Can't stop checking out girls girls girls!

Hi Guys-

I am pretty frusterated right now. I am pretty sure I'm gay. I don't like this, and still have a bundle of shame about it. I'm not out. However, I honestly feel like, I'm outing myself everytime I go into public.

I check out girls (since I'm not out/dating anyone, I'm pretty sexually frusterated + I'm a pretty open expressive sexual person) and I get horrible reactions.

Mostly I don't know....I can't not do it. But it really feels humiliating. I won't be able to control starting at a woman's body, and feel creepy (not just that I'm checking her out, but the way I do it, is...very sexual and purely sexual). But the worst thing is the reactions I get from (straight) girls I check out. They do this thing where they do this quick judgemental flicker of their eyes at eachother like a nonverbal "she's weird/ignore her" and I am 100% sure I am NOT imagining this. After they give eachother that look, they ignore me, or when they do talk to me, they talk down to me. Women who I am not attracted to, think I am straight (but most women honestly I find attractive) and treat me like an equal. It sucks. I feel like a disease. I don't know....I feel like I can't control my feelings, or their attitudes towards me, but I so understand why making friends has been so hard, and I feel really depressed witnessing so much homophobia, I feel like I'm not allowed to be me without being hated, and this is expressed nonverbally. It's a lot like racism, nowadays, in that nothing overt happens, but the isolation is devastating. It also makes me feel unsafe- I am so tired of just waiting to be judged and isolated because of my sexual attraction. I'm so tired.

What the heck? Have any other girls felt this way?

I should add that I am feminine looking, and pretty girly, even for a straight girl (?), but I think pretty much like a man in terms of sex (i.e. every other girl looks !#@!able, focused on the 'body', possibly more interested in physical attraction than emotional attraction (not sure about this whole 'girls are emotional' thing, distracted easily by a hot girl, always thinking about sex, high sex drive, etc...

I am not even sure I want a relationship? Ugh.

Anyway, thanks.