? Every time I read it I cry. I need support and love right now. This is so hurtful.

Dear Daughter,
Yes, Jesus loves Gays. He doesn't love them in a special way, as some sort of special interest group. He doesn't endorse gay marriage. He doesn't love gay rights groups vicious bullying of businesses or individuals or Tim Tebow or Chic-Fil-A or the Boy Scouts of America. Jesus wasn't and can't be an advocate for LGBT behavior, nor was he an advocate for heterosexual promiscuity and the Playboy lifestyle. Jesus did not and will not "become" an advocate for something contrary to His Father's love for people. God didn't destroy Sodom and Gomorrah because He was a hateful, vengeful two dimensional God as I've heard ad infinitum, He destroyed those two cities because He loved people everywhere too much to allow that sin sickness to spread beyond those two cities at that moment. He may love Jerry Sandusky (The former Penn State coach who raped all those boys attending his youth athletic camps) but two cities full of Jerry Sanduskys openly demanding the right to sodomize two visiting angels is something God could never even consider contemplating to endorse, nor should he.

I love gays and lesbians, and if you told me today you are lesbian I love you, not with strings attached, I love you. But that love for my friends who are gay and lesbian will not allow me to endorse what they do sexually, will not allow me to ever deny God's love which because of love excludes a blessing on gay civil ceremonies or marriage and gay sexual behavior. To embrace a movement that openly denies the full counsel of the most intelligent extraterrestrial Being to ever communicate with mankind is reckless and foolish. I would be a heretic if I did so.

When I listened to the MP3 of the young lady from [name of the christian bible school I used to be in] recounting how she and a dozen other students were singing and handing out tracts in a gay neighborhood in San Francisco and how they were set upon by hundreds of gay men who knocked Bibles from their hands, slapped them, followed them up the street as police officers tried to extricate them and continued to threaten to kill them, I had tears in my eyes I failed to see anything charming in the gay lifestyle there. When another friend who is a local dentist described to me how he had been in San Francisco a few years ago as a delegate to the Dental Association and described encountering a parade on the street behind his hotel which featured nude gay men in sneakers marching while playing kazoos in front of school children, and even known as the annual "Love Parade" I failed to see anything beautiful or loving in it. I read daily of prominent voices of modern wisdom bullying high school and college students for their Christian views.

Yes, Jesus loves gays and lesbians and transgenders and bisexuals. He loved a wretch like me. Jesus expects us to choose Him, because of love, and not the world, not the devil, and not the inner working of sin in our hearts. Jesus loves us more than any lover or spouse ever can or ever will. Jesus loves us with pure unselfish love.

I love you,

Dad
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Rose27 · May 7, 2013

Wow! That's a big mind nuck. Big hug for you.
Google Gene Robertson 1st openly Gay Episcopal Bishop. Think your Dad missed a few things about Jesus in his education. Love is Love. Love does not judge. It nurtures & comforts & accepts.

Sully · May 7, 2013

(&&&) (&&&) (&&&) (&&&) (&&&)

So, so, so sorry you had to read that. Stay strong, take some time to think and do what you need to.

Hitch · May 7, 2013

I usually don't have no problem with people believing in god, but i also have never had a problem with telling people how stupid and ignorant they are. If god had an opinion on this subject then they would come out and say it. But he hasn't, so people feel the need to speak for him. But in the end, it is only used to further their own prejudice. People need to get their head out of their a** and come back to reality.

Boyfriend · May 7, 2013

I read it differently. He has a problem with "overdoing it" (like celebrating in the nude) and sexual stuff. Same probably goes for straight people. I don't think he'll say "hooray" when he sees a straight couple in the nude in public.
You can't blame anyone for that. Some people see nudity as something sexual and shameful.
The way that some gays express themselves, especially in gay prides, is just shocking to some. While they just celebrate, it gives the impression (to some) that gays are pigs.
And it kind of sticks to the mind and is used to fuel hate/disgust.

The whole thing with religion is that they are okay with gays, but not with the sexual part of it. He can't help it, religion is indoctrination. They don't think for themselves...

Just remember the better part, where he says he accepts you as a lesbian and that he loves you ...

Asari · May 7, 2013

Thank you all for the advice. I have been working on a reply for hours and finally came up with one that was calm and respectful enough. Any feedback is really appreciated. Let me know if I should include anything or leave anything out. I decided not to debate with him about why it's ok to be gay. He's not ready for that yet. Besides there is so much drama in our family I think he is using this as a scapegoat. So I am going to be the complete opposite of the gay stereotype he depicted and be loving and respectful.

I’m confused about why you sent this email and what the point of it was. I disagree with public nudity and violence just as much as you do, but I don’t judge an entire group of people on the bad behavior of some. You’re entitled to your beliefs, but you should keep your beliefs to yourself. I haven’t discussed this with you because you’re obviously easily angered about this subject. I kept my beliefs to myself for your comfort so I ask that you do the same. A difference in theological opinion isn’t worth getting in debates in my opinion.

I am surprised that you said you have gay friends. I think you should meet some more gay people. You might find that they are incredibly pleasant and loving, and not the perverted violent people you portrayed in this email. Many Christians have rejected me in my life but I have never been judged or cut down by a gay person. The few gay people I’ve met in my life have been the most caring, compassionate people I’ve ever met.

This email is not new to me, you have not said anything that my friends at [name of ministry I was in] or my other countless Christian friends haven’t already said to me. I get angry emails and phone calls on a daily basis. And whenever I get these hurtful messages I urge my friends to dwell on their own relationship with God instead of focusing on mine.

You just told me a few weeks ago that I can open up to you and that you will love me no matter what. That is why I find this email confusing, and even hurtful. You told me not to worry about living up to your high expectations of me and then get angered because I liked a page on facebook? I have done everything to please you. All my life I have wanted nothing but to be just like you. I wrote stories because you inspired me to create. I went to my University because it was the school you went to, and I wanted to be smart like you. But now I am an adult and it is time to make my own decisions and do what makes me happy. If that means disappointing you then that is fine. If that bothers you then pray for me instead of arguing with me. I know you must have had good intentions when sending me this email but I find the message contradicts what you said to me earlier. If you want me to open up to you, you need to be willing to hear me out and not be quick to judge. I completely respect your beliefs. Believe me there is no one on earth that I respect more then you. But I have wanted desperately to be more honest with you, and the more critical you are the more I want to hide from you. It would be one thing if I was still living under your roof, but now I am 23. I am growing up and becoming my own person. Part of growing up is discovering what you believe on your own. I don’t want every thanksgiving to be political debates like it is with you and grandma. I want us to be respectful of our differences.

Also, I know that you must worry about me constantly. That is understandable considering what our family has been through. But I cannot live in my sibling's shadow for the rest of my life. This expectation has caused me a great deal of crippling anxiety. I love you dad. Don’t worry about me, just pray for me. I am in God’s hands. He is a good father that gives good gifts to his children and strengthens those who wait on him.

Love you
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Lamonia · May 7, 2013

I teared when I read your response...very well put..love how it is assertive yet considerate at the same time...

You are a very good writer .

Wish you all the best...

asmith6543 · May 8, 2013

I didnt see anything wrong with his letter. He makes know his beliefs, where he stands, and how he mentally is dealing with prospects of his daughter being gay, but does not necessarily impose his beliefs upon others.

He tells you that he loves you, but no where did he ask for you to go get lost.

Bobbybobby99 · May 12, 2013

Good response, bigoted (sorry) sender. The person why sent this is not exactly someone I would want to be around, honestly.

Juless · May 25, 2014

Hi, I know exactly what you're going through, my parents are the same way. I have so much insecurity and shame from hiding it from them for so long... I told them I was gay two months ago, and they reacted the way I though they would.

Just want you to know that you are not alone and we're in this together. We will make it through! Anytime you need to talk I'm here

RainbowMan · May 25, 2014

This thread is over a year old, and it's unlikely that the OP needs help with this anymore. If you'd like to discuss the same topic, please open a new thread.

Thanks!

I'm Heartbroken: my Dad cannot accept gays because we are "sinful."

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I'm Heartbroken: my Dad cannot accept gays because we are "sinful."

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