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'Straight' Friend Said He Loves Me...

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Keystroke, May 9, 2013.

  1. Keystroke

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    Ok, so I'm new here, and you can call me Keystroke. I've been 15 for two weeks and I have this friend, let's call him Al, and last week he just went and said he loves me.
    I've been his friend for two years, but I've known him for three. We really became friends when we had the same art class and bonded over stuff. It's funny bringing it to mind now, because one of the first things he talked about, jokingly of course, was him accidentally looking up gay porn on Dailymotion. This really shocked me, but I hadn't come to terms with my sexuality yet so I didn't think much of it, though I thought he was cute.
    However I didn't start doubting his sexuality, and consequently mine, until I caught him one day on Facebook looking at a page called 'Hot Tumblr Guys' and he was looking at a post about boys with green eyes. I pretended not to notice, and he pretended nothing happened. I never brought it up after that, but I asked my other friends and they say that it's pretty gay to do that.
    Just recently we went on a school trip overseas and on that trip he got really physical with another guy, he slept on his chest on the flight over, danced with him, and the other guy said something along the lines of 'I knew he was gay when he started to blow me'. But then he would laugh it off and walk away, making me hella confused.
    And now we usually hang out before school alone on the third floor of the high school in a place where no one can see us. We're pretty good friends, I go over to his house from time to time and we listen to music and just hang out. Nothing sexual or anything. Yet, when we're alone in that spot, we get all touchy-feely (we wrestle, hold hands, distract each other, make innuendos) but I'm usually that way with everybody, since I ask for high fives and hugs a lot. But he's really self-contained, kind of quiet and plays dumb a lot.
    So last week we were sitting there and I was quizzing him on some science stuff when he whispers to me 'I love you'. I just stayed silent for a minute and said 'The feeling is mutual'. And left it at that.
    Then I got to thinking about what he really meant and today I asked him if he remembered what he said and what he meant by it. At first he played dumb until I said 'I know what you said, I just think it's important you say it to my face' and he said 'I may have said "I love you"'. Then he nervously said 'but I wasn't hitting on you!' and I told him that I always thought of our love as brotherly. We really didn't talk for the rest of the day.
    What do you guys think? Does he love me or is he messing with me? I'm really nervous about this and it's starting to affect my school/home life.
    Thanks for the help,
    Keystroke
     
  2. how

    how
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    I think he may mean it, or at least have meant it when he said it, but then regretted telling you and making it clear.... Not sure though, it's tricky

    Oscar x
     
  3. The Dude

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    Hey Keystroke! Welcome to EC.

    I noticed you used the term "hella". Is that catching on? Macklemore uses it a lot, but I wasn't sure if other people started picking it up. Anyway...

    When I was 15, my friends were just the opposite of you and Al. They were sort of homophobic, not in a negative way, but in a "if we touch each other we're gay" sort of way. I feel like most male teenagers are like that. They don't like touching other guys because its "gay". They act tough and douchey because the more emotional they are, the more feminine they are, and then they're "gay". Gay not being used as a homosexual, but whatever "gay" means to them. So basically what I'm saying is I've never really known many straight teenagers do the things that he does. Am I making any sense?

    My point is it doesn't sounds like your friend is straight. He might be straight and really affectionate/touchy, but at the same time I doubt it. I'm not saying he's gay and wants you, but he might be a little curious. I think it's tough for you though because you have a few options: you could make yourself vulnerable and ask him about it, but if he gets defensive things might get uncomfortable. If he does want to fool around or is gay then good for you guys. Are you interested in him? Would you want to experiment with him? If not, then it doesn't even matter if he's gay.

    I'm sort of rambling right now, but long story short I doubt he's 100% straight. Maybe gay, maybe bi-curious, who knows you guys are barely 15. If something comes of this, then go for it if you want, but don't feel pressured and don't let it affect your school work and home life. You're only 15. Just have fun!

    Also, you two sound adorable together when you two are alone, regardless of your and his sexual orientation.
     
  4. saraph

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    If you think he's attractive and you're both compatible, I'd say go for it. If you like him tell him and go from there. Make him be a bit more honest about his feelings (and make sure he knows you're both on the same page).

    There's nothing wrong with messing around "just as friends" either if he wants to be your bro with benefits. Besides, it'll be great for both of you to have the experience and help you both develop emotionally. =) Just remember to use protection and don't do anything stupid (like the episode of Scrubs with the light bulb patient, lawls).
     
  5. clarkec1

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    I say I love my straight friend all the time. I don't actually love him in that way, but I love and care for him as a friend. He might just have been trying to express his care and concern for you, but if he said it in a very serious and seductive way, he may have meant it romantically.
     
  6. Keystroke

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    Thanks, everyone, for the advice. It's all useful and I hope I make the right decision with him; I don't want to screw this up.
    I see your point, and I do have a friend that tells me he loves me all the time, and he's straight, and I'm fine with it. I know what he means and he makes it clear. It's just that Al's a rather macho guy, and wouldn't be caught even saying that another guy was good-looking, let alone just blurt out that he loved a guy. This is the first time I've ever heard him say it (he's only had one girlfriend, and I personally saw that crash and burn).

    At least among my friends and I it has.

    Yeah, we go to an all-boys school, which you'd think would make people more macho, but it seems to have done the opposite. I am interested in him, but in a more homoromantic sort of way, I don't think I'm ready to try sex with anybody just yet.
    Also, I think we're adorable too :wink:
     
  7. Romann

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    Well based off of everything your saying, its obvious. He means it. I wouldnt know one thing about friends like you because im homeschooled, so im not extremely socialized, but I can still spot things like this. Either way, he means it. Dont question me, my answer is final. And..I HAVE SPOKEN! *Dramatic exit*
     
  8. BryanM

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    By the way you explained it, it really seemed like he meant it. At least to me, that is.
     
  9. GeorgieBoy

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    You two sound like you would be great together. If you haven't already, you should definitely talk to him about this. I know a lot of best friends tell each other they love them, but for him to tell you in person and whisper it to you, it sounds a lot more intimate then just texting it or so like a lot of best friends do. If you would be happy with this guy, then go for it. Life's too short! All the best :grin:
     
  10. AKTodd

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    You list yourself as 'questioning'. Please correct me if I'm wrong but to me this would imply that you are considering the possibility that you may be into guys (either wholly or along with women), but aren't sure yet.

    It's possible that he may also be questioning and so not know quite what to make of the feelings he may be having (or starting to have) for you. It's also possible that he's gay or bi but is afraid to come out to you for fear that it could damage your friendship. Even if he is gay or bi and fully fine with that for himself, he may be starting to have feelings for you that he's not had for other guys before and could be feeling confused or scared, either by the feelings themselves or the thought that they are directed at you, someone he may consider to be fully straight and a close friend. Certainly, there are a number of threads on EC concerned with gay or bi members having crushes on straight people (or people who are straight as far as the poster can tell), so this is apparently not uncommon.

    Putting this all together, I guess I would ask the following:

    a) How do you feel about the idea of him (or a guy in general) having feelings for you?

    b) Do you think that, if he has feelings for you, you might feel the same way about him?

    c) If the answer is yes, how do you want to move forward on this?

    Note that 'moving forward' doesn't necessarily mean jumping straight to sex (unless you both want to and feel ready for that, of course). It probably does mean having a good solid conversation with him about what was said, about how you both feel, and about what you want to do in regards to that, including how fast you both want to take things, assuming you want to take them anywhere beyond being just friends.

    Communication is always hugely important, whether or a good friendship, or anything that may grow out of it.

    Hope this helps,

    Todd
     
  11. Keystroke

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    I hope you're right, that he means it. Also, I was home-schooled in 6th grade, so homeschool buddies?

    a) If a guy were to have feelings for me, I'd be flattered, but I really don't know how I would respond. I'm not good with quick decisions. If he were to have feelings for me, I'd be surprised, but not unhappy.

    b) I think I do have the same feelings about him, if he meant it that way.

    c) We would probably continue in a relationship-y type way, but I don't think we can come out if that's the case (remember that all boys school I mentioned? Well it's also Christian, so...)

    And about my sexuality, I think I'm into guys but I really can't get used to the idea of engaging in actual gay sex. The idea is awesome, but in reality, I don't know if I could go along with it. I think the term I've heard used is homoromantic, so I'm gonna go with that until further notice. But I am also into girls, I've had crushes before, but I'm on kind of a hiatus, because I don't really know many since I moved here four years ago right when the all-boys school started.

    I really appreciate all of this, everybody, I think I'm going to confront him about it. I've set up a date about two weeks into summer (four weeks from now! It seems like it'll take forever) to come over to his house and ask him. I'm gonna start out by saying something like 'You know you can trust me, I'll accept you no matter what' and see if he does anything to confirm our suspicions.

    You guys are awesome,
    Keystroke
     
  12. SamanthaSmiles

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    My advice is that it isn't worth it. Maybe I'm cynical because of my own not-so-straight-but-says-she's-straight best friend experience, but if someone can't own up to his/her feelings consistently, then the situation isn't ready to exist.
     
  13. Bobbybobby99

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    As most opinions and notable information and advice has already been said in this thread, I have but a single note... Yay! People like green eyed guys. Yay! (!!)