I'm tired of trying to meet people, dating apps/sites, in person, or otherwise. Fuck it. I give up. I will be forever single. I think it will be easier to accept that than to weed through all the shitheads to find a partner. I hope I can be a fulfilled person without someone to spend my life with. Fuck. It.
Listen, don't give up. Take a break, and yes, fuck love, at least for a bit. But don't give up for good. Are you working, if so, then get to know some new colleagues maybe. There already lots of ways to meet new people. I promise you, one day, that one person will come. Just take a break, and someone will come to you, in time. Hope this helped.
Thanks, I've told myself this my entire life and I don't believe it anymore. I'm kidding myself that this is what I want, it's just an obsessive thought leading me to the greener grass. I've fallen in love with an idea of being in love. Everytime I join a dating site, I get messages from some decent guys, but after reading their profiles and answered 'questions', I get a feeling it's just about sex. There is apparently no such thing as a 'balanced' relationship. Everyone wants to be submissive or dominant, top or bottom. I don't want to play a single role for the rest of my life. I want a BALANCED relationship with someone who is also versatile. The more I look around, the more I notice that this DOES NOT EXIST. I've never been in a relationship (except with women, never works), and I've never had any kind of sexual relationship with anyone. Has anyone learned to be fulfilled living single for the rest of their life? I want to invest in this idea, as I'm done trying to find love.
Agreed with Clarkec1. Taking a break is not a bad thing. But don't just give up. One thing that I've seen some people do is make finding a boyfriend/girlfriend the main focus of their lives, or at least their social lives. This almost never ends well. Either they start to become desperate, which leads to them putting out this weird sort of 'vibe' that actually ends up driving people away, or they become so conscious of every minute that is passing that they don't have someone that it becomes the ultimate opposite of time flying when you're having fun. Which can lead to either getting desperate or being depressed, neither of which are any fun either. Live your life, do things that make you happy, and maybe put yourself out there in situations where there is a greater possibility of meeting people who you might like. While you're at it, have a good idea of the sort of person you'd like to meet, but don't be a slave to that idea/ideal. The person you end up falling for might be very different from what you expected and if you filter every potential partner through a filter and discard anyone who isn't 'perfect' or 'exactly what you have in mind' then you could be missing out on a lot. Todd
I'm going to meditate on not wanting someone, I can do it. I don't want to want anymore. I know it's possible to live life not in a relationship. I think I'm pressured by ideas of love. I'm done with finding love! I'm done! I feel better even after typing that. Happy Mother's Day everyone! Call your mothers!
Hm. For starters what's wrong with sex? I met my partner with no intention to do anything more than have sex, but it ended up turning into more than that. While I've never been into the idea of just going out and seeing how many notches I could put into the bed post in a month, I also don't really hold with this notion that it's possible to just never do anything until you meet that one special someone who you will fall madly in love with and then and only then have sex with them. Even less the idea that one should just sit at home and pine for "Mister Right" until he comes along. Beyond that, are you making it clear in your own profile that the above is what you are wanting? In other words, do you clearly say that you are versatile? Or even more explicitly that you're happy to top or bottom depending on the mood? That you are looking for a relationship? That you're into dating a bit before things get sexual? etc. Beyond even that, have you actually met any of these guys? You say they seem decent, but I'm not getting a sense that you've done more than exchanged messages online with some of them (if that). So they say they are tops or bottoms or whatever. Does that mean they will not even consider taking the other role or just that they are stating their primary preference? How will you know if you don't ever actually meet any of them? For one thing, you are never going to get a full sense of what type of person someone is from an online profile. My suggestion would be that you should look at your profile and possibly modify it to make it very clear what you want. And then see who responds. Also, look at other profiles and see if you find anyone who looks interesting and reach out to them. And then, when the opportunity arises, try to arrange to actually meet them. For coffee, for lunch, for dinner, whatever. Daytime events seem less likely to have any sexual expectation with them. But until you meet and talk to someone face to face I don't see you getting very much of anywhere. At worst you lose a few hours of your time. Middle of the road, you maybe meet someone who you might like to get to know better. Best case, maybe someone who you get to know a lot better and who turns out to be someone you really like, even if they don't check every box on your 'ideal mate' list. Just some thoughts, Todd
"Akatosh", I agree with you in the idea of sex. It's not just because I'm 13 and therefore I'm not really concerned about sexual relationships right now, but I think that when I'm older and am capable and allowed to enter sexual relationships, it won't be everything. Sure enough, I would be fine with sex, but I agree that it should certainly not be everything. And if the people you are dating and talking to seem to only want sex, and not a relationship actually involving love; not sex, then I wouldn't continue seeing them, if you don't think they are right for you.
Yeah, I've been talking with these guys for hours. I've spent waaaay too much time on the site, and that's not healthy. I'm done. You're right though, I am not being adaptive to the dating world and I'm placing ideal expectations on myself and others. I've never had anything close to being called sex; I've only kissed and groped women, and was kissed by one guy. I personally think sex is gross, and therefore I'd have to have serious feelings for the person I'd be doing it with. I'm serious though, I'm done searching. I'm going to devote myself to something else in life than another human being. I'll use that energy to help people. I'm done, and I'm okay with that.
Personally I think it is perfectly ok, healthy even, to take a break from dating. Set aside a whole year just for you. Dig deep into your weird interests. Develope your own sense of style without worrying about who thinks its sexy. Take yourself out for dates, sushi and a scary movie is my self-date night standard. You don't have to keep looking. Especially if you're feeling burnt out. There are a million other things you can give your time and attention to that are more nourishing than forcing yourself to try to meet and date people that don't interest you. BUT!!! Don't say it's forever. Someday you'll likely be interested again, but till you are I think all the apps and dating sites and such will just make it worse. So YES focus on you, just you for awhile!!! That's a good thing! Just don't shut down the possibility of romance forever.
Yeah, I'm going to focus on other areas of life, with no expectations of searching/being in a relationship. If someone comes along, great, maybe something will work out. I have a multitude of interests in humanity, art, engineering, nature, etc. that I will gladly dedicate that time and energy towards. @Femmeme: I still want to devote myself to others (not in a religious way, as I'm not religious). I have a lot of 'me' time and don't feel short on it. I love myself, my brain, the whole package. I understand what you're saying, I just want to shift my focus to more than my own needs. I want to make the world a better place, and that could be my love.
Well, good for you, really, if that's what you think's best. And it is good that you going to set your time to other areas of life, instead of just cancelling love, and sitting around doing nothing. And it is also good that you say that if someone comes around, that suits you, you will try and get somewhere. Good luck in whatever you choose to do!
You may find, by taking a break from seeking "the relationship" and developing other interests that you yourself will become more interesting! Relationships are a two-way street, people are looking for someone like you as well. After some time, knowing that you are comfortable being alone (not lonely), you will want to share what it is that you've discovered about yourself and things in the world, that is really the only reason to get into relationships, to be able to share who and what you are or have become, and are becoming.
I don't think its bad to be single. Our society puts so much pressure on us to find someone. There's more to life then being in a relationship. Who knows, maybe instead of having to search for a relationship, someone will find you.
